Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Found photos on my husbands laptop...

133 replies

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:46

Hello

I am writing in desperation as i really dont know where to turn to. I hope someone can help.

Yesterday I was compiling a calendar using our old photos and came across some photos from holiday a few years ago when me and my partner were engaged. I left the holiday 2 days early, so he had 2 days to himself.

In the photos (dated on the days i wasnt there) i found "creepshots" - photos of random attractive female strangers, focussing on body parts like the bum or legs. I also found photos of a dodgy massage parlour, with a photo taken of the masseuse from behind, bending over with a really short skirt on. It seems that none of these women were aware of their photos being taken.

When i confronted my husband about it, he denied all knowledge of the photos and complete shock that they were there. He said he had no idea where they came from. That his friends send him random stuff all the time. In one of the photos of the girls, i could see the signs in french - and i know the country we holidayed in spoke french.

Plus when i checked the properties of the photos, they were taken by the same model as his phone. I feel i have overwhelming evidence, but he is so strongly denying it, i dont know what to do. I have a history of antenatal depression so he is suggesting we go couples therapy - but i feel he is trying to deflect attention from what hes done.

What do you all think... is it possible that the photos were sent from his friends? If not then why is he lying to me and denying it all? I feel like i have lost trust in him completely.

OP posts:

toothtruth · 20/08/2018 17:14

No thats not normal and you are not overreacting at all!!

toothtruth · 20/08/2018 17:15

its even worse than porn because hes clearly taken them to get a thrill out of being able to take pictures without consent... that would really really creep me out

Figlessfig · 20/08/2018 17:17

Just spoke to DH and (adult) DS. Their view is no way would guys send this kind of thing to each other, unless he’s in some group of perverts.

Could you go to your mum’s, or visit a friend for a few days?

Your husband is not a good man. Taking random body shots of people you don’t know, and without permission, is very creepy indeed.

If I were you I’d go away for a while and tell him you’re not coming back till he owns up. And god knows what you should do after that. Honestly, you get my very first LTB.

TomHardysNextWife · 20/08/2018 17:17

Sorry I couldn't deal with that.

Looking at other women wouldn't bother me, and I'm sure DH does so regularly. I'm not adverse to looking at men and thinking "yum".

But taking a photo????!! He's violating their privacy and your trust.

Doingreat · 20/08/2018 17:18

Of course he's lying. How dare he suggest you go to counselling? He's suggesting the problem is in your head. He's gaslighting you op.

Original poster

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:20

Thank you all. No there is no one that i can confide in at all. Most of my friends are close to my husband and i dont really want to go to my family about it. Its just embarassing for all of us.

I keep going to him softly and asking him if he could just admit it, that i wouldnt be angry and that we could move on. But he just shows me deep anger that i would even doubt him and distrust him.

OP posts:

Girlslikeme · 20/08/2018 17:22

What’s his explanation for the dates and the language?

CrossFlannelCherry · 20/08/2018 17:22

for you OP. He needs to come clean and do some serious self reflection if you are to stand any chance of moving forward from this. Perhaps show him this thread so that he understands he's on his own in thinking such photo's are normal.

Original poster

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:22

Thank you yes that is what i thought. What kind of friends sends things like that to each other. What does LTB mean?

OP posts:

WildFlower2018 · 20/08/2018 17:23

"But he just shows me deep anger that i would even doubt him and distrust him."

The fact he reacts with "deep anger" is telling.

Because he knows he's been caught out and is trying to deflect. Make you seem like the unreasonable one. The bad guy. Classic.

Original poster

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:23

Thank you that is exactly what i intend on doing.

OP posts:

Snoopychildminder · 20/08/2018 17:24

LTB- leave the bastard

I would want to see what else is in his phone but i would ask him and want him to be present whilst I looked. I suspect his “my mates sent them to me” is a rehearsed line and there will be probably more photos.

PerfPower · 20/08/2018 17:25

Ask him who the friend was? (The one who took the photos). Imagine just going about your day and someone takes a photo of you, of your bum/legs/boobs to zoom in on later. Bleurgh.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/08/2018 17:25

Eeuk! I have no idea how I would cope if that were my DH. Aside from being illegal it is just disgusting and not the actions of a man I could love.

That and his very aggressive denials and blaming you, OP, that would make me re evaluate the relationship.

You can't deal with it alone, this place will help you vent, but you must talk to someone in real life - sod 'embarrassing' that's on him, not you! You need someone who can help you not be steamrollered by his aggression, denials and counter accusations. For your own mental health, please, confide in someone in your real life.

Original poster

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:26

Re explanation for dates and language, the photos all date from 4 years ago. So he is claiming to not have any memory of them at all. He says that when he downloads photos from his phone, his whatsapp images download as well as his camera roll, so his friends must have likely sent him random whatsapps at the same time he was on holiday. Language wise he says that even the UK macdonalds feature world specials so may have had a french special on at the time.

OP posts:

buttermilkwaffles · 20/08/2018 17:27

If you still have access to or copies of the photos you can upload them to this website and it will tell you exactly where and when they were taken by reading the meta data (exif info) in the files:
readexifdata.com

Original poster

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 17:30

Absolutely the fact that he has been caught per se and denying it is killing me. I really loved him and thought he loved me too. But i cannot ignore what i have seen, the images keep playing around in my head. In one photo i can even see a bit of the green shirt he is wearing. But he has permanently deleted all of the photos now.

OP posts:

Kennycalmit · 20/08/2018 17:30

Urgh what a sleaze

Of course he’s guilty. But even if on the off chance he didn’t take the photos themselves, he’s still claiming it’s okay for his mates to take sleazy creepy photos of unsuspecting women and share them around?

How dare they!!!

Regardless of whether he actually took the photos or not he obviously doesn’t see an issue with the photos being taken and shared. He’s an absolute creep and you deserve so much better, OP.

Do not let him make you feel guilty

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/08/2018 17:31

He is still lying through his teeth and it makes me wonder what else he is and can lie about. He used his phone to take these photos of these unsuspecting women and without their consent. Do not doubt what you saw with your own eyes here.

Whisky2014 · 20/08/2018 17:31

Test it. You send him a picture on WhatsApp and see if its time and date stamped at the time you took the photo along with his mobile phone model or yours

Deathgrip · 20/08/2018 17:32

Language wise he says that even the UK macdonalds feature world specials so may have had a french special on at the time.

Klaxon! My bullshitometer just exploded

He is not only lying, but gaslighting you and blaming it on antenatal depression.

Kick him the fuck out.

Whisky2014 · 20/08/2018 17:32

Oh hes deleted the photos!! Come on OP

InDubiousBattle · 20/08/2018 17:33

So sorry op. Does he serously expect you to believe his frankly ridiculous explanation of the language? I'm a bit of a luddite so the down loading of photos might be plausible, but the signs being in French, the extra days alone, the French mac Donald menu?? He did this. It might just be a waste of time trying to get him to admit it op, he just keeps digging instead doesn't he?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/08/2018 17:33

He is clearly not the man you thought he was.

Does he have a computer or hard drive somewhere?. Those photos were taken for his own sexual gratification and I would also think there are a lot more images too.

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 20/08/2018 17:39

Hi you poor thing .have you discussed it more with him?what a disgusting thing to do .don't let him turn it round on you it's just deflecting it from himself .so sorry he's not the man you fell for

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6