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Original poster

Found photos on my husbands laptop...

133 replies

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:46

Hello

I am writing in desperation as i really dont know where to turn to. I hope someone can help.

Yesterday I was compiling a calendar using our old photos and came across some photos from holiday a few years ago when me and my partner were engaged. I left the holiday 2 days early, so he had 2 days to himself.

In the photos (dated on the days i wasnt there) i found "creepshots" - photos of random attractive female strangers, focussing on body parts like the bum or legs. I also found photos of a dodgy massage parlour, with a photo taken of the masseuse from behind, bending over with a really short skirt on. It seems that none of these women were aware of their photos being taken.

When i confronted my husband about it, he denied all knowledge of the photos and complete shock that they were there. He said he had no idea where they came from. That his friends send him random stuff all the time. In one of the photos of the girls, i could see the signs in french - and i know the country we holidayed in spoke french.

Plus when i checked the properties of the photos, they were taken by the same model as his phone. I feel i have overwhelming evidence, but he is so strongly denying it, i dont know what to do. I have a history of antenatal depression so he is suggesting we go couples therapy - but i feel he is trying to deflect attention from what hes done.

What do you all think... is it possible that the photos were sent from his friends? If not then why is he lying to me and denying it all? I feel like i have lost trust in him completely.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 20/08/2018 16:47

Is his friend a pervert also??

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:48

Sorry just to add that the random strangers he took photos of were in places like starbucks and macdonalds...

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2018 16:48

Nope. Sorry OP but your DH is a creep and a liar.

Plus when i checked the properties of the photos, they were taken by the same model as his phone

There's your answer. He spent 2 days perving over total strangers. URGH.

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:49

Thats what i asked and he said that guys send photos of girls to each other all the time... its a normal thing

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 20/08/2018 16:49

Of course he isnt going to admit it! And if he was innocent he would definitely not suggest counselling. Guilty guilt guilty. Get rid of the creep

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2018 16:50

No it's not normal. Are his friends all creeps too...?

hellsbellsmelons · 20/08/2018 16:51

You know he took them.
And HE is the one that needs help.
HE needs counselling!!!!
Of course he is denying.
They all do.

Then they minimise when they are caught.
Then they elaborate some more when they have been caught again, etc.....
I am assuming you are pregnant so this isn't cut and dried.
What do you want to happen?

Lynne1Cat · 20/08/2018 16:51

He clearly has been caught out doing something he doesn't want to admit to. Tell him to admit it so that you can get it out in the open

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:51

Im devastated. Pregnant too with baby 2 on the way. He is so strongly denying it, almost blaming me saying that i have no trust in him.

OP posts:
Shazafied · 20/08/2018 16:53

Was it a really common phone like iPhone 5 etc?

Not saying it wasn't him like.

And men dont send each other creep shots all the time !!

Whisky2014 · 20/08/2018 16:54

It's still a lie

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:54

I am not sure what to do. Scared now of what I would find on his phone, not that i would ever snoop. But the trust and respect is totally gone right now. I cannot stand the thought of him touching me nor the thought of being aroumd other women with him. And i dont understand why he would suggest counselling, like i am the one who is messed up.

I have told him to just admit it so.we can move on. But he is so.adamant that the photos arent his.

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 20/08/2018 16:54

Wtaf. Of course he did it. Sorry, very creepy Sad
And also very manipulative lying and trying to turn it around on you!!

CrossFlannelCherry · 20/08/2018 16:54

The chances of those pictures being sent to him by a mate is zero in my opinion, and no it isn't normal for men to take pictures of body parts of non-consenting women just going about their lives, and send them to their mates. Sorry OP he's lying and he's also very immature and creepy.

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:54

No not that common, a HTC M8

OP posts:
Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:55

Yes thats what i thought. Im really creeped out right now. Devastated too.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/08/2018 16:57

No it is not a normal thing for guys to send such images to their fellow men all the time. And no his friends did not send them these either. I would think you would find many other such images on his phone and computer hard drive as well. He took these photos on his phone when you had gone home.

He is not at all going to admit to you he is a voyeur so you have to decide whether he is someone you can now live with at all. And why has he suggested couples counselling, it is really to deflect from what he has done here. No, just no.

If there is no trust there is really no relationship. You have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make.

MysteriousQuinn · 20/08/2018 16:57

Ffs men don't send each other pictures that they've taken of some random woman's boobs while she's waiting for her big mac Hmm
He's a creep and he's been found out. Sorry he isn't who you thought he was Flowers

dudsville · 20/08/2018 16:58

Know what you know. Don't be shaken from understanding the truth. What you do worth that is up to you but don't let him think he got this by you.

ScabbyHorse · 20/08/2018 16:59

He's lying to you

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:00

Thank you everyone. Not sure how i am going to be able to handle this, i am due to give birth in 4 weeks. Your comments have made me realise i am not going mad and overreacting.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 20/08/2018 17:12

If somebody sent some upskirt photos to my husband he’d tell me, then bollock them, then block them. Most rational me would, surely?

JaniceBattersby · 20/08/2018 17:12

And also, it’s illegal now.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2018 17:12

Oh you poor thing. Is there anyone you can confide in in real-life?

Yes, do not let him convince you that you are overreacting. That's gaslighting.

DavedeeDozyBeakyMickandTich · 20/08/2018 17:13

It is not normal for men to send each other such photos (or porn for that matter) the only men who do this are creeps and perverts and not someone I'd want to be married too personally. So his excuse isn't exactly great even if it was true.

Of course he's vehemently denying it he doesn't want you to realise he's a pervert. My mum found a porno mag hidden in our house once and her boyfriend at the time denied it was his so passionately - he almost managed to make her believe that one of us kids had brought it home from school as that's 'what kids were like' according to him. We were primary school age for crying out loud! In the end she got rid of him some time later but the fact she even doubted her own common sense and did indeed question us about this just shows how good these people can be at lying.

The fact he didn't just come clean as soon as you found the pictures really rings alarm bells - not willing to be honest with you, likely still up to this stuff maybe even doing worse things now? If it was just some silly youthful mistake or phase or whatever and he owned up to it maybe it wouldn't be so bad but the lying would upset me, I wouldn't be able to trust him now. Sorry op Flowers is there someone you can confide in in real life?