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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My poor Daughter

162 replies

upset70 · 02/06/2007 21:00

Not sure where this one fits...

I feel like my DD is a laughing stock, it goes back to when she was very first born, she has always been chubby and when she started walking/crawling she was clumsy (as all babies are) and the family used to joke that she was like a bulldozer and would say things like "hide all the ornaments if emily is coming around..". I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but it seems to have followed her around as shes grown up.

When she started nursery the other kids used to ask their mums why she "had a fat belly" and why she "looked like that" and their parents would always brush their comments off with an embarrassed smile. When she started reception the other kids would roll their eyes whenever they saw her coming, they would call her dopey and say things like "stay away from me today I dont want my pictures ruined" etc. She has always been quite forgetful and the one time one of the girls in her class had a party and told my daughter that she couldnt go as she'd forget the date and then the other girls started laughing at her saying she'd forget were she was going half way there etc.

She's now 11 and this attitude towards her has continued all through her life, the teachers say things to me like "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but the other kids are more nasty saying she's "gormless" and docile. We were in town a few weeks ago and she saw one of the boys from her class and as he walked past her she did that "duh" face (where they stick their tongue in their bottom lip) and shouted "duh" really loud in her face, all his mates burst out laughing and he said "its ok, she'll forget about it by monday"

When she started her secondry school last september the 2nd day there they had a pe lesson where my DD ended up falling over in front of the entire year group, this totally wrecked any hope she had for making friends at this school and they all keep going on about it to her "show us how you fell over" every 5 minutes etc

Today was the straw that broke the camels back really, she had been invited to a party by one of the kinder girls in her class, turns out she only invited her because her mum felt sorry for my DD anyway somewhere over the past few weeks my DD had heard it was a fancy dress so we went all over yesterday to get her a costume, we got her an "elizibeth swan" costume and she went in it all proud today only to realise when she got there that it wasnt fancy dress at all, one of the bitchy little brats had told her it was for a laugh. She was the only one dressed up, the "kind girl" just looked confused and looked at her mum as if to say "what do I say?", my DD was obviously mortified, the rest of the girls were in hysterics and even the parents were giggling among themselves.

I just feel so sorry for her, is life always going to be like this for her? she tries to laugh along with them but she's hurting.

OP posts:
nightowl · 04/06/2007 21:14

why is she a troll? what, because kids cant be that cruel? rubbish. my ds is dyspraxic and he's had much of the same treatment. a troll posts to cause trouble and stir things up, the op has posted nothing like that.

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:14

Am I out of touch or is it fairly unlikely that 14yo kids will care about a site called mumsnet, if they haven't previously been introduced to it?

Still don't get how you instantly jump to this as a sensible explanation. What am I missing that makes this thread different to the masses of threads on here everyday asking for help about what to do? FFS, some people can't even buy a washing machine without a thread on here, this problem is a little more serious than that so why shouldn't it have a thread?

noonar · 04/06/2007 21:20

ok, although the OP is very emotive, it has a slightly detached tone, iyswim. it's almost slightly journalistic in style- a heart rending (sp) commentary of someone's misfortune, but written by an observer, rather than someone at the centre of it. Hmmm...

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:21

Have to say, I write like that - its easier to write the facts if you're worried about something, and avoid the emotion because otherwise you'd get caught up in it and your post would be 2 pages long.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:22

you're entitled to your opinion, ladies, and if I'm wrong then shoot me.

Zog · 04/06/2007 21:23

Good grief

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:23

sorry, but I do think you're wrong

nightowl · 04/06/2007 21:24

well i hope those of you who think shes a troll are right because i was accused of being one the first ever time i posted and it hurt like hell.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:26

And yet nightowl rings a bell. You've posted under that name before. upset70 has no previous posts until this one.

FrannyandZooey · 04/06/2007 21:27

Completely agree with WWB

if we question and doubt every poster who we feel slightly suspicious about, there will almost certainly be genuine people getting hurt along the line, and people lurking will be put off sharing their difficulties in the same way

not everyone uses internet forums in the same way or understands exactly how MN works

not everyone feels the need to have a dialogue or respond to messages for instance, or checks in daily or even weekly

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:29

So upset70 might just be someone who's come along, joined because they have a problem and then posted about that. Not all of us join, have a chat, and then come up with problems. I certainly only joined MN to whinge and get help, I couldn't have cared less about chatting - that came later.

walbert · 04/06/2007 21:29

Have you not noticed upset70's later post states 'her real name is not emily'. ????

So mother's post about any other parents tips to deal with an isolated and bullied daughter (possibly as a last resort as sounds like she's at her wits end) is met with all this? Come on mumsnetters, i only joined recently as it seemed a really nice and helpful place: start threads for a laugh about trolls and stuff as there have been previously if need be.. but to use what most likely is a genuine post to start the troll stuff again? Thank god this wasn't a post i'd raised: i'd be fairly upset with the lack of help on some of the posts.

hatrick · 04/06/2007 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fryalot · 04/06/2007 21:31

I would rather get trolled by someone 100 times than insult and ignore a genuine poster desperate for answers.

fwiw, I don't think that upset70 is a troll but it doesn't really matter, she has asked a question about what amounts to bullying, and later on in the thread, she has been bullied.

Just my opinion.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:31

FFS!!

Is it because I'm in my forties?

The lady ain't a tramp.

She's a troll.

nightowl · 04/06/2007 21:32

desiderata, the first time i ever posted was with a problem, a very complicated one. i was shot down in flames. i had never heard of this site, had just found it in a baby magazine and had no-where else to turn so gave it a try.

that doesnt mean i was a troll, obviously im not as ive been here for 4 years now.

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:33

So you honestly think she's a troll - then what are you doing continuing to post on here and fuelling it???

Totally agree sqounk - wouldn't much care about being caught out by a troll but would feel horrible accusing someone innocent.

hatrick · 04/06/2007 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:34

And if she's not a troll, then where is she?

Asleep, because she has to go to school tomorrow

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:36

Or maybe she's tidying the house, watching the telly, working, getting an upset dd off to sleep or any of the thousands of things we all have to do apart from MN!!!

hatrick · 04/06/2007 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:37

Ladies, I would rather we didn't fall out.

She's a troll.

I have a big heart, but it doesn't extend to this type of behaviour.

1sue1 · 04/06/2007 21:39

I don't post very often. This kinda thing would really put me off if I were more sensititve...

Anyway my point is this..so what if it is a troll? You've voiced your suspicions, why post again?
What about other people who are having the same problems with their kids being bullied, but just read this site and never post? How is this diversion from helping a bullied child to an 'is she isn't she' going to help anyone least of all the OP?

my advice to op would be to start with the school. I would make an appt with the head tomorrow, and take it from there. This can be sorted out and the school should take this very seriously.

Good luck

WK007 · 04/06/2007 21:40

So ok, for a sec I'll assume you're right and she's a troll. So tommorrow she'll go to school and tell all her friends "yeah, I started that thread and there were loads of people giving advice and a couple of them even knew I was a troll and still kept posting - how stupid is that!!!"

You're happy with that?

mummytosteven · 04/06/2007 21:40

agree with WK and Squonk here. Many of us who have been through bullying when younger find this post very convincing.