DH constant demands for sex

[Onefootforward1]

I really need some help and to know if IABU. My DH of 5 years is constantly harassing me for sex. I have 2 children under the age of 3 and it seems to have gotten worse since they were born. This is pretty much the only negative in our relationship but it’s really wearing me down.
He gropes me while i’m doing the kids breakfasts and makes constant sexual innuendos. He says i’m lucky that i have a husband who fancies me so much and jokes that i signed a contract saying he can do what he wants to me sexually.

We’ve had serious arguments, one when i was 8 months pregnant about how i don’t make an effort in the bedroom. Our younger son doesn’t sleep well and was up all night with a high temperature. I’ve had 3 hrs sleep, looked after the kids all day and DH’s family arrived for the BH weekend this afternoon. The younger DC has been clung to me crying all day and all DH has done since he got home is make sexual advances towards me. I asked him not to several times and eventually lost it and shouted at him in the kitchen and his family heard me. He’s now in a mood and said all i have to do is “be nice” but i feel like he doesn’t listen to me or respect me when i say no.

I now feel really embarassed and am left wondering whether i am just a horrible person for snapping at him all the time. I don’t know how to fix this or how to speak to him so that he understands that i’m exhausted and don’t want to have sex every day. Please help!

I recently got out of a relationship that was abusive. The ex was bad in all ways, but the sexual aspect I can relate to. It started off as sexual banter which I found seedy and off-putting. Then groping, constant sexual talk. Then the insults that I was a frigid librarian, that he would find someone who would sleep with him instead. If i refused i was coerced, if i still refused i was bullied, if i still refused, i was raped. It got worse and worse. Look up the definition of sexual abuse in a relationship and ask your husband to attend counselling and consider therapy for sex addiction. And guide him with the short film about sexual consent portrayed as tea drinking! He has no right to your body. Only you get to decide who touches it. There is no rape clause in a marriage contract.

fenny do you not think sex addiction is just one huge copout? Basically another way of offering an excuse for men who are arrogant and entitled?

Get a fork and jab him in the hand with it, every single time

I wouldn't never blame any woman for not reporting rape to the police. Have you seen what happens to rape victims in a court room?

Onefootforward

re your comment:-
"Interestingly, none of my friends think it’s a big deal and one of them admits she behaves the same way towards her DH, pestering constantly until he gives in".

I think you need some new friends as well.

Sex pests can be female as well as male and this woman is doing to her H what your H does to you. Their MO is the same; its all about power and control. Wearing them down till the other gives in and its not about mismatched sex drives. Abuse is not about communication or a perceived lack thereof. Your H wants absolute here and will never take no from you for an answer.

OP, unless he is able to sincerely articulate how he has behaved and why is it wrong and show genuine remorse, there isn't really a happy future for you in this marriage.
Please, please don't make the mistake I did of keeping on trying to find a way to get him to understand, accepting tiny scraps from his as signs things might get better.
Bottom line, he needs to show that he understands what respect and equality and support is in a marriage, in a deep and meaningful way.