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Original poster

Found photos on my husbands laptop...

133 replies

Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 16:46

Hello

I am writing in desperation as i really dont know where to turn to. I hope someone can help.

Yesterday I was compiling a calendar using our old photos and came across some photos from holiday a few years ago when me and my partner were engaged. I left the holiday 2 days early, so he had 2 days to himself.

In the photos (dated on the days i wasnt there) i found "creepshots" - photos of random attractive female strangers, focussing on body parts like the bum or legs. I also found photos of a dodgy massage parlour, with a photo taken of the masseuse from behind, bending over with a really short skirt on. It seems that none of these women were aware of their photos being taken.

When i confronted my husband about it, he denied all knowledge of the photos and complete shock that they were there. He said he had no idea where they came from. That his friends send him random stuff all the time. In one of the photos of the girls, i could see the signs in french - and i know the country we holidayed in spoke french.

Plus when i checked the properties of the photos, they were taken by the same model as his phone. I feel i have overwhelming evidence, but he is so strongly denying it, i dont know what to do. I have a history of antenatal depression so he is suggesting we go couples therapy - but i feel he is trying to deflect attention from what hes done.

What do you all think... is it possible that the photos were sent from his friends? If not then why is he lying to me and denying it all? I feel like i have lost trust in him completely.

OP posts:
FruHagen · 20/08/2018 18:42

He must think you're an absolute idiot as well trying to lie to you about it. He's been caught bang to rights.

Sorry this is happening to you

PPPMA · 20/08/2018 18:45

Hope you're okay OP

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 18:48

Im ok thanks guys. I have a 20 month old who is the light of my life so i keep him close for cuddles everytime i get close to tears. Just so shocking and upsetting.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/08/2018 18:50

I‘m so sorry OP, your DP is a hideous creepy fucker and just angry at being caught out.

mathanxiety · 20/08/2018 18:59

It's time to give him the silent treatment. Tell him you feel genuinely sorry for him if he really thinks you are the one with problems here.

Who do you have lined up to go with you to give birth?

SunflowerJo08 · 20/08/2018 19:00

So sorry you have found such grim photos and he is lying to you about them. Does he have google photos? If you log into his google account, if you know the log ins or if he leaves his email open, you can see what photos are on his phone. Possibly the same with Flickr.

runbeerrunbeer · 20/08/2018 19:07

Have you a way of getting hold of his phone OP? Does he have ICloud or anything like that?

What you have found, is not a behaviour trait that develops over night. Such risk taking (at the risk of getting caught taking the pics) will have increased as time has gone on. I don't doubt that what you've found is only a small collection of what he's taken/accessed. What you saw over a couple of days seems to show a real fixation. His days will have I suspect revolved around this. Don't forget, there'll have been numerous attempts in between those photos usually, where he didn't have access to opportunities or there were barriers to getting the images.

Take your time and do what's right for you, with the support you have here and in real life.

AnyFucker · 20/08/2018 19:12

You know the truth, op

He makes my skin crawl....how can you even look at him ? Confused

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 19:15

I cant look at him at all.

@runbeerrunbeer i didnt think of that 😔

OP posts:
Harpstrings · 20/08/2018 19:17

If there is any possibility that they are upskirt photos, or taken without the knowledge or consent of these women, I would be tempted to report this to the police so they can do forensic searches of his tech (phone, iPad, laptop). Are you sure he hasn't taken any such photos of you, without your knowledge? Certain?

He is trying to make this your fault. He is shifting the blame onto you.
Don't allow him to do this.

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 19:30

The first few are photos of e.g. the back of one as she is standing waiting for someone, another woman had a voluptuous fighre and was making her coffee at starbucks (there were extra bum shots for her), and the others were of these 2 girls at a McDs sitting on their phones with hot pants and a vest on. They were taken at medium range but not up the skirt if you know what i mean.

The last few photos were at a random massage parlour. He had photos of the 2 masseuses talking to each other and then another one that must have been setting up the room and she was bent over in a tiny outfit. He took the photo from the far door so the photo was far away but you could see it was a dodgy salon... because who would wear that giving a massage. Plus it was taken in an conservative country so people dont walk around dressed like that on the street. Thats how i knew it was dodgy.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 20/08/2018 19:34

The fact he's gaslighting you to the point he's trying to imply you're crazy and this is normal is scary. You are a heavily pregnant woman with PND and he is making out you're crazy because you've caught him taking creepy non-consensual sexually motivated images of other women without their knowledge or consent. And he's angry with you for challenging him because that's a bloody good way of making you drop it so he doesn't have to face what he's done.

I'm so sorry, lovely. Is there someone you can trust to talk to about this? Friends, family? This is abuse, I'm afraid. It's emotional abuse to try to convince someone they are going mad when you've done something shockingly wrong, and they've caught you. That simple.

And counselling would be a really, really, really bad idea with someone this manipulative.

perfectstorm · 20/08/2018 19:37

he has told me that he will fly back to his parents if i do not agree to couples counselling

Again, this creature is not your friend. He's threatening to abandon his toddler and unborn baby and wife, 4 weeks before her due date, if she won't go along with his plan to manipulate his way out of some seriously creepy and weird behaviour. You know how wrong that is.

I am so so sorry. Who can you get to support you, here? Is there a friend who would be a reliable source of shoulder to cry on, and help in the weeks ahead? Your family?

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 20/08/2018 19:37

Although I believe your husband has taken these vile pictures and is trying to cover. WhatsApp pictures do automatically save to photos. They will have the date and time on them from when received. However like you previously said OP strange how these photos are dated only when you were not around. Even if his friends did send them (so not true) no respectable man would find these pictures funny or appropriate. Sorry Flowers

runbeerrunbeer · 20/08/2018 19:39

What do you mean by girls op? Young women or kids?
Sounds like the images have developed. He's got more daring as the days progressed? Ended up in a massage place?

Do you remember how he was when he came home?

JK1773 · 20/08/2018 19:42

I’m so sorry you’ve found this. I suspect it’s the tip of the iceberg in reality. As someone else said, this perverse behaviour does not appear overnight. It might be that he’s settled now and hasn’t done it since but that’s very optimistic. The state of mind he had to be in to do this is very disturbed. I’d say you can’t even begin to put this right unless he tells the truth. Don’t let him make you doubt your own sanity. You know what you saw, you know the truth. I suspect he will deny and deny. I doubt he’ll tell you the truth. I went through a similar thing with my ex. Very similar. He tried to make me think I was going mad. He never told me the truth until the day I was leaving. He was truly defeated by then and knew he’d lost everything. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stick to what you know to be true and don’t compromise your values. Those women were daughters, sisters etc. It’s disgusting

Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 19:52

@runbeerrunbeer no dont worry they were all definitely adults - if they were kids he wouldn't even be in this house right now.

I suspect he has probably stopped now, but like you said, thats very optimistic. The funny thing is that whilst we were on holiday, we had an argument about the way he was looking at some women. He is an atrractive guy and he knows it. He denied looking at women and told me that he looked at everyone and everything. Thats just the way he was and half the time he doesnt even notice attractive women that his friends notices. And that he is known in his friend circle for being the oblivious one when it came to women.

Thats the hurtful thing. He has built his personality and my trust around this claim but turns out he is worse than his friends that flirt with women outrightly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 20:01

@perfectstorm yes he has already been away twice this year and threatened to go again. I told him to go ahead but with his own earned money, not our savings. And that if he is okay with abandoning us again then to go for it, but that this time if he goes, to make sure he doesnt come back. Of course then he said he didnt want to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thsusnsjsjsh · 20/08/2018 20:02

Just to clarify when he went away the first 2 times they were for holidays - not following an argument.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/08/2018 20:05

I don't understand why he is still there at all

Let him fuck off to his parents, but make sure they know the true reason why

Why would you need counselling. You are not the sick fuck.

tribpot · 20/08/2018 20:07

I had a look at my Google photos, which is a mixture of photos taken by me and photos sent to me via WhatsApp. The ones which came in via WhatsApp don't have the phone model as part of the photo info.

I went back 4 years to check this isn't a recent thing - the photos taken by me (on my phone at the time) have the phone model as part of the photo info.

Mammyofonlyone · 20/08/2018 20:08

OP, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Devastating, I imagine, doesn't seem to cover it.
Apologies if this has been asked before, but have you asked him which friends specifically sent the messages?

birdbandit · 20/08/2018 20:09

I you are wavering about leaving him...imagine what it'll be like if you stay, and then in 5 years time he gets caught, (he's not going to give this up) and you are having to do the school run with all the other parents who know your bloke is a creepy voyeur. Them reading about it in the papers. That'll be rough.

Get out now!!!

Diamondlight · 20/08/2018 20:10

You aren't going mad! I really hate it how men deflect things! I've found myself in the past questioning myself even though I know I'm right because a man has so furiously denied something. Stay strong lovely, he's a fucking pervert.

But your right if he were to admit it, it would be a lot easier to try and move on from it, rather than lie!

SilverySurfer · 20/08/2018 20:13

This is so sleazy OP. I would sit him down and tell him that if he tells you the truth then you will try to work through it with him. If he continues to so obviously lie then you need him to leave the house temporarily for you to have time to consider your feelings. Whichever, you will NOT be going to couples therapy. Then be silent and wait for him to speak.

I wish you the very best

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