In laws turned up to lo nursery

[Beacal72]

First time poster hello 😁

A bit fed up with meddling in laws (mil and sil) they turned up at my lo nursery without telling us to tour it in the of chance they "might" send theirs next year. Despite it being out of their way by miles.

They told us after the fact and didn't seem bothered that the could disrupt our dd during her time there. As they left her there whilst taking her touring cousin home.

We don't leave her with anyone but nursery and we are super strict about her routines as she is bf and took a long time to be reallly happy at nursery. They said she seemed confused they were there. Which is understandable!

My sil was unapologetic and said we ruined her day by challenging not letting us know. They know our parenting style. They know we would have asked the staff to remove our dd before they entered the room to avoid her getting upset.

I'm really heartbroken as all i want to do is protect my daughter, especially when we are at work and she is at nursery. But they say we are in the wrong for being upset. I'm so cross and just hoping im not alone in my despair 😣

This is a just one of a long list of undermining behaviour by the in laws And resentment is building.

I get it. I don't think they had any intention of sending DN to your child's nursery. It is far too inconvenient, trailing a child in a pushchair on two buses there and back. However, they have now gone to her nursery, had a look round, met the staff, seen your child there. They know it will have upset you and that is exactly why they did not tell you.You now look like you are over-sensitive. They will now tell you they are not choosing that nursery and make you feel it isn't quite good enough for DN.
If they had been emotionally intelligent and not out to cause upset they would have told you they were going and asked you about the nursery and what you like, don't like. That wasn't their game. Don't play their game. Ignore it all, say nothing and just don't tell them stuff.

MrsChollySawcutt

I can’t believe you actually have to ask why A mum supports another mother on a forum. Says a lot about you.

But I do think you are a bit too upset

Wishingtrees I've been posting on this forum since it first started, long before my DD15 was born and your overzealous support of every action and utterance from the OP is actually pretty unusual.

Don't play their game. Ignore it all, say nothing and just don't tell them stuff.

This!

Appreciated as also wishing, its nice to see there are some kind people here.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me, my views have been altered by this thread in the way i handle things in the future.

Love and peace to all

Yes OP, such lovely kind people who take to flinging personal insults when asked a polite question.

MrsChollySawcutt so what are you saying? I am the op? Report me then.

Yes report wishing for being empathetic and identifying with a situation she announced with her first post on the thread she had been through herself lol!

This is all going a bit silly i think. Can we all agree to disagree and leave each other be?

I really don't want my issue which feel more or less resolved to cause this type of interaction. I thank you all but please be kind to one another.

Birthday is right, wishing has been here from the start and seen some of the meaner things said. I understand views differ but no use bickering about it

My 1 yr old would have been quite unsettled if his gran appeared at Nursery with his cousin then they all left again without him.

If they’d done it justcto be nosey with no real intention of using the place I’d be pissed off too.

No idea why the OP is getting such a hard time

You’re a first time poster, how the fuck would you know?

I meant on this thread

They are not bad people, we love them.

I find this hard to believe. The love them bit, obviously.

In the nicest possible way but you’ve got issues OP.

You can love people but still be hurt by their actions bill.

Wouldn't a lot of people have issues if their ILs posted pics on social media, having been asked not to or pressured us to give up bf or agree to sleepovers before we were ready?
So many IL relationships would massively improve if they just backed off a bit and let the new mum have some space and respected her choices.

Iwannasee, that does kind of express some aspect of it for me.
Everyone seems to be able to express it so much clearer than i can. Each time we give a little something happens and we withdraw again. I imagine if given the space during dd first year we would feel more relaxed. When you feel like trust is broken it is sometimes hard to just let me.

Im not saying i cant let it go, but its a setback to getting to the point of feeling comfortable with those things happening.

Thank you

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Exactly. As an astute poster said upthread, it’s death by a thousand paper cuts. And it can cause MH problems in some, legal problems in others.

Posters on Mumsnet get more sympathy when a poster complains someone at work has overstepped the mark and is making their life hell. “Go to HR”, “Keep a record”, “Tell your boss”... But when it’s a faaaaamily situation, it’s “Don’t be so sensitive”, “It’s laughable”, “You’re too sensitive”.

But some of us are listening! 🤗

BeaCal you were 72 and now you are 27 in your username? Can you name change correctly please! Your posts dont show up highlighted otherwise and Im missing the updates

It's hard to express feelings easily when you are in the middle of a situation. My own ILs were very full on in the early days. They were nice people but with a tendency to want everything their own way and not give me any personal space. I had to be quite assertive - luckily my dh was supportive, but we got there in the end and my dc had a good relationship with them. But it did take me standing my ground and not allowing them to take over.

Remember that no one has rights to make decisions about your child except for you and your dh. You might find that you (better if your dh does it though) have to say a clear no (for ex about posting photos online) and tell them that contact depends on them not ignoring you amd over riding your decisions.
Obviously, choose your battles. I would make it clear to nursery that ILs are not authorised to do pick ups or anything, but don't let them see they have upset you. I'd also let some of the feeding stuff go (not thr bf though). Posting online, I would go to battle over.

This has taken a funny ole turn.op has a group of fans who leap to her defence
Anyone expressing opinion not cheerleading for the op is criticised As harping on etc
an innocuous question about op nc is called a pounce. It’s a reasonable q
It’s detracting from flow and dialogue to have posts criticised when not agreeing with op

Primal as the OP says she is strictly limiting the time the child spends with MIL and SIL, I find it very hard to see how separation anxiety applies.

That makes no sense to me.

"Just the typical interfering overbearing things. Wanting to do things their way and have sleepovers and take her for bonding time away from us. Wanting us to give up breastfeeding to make her take bottles, so all the above would be possible for them. A bit ranty i know"

Is she your first child OP? I'm on my second child and I can't bloody wait for her to take a bottle and have a night away, I need a full nights sleep!