Getting there slowly....hugs along the way

[mammynowanauntyIRL]

A thread for those facing separation or divorce, whether by choice or your hand forced by spouses behaviour or actions.

We're all at different stages along the journey but need a virtual handhold in this friendly corner of mumsnet to help us along the way

Link to old thread in next post

Can I join in on this thread. Find things really hard this week. I had a thread on here. My partner walked out on me for a 19 year old girl at work, he is 37. I was doing okay and this week I just want to cry all the time. How do you find your anger about the situation, I feel like that's the stage I need to get to. I feel stuck.

@Sausage101 that is awful. And that situation will soon come crashing down around him. I made a list of everything my ex had done and when I feel down I only have to remember one of those things and it helps keep me sane.

I agree with the dating thing too. It's harder with children as free time is less but even just having a chat with someone sometimes can be a good thing

@TwilightSaga He seems so smug and so does she, before all his stuff was out of the home she started plastering pictures of them at the beach and all sorts. They snuck around whilst I was recovering from major surgical repair of a fracture. It's all so low :( Thanks for the tip about the list, I just want to feel angry instead of this feeling of the world being grey and hopeless.

@Sausage101 let them seem smug for now. A picture online doesn't mean all is going well for them as social media is false. I can't imagine a 19 year old is going to stay interested in him. And even if they are together, she is with someone who is disloyal and dishonest so let her have him

Thanks @twilightSaga just bumped my thread for some advice if you're interested in the rest of the horrible tale: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3298496-Is-he-having-a-mid-life-crisis-or-some-kind-of-breakdown

Yeah, not exactly a catch is he being capable of that.

@Sausage101 they have to broadcast to the world how they have done the right thing and how happy they are and all the heartache was 'worth it'.
They aren't going to show the world they made a mistake or air any woes they might have. I know it hurts. Ex has put picture of him/ow/our kids. Although I don't see them. I know he is trying to show everyone how this situation is so much better now.

Ow is welcome to him. I am sad for the children and for the future I thought I had. But although it is hard I do know better times are around the corner.

She hadn't won any prize.

Yeah that's true @Eve34 suppose it has to be worth it. Sorry to hear that you have been through this sort of hurt too.

Just had a talk- he's been avoiding talking as so busy at work. We were supposed to have a 'working at fixing us' evening but I insisted on talking first so I didn't just get sucked back in to thinking/ hoping things are alright.
So end result is we're going to break our DS's heart as OH can't turn off his feelings for his colleague. Says it's not an affair ( despite having spent the night in a hotel in July) and he still loves me.
Just feel so sick but actually no worse than I already was with all the paranoia.
Really want to just run away but need to act OK for DS.

@sausage101.
Really sorry for what you're going through too. I was watching your other thread.
Totally understand how much your head is spinning and replaying everything. Just can't get it to switch off either as just so exhausted.
Hope today's being a good one for you

Thanks @Whatdyknow yeah struggling a bit this week, think I was just numb for about 3 weeks straight so maybe it's all working it's way out now. I don't know. :(

Sorry to read your update, how can he not class that as an affair? It's a relief like you say to know you're not losing it with paranoia. I felt like packing up and running too. (Still might)

x

Hi ladies hope you’re all coping,my relationship ended recently after too much DV I’m struggling sticking to NC but I’m determined to get over it,he’s vile x

Welcome hug Missmadge

Any DV at all is too much. Do not contact him please. Post here as much as you can but you must LTB.

I did relent and spoke to him on the phone,lots of years etc then he stated accusing me of cheating and not caring about him as he has tonsillitis,such a shame as I’m black and blue with possible detached retina.Part of me though still wants him to call me.He can’t though he has no way.We can do this ladies we are worth so much more than this love and hugs to all xxx

*tears I meant not years

@Missmadge please don't go back to him. Once you get through the first few weeks you'll get stronger and stronger. What he's done to you is terrible

First few weeks😩 I’m going by days at the min,it’s so hard but after speaking to him he showed practically no remorse and felt so sorry for himself he actually disgusted me,not once did he ask how i was the fucking bastard,and it feel so good knowing the lowlife can’t contact me.I will never ever go back to him xx

Hang in there @ missmadge. You are doing so well and deserve to be treated with respect.

@Missmadge stay strong. Gather people around you. Who you can lean on. Go and talk to your gp. And women's aid. You deserve a peaceful and happy life. Let those around you help you achieve this. Let tomorrow be the first day of a new life.

Just had OH talk about loads of good times we've had, & how he still fancies me. Apparently not than OW. All very flattering till he said it's not about physical stuff but more to do with personalities!
Nothing like building me up to really smash down my confidence.

That’s what they do best smash down our confidence,insecure vermin thrive on bringing us down x

Taken myself away for the night to try and rest and gather my thoughts and strength.

So hard though I feel like I'm totally losing my mind. He told me before I left that if he loses his job it'll be my fault for putting him under so much pressure when he's hardly done anything. Surely it'll be more to do with the fact that he's having 'love' relationship with his colleague??

Now I feel shit as I miss my son so much & I know OH'll be doing the wonderful dad thing instead of the normal telling DS to be quiet because he's trying to work.

And just discovered there's a wedding reception in the place I'm staying.

Can I join?

I'm really struggling at the moment. Me and dh split 6 months ago, he moved into work accommodation for a few weeks then came back but separate rooms. It's been fine, we were getting along ok. He got a gf 2 weeks after the split,I went on a few dates.

Then last week it all hit me. I told him I wanted to try again, he said no, he's moved on. I think since then I've had some kind of a mental breakdown. I can't eat or sleep. I cry all the time. I'm barely functioning.

And know I'm torn between desparetely wanting to sort things out and hating him for replacing me so quickly (together 20 years) and watching me sob my heart out and telling me it's all my fault.

@Whatdyknow hope you manage to get the rest need. Only you know what is right for you. But please take no responsibility for his actions. He is a grown man. And is responsible for how he behaves etc. Even through my worst times. And trust me I have been rock bottom. I have gone to work and done my job. Not at my best but enough. Regardless of what is happening in your life. You pause all that and do your job if you have any ounce of pride or professionalism.

My ex use to play that card. You made me angry. Etc. Took me a long time but toward the end I would say I have no ability to make him behave in a certain way. That he is responsible for his actions. And I am sure as hell that he wouldn't loss his shit with his friends or people at work. So has the ability to control himself.

Stay strong. X

Sorry you’re having a really rough time whatdy. Seems pretty typical, the inability to take responsibility. Like it’s your fault for him having an affair I really hope you can get a bit of space/distance between the two of you but I know it’s not always possible.

missmadge how are you doing today?

Hello all havent been on for a bit so really glad I found the new name - good one. Not read all the posts yet, just wanted to say hello everyone and to the newcomers too. Bit rubbish at the moment with estate agents so have been kept busy with that and just occupying myself to forget about it all🙄Hoping to back read the posts to catch up X