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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My poor Daughter

162 replies

upset70 · 02/06/2007 21:00

Not sure where this one fits...

I feel like my DD is a laughing stock, it goes back to when she was very first born, she has always been chubby and when she started walking/crawling she was clumsy (as all babies are) and the family used to joke that she was like a bulldozer and would say things like "hide all the ornaments if emily is coming around..". I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but it seems to have followed her around as shes grown up.

When she started nursery the other kids used to ask their mums why she "had a fat belly" and why she "looked like that" and their parents would always brush their comments off with an embarrassed smile. When she started reception the other kids would roll their eyes whenever they saw her coming, they would call her dopey and say things like "stay away from me today I dont want my pictures ruined" etc. She has always been quite forgetful and the one time one of the girls in her class had a party and told my daughter that she couldnt go as she'd forget the date and then the other girls started laughing at her saying she'd forget were she was going half way there etc.

She's now 11 and this attitude towards her has continued all through her life, the teachers say things to me like "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but the other kids are more nasty saying she's "gormless" and docile. We were in town a few weeks ago and she saw one of the boys from her class and as he walked past her she did that "duh" face (where they stick their tongue in their bottom lip) and shouted "duh" really loud in her face, all his mates burst out laughing and he said "its ok, she'll forget about it by monday"

When she started her secondry school last september the 2nd day there they had a pe lesson where my DD ended up falling over in front of the entire year group, this totally wrecked any hope she had for making friends at this school and they all keep going on about it to her "show us how you fell over" every 5 minutes etc

Today was the straw that broke the camels back really, she had been invited to a party by one of the kinder girls in her class, turns out she only invited her because her mum felt sorry for my DD anyway somewhere over the past few weeks my DD had heard it was a fancy dress so we went all over yesterday to get her a costume, we got her an "elizibeth swan" costume and she went in it all proud today only to realise when she got there that it wasnt fancy dress at all, one of the bitchy little brats had told her it was for a laugh. She was the only one dressed up, the "kind girl" just looked confused and looked at her mum as if to say "what do I say?", my DD was obviously mortified, the rest of the girls were in hysterics and even the parents were giggling among themselves.

I just feel so sorry for her, is life always going to be like this for her? she tries to laugh along with them but she's hurting.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 04/06/2007 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovemybed · 04/06/2007 18:26

it cant have been easy for the op to write all that about her own daughter but she did it hoping to get advice and support, i bet she feels even worse now. i cant believe people would doubt someone for a couple of petty little things. it just goes to show that this "scool bully mentality" never really leaves some people.

Pinkchampagne · 04/06/2007 18:26

Good luck talking to the school & I really hope things improve for your poor DD. Sorry you have been upset.

lovemybed · 04/06/2007 18:27

school

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 04/06/2007 18:28

I think a few of you owe Upset an apolgy quite honestly. Just because we get trolls on MN doesn't justify anything, but if ant of you are big enough to apologise I expect that's what you'll say..

With threads like these, if you have doubts, what would it actually cost you to keep your doubts to yourself? As WWB and others have said, the advice offered is genuine and useful so can still be utilised.

Upset, thinking of you.. ((hugs)) to you and "Emily" and I hope she finds her niche in life some time soon and really finds a way to come into her own. She has a great deal more than many children already (even, or in fact especially than some of those who have been unkind to her) and that is a loving and compassionate mother.

scatterbrain · 04/06/2007 18:29

upset - could you help her find her niche ? She must be good at something ? Music or art maybe ? Even something like voluntary work - something she can do to make herself feel good about herself. Doesn't matter if it's not a "cool" thing - it's not about being cool - it's about finding something that she can do well.

I really feel for you both - hope the school can help - thsi really is bullying and should not be tolerated in this day and age. kids can be so cruel. Could you change her school to give her a fresh start ?

Blu · 04/06/2007 18:35

I have no advice - i wouldn't know what to do.
But I do know that there was a girl at my school who was consistently treated like this.
And last week I saw her name in the paper as the head of a huge organisation. I guess that she found an environment in which she could be herself and show herself and others what she could do.

noseynora · 04/06/2007 19:10

Well, I am sincerely sorry for getting it wrong. Also gobsmacked I have to say. Glad there is plenty of good advice. I can't really add to any of it TBH, think every avenue has been covered!

Just want to say, I only became involved with this post because I find bullying truly awful and makes me that it goes on (including on the net, hence my concern).

Best of luck!

Wilkie · 04/06/2007 19:14

Agree with Shiney - think Upset is owed an apology.

Upset, please don't feel that you cannot post on here again. The majority of people on MN are helpful, supportive and downright wonderful.

I sincerely hope that 'Emily' finds her way in life and grows up to be a strong, independent woman.

xx

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 20:16

NOPE. Coming back (eventually) does not mitigate.

Loathe me if you must, but she's still a troll.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 20:23

I have a long nose for a troll

BadPuppy · 04/06/2007 20:34

I agree with Desi. This does not ring true.

And if you were there when the horrible boy pushed his face into your dd's - why did you not react?

noonar · 04/06/2007 20:35

hmmm, tricky one.... upset. agree with whoever said this sounds almost farcical.

sorry if i've got it wrong, upset, but i hear the trip trap of tiny hooves too...

WK007 · 04/06/2007 20:42

Oh FFS - does everyone on here have to write in exactly the right way and deal with life in exactly the right way to be allowed to post???

Someone's had a problem, dared to post it on here and even dared to come back and defend themselves but that's not good enough, they've obviously missed some vital secret code (even I can't see what it is) that allows them to get help without being shot down in flames.

Is it so hard to believe that an 11yo would get bullied and their mother would care enough to ask for advice? Is it really more likely that a troll would make it up???

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 20:47

Yes, it is really more likely that a troll would make it up.

I am neither an aggressive person or an overtly cynical person, but I'm sure I'm right.

hatrick · 04/06/2007 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WK007 · 04/06/2007 20:52

It is REALLY more likely that a troll would make it up for no reason than a child being bullied would have a caring mother???? I sincerely hope that's not the world any of us live in.

BadPuppy · 04/06/2007 20:53

Yes definitely troll. Any parent faced with that situation would have re-acted in some way and would have told us what they did in their post. Particularly as this op is so detailed....

WK007 · 04/06/2007 20:54

Maybe the OP doesn't know what to do or how to react, which is why she has to seek help...or attempt to anyway

Wilkie · 04/06/2007 20:55

MN makes me so sometimes.

When I was pg I posted on here some really stupid and pathetic worries I had an I had floods of support.

This poor woman has posted once, come back to defend herself and you are all still at it.

Shame on you all. I am really really ashamed to be a member of this forum sometimes

hatrick · 04/06/2007 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

elasticbandstand · 04/06/2007 21:00

kin ell.
as someone has already pointed out.. if you think someone is a troll just don't stoke the fire.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:00

Oh, please! I've been silently accused on this thread of many things. It really is silly. Loads of women have given loads of good advice on this thread, and as has been suggested, some of it has been of help to EVERYONE other than the OP ....

... Who is a troll

hatrick · 04/06/2007 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 21:11

Can I explain what I think is going on here.

I think that we are dealing with a bunch of teenage girls who are bullying a girl called Emily.

Hardly any one on MN calls their kid by their first name. The OP may be well-written, but nothing that a 14yo couldn't do. They will go to school, tomorrow, and allude to the fact that 'her mum' is posting about her.

I am neither cynical nor heartless. I am concerned.

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