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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My poor Daughter

162 replies

upset70 · 02/06/2007 21:00

Not sure where this one fits...

I feel like my DD is a laughing stock, it goes back to when she was very first born, she has always been chubby and when she started walking/crawling she was clumsy (as all babies are) and the family used to joke that she was like a bulldozer and would say things like "hide all the ornaments if emily is coming around..". I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but it seems to have followed her around as shes grown up.

When she started nursery the other kids used to ask their mums why she "had a fat belly" and why she "looked like that" and their parents would always brush their comments off with an embarrassed smile. When she started reception the other kids would roll their eyes whenever they saw her coming, they would call her dopey and say things like "stay away from me today I dont want my pictures ruined" etc. She has always been quite forgetful and the one time one of the girls in her class had a party and told my daughter that she couldnt go as she'd forget the date and then the other girls started laughing at her saying she'd forget were she was going half way there etc.

She's now 11 and this attitude towards her has continued all through her life, the teachers say things to me like "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but the other kids are more nasty saying she's "gormless" and docile. We were in town a few weeks ago and she saw one of the boys from her class and as he walked past her she did that "duh" face (where they stick their tongue in their bottom lip) and shouted "duh" really loud in her face, all his mates burst out laughing and he said "its ok, she'll forget about it by monday"

When she started her secondry school last september the 2nd day there they had a pe lesson where my DD ended up falling over in front of the entire year group, this totally wrecked any hope she had for making friends at this school and they all keep going on about it to her "show us how you fell over" every 5 minutes etc

Today was the straw that broke the camels back really, she had been invited to a party by one of the kinder girls in her class, turns out she only invited her because her mum felt sorry for my DD anyway somewhere over the past few weeks my DD had heard it was a fancy dress so we went all over yesterday to get her a costume, we got her an "elizibeth swan" costume and she went in it all proud today only to realise when she got there that it wasnt fancy dress at all, one of the bitchy little brats had told her it was for a laugh. She was the only one dressed up, the "kind girl" just looked confused and looked at her mum as if to say "what do I say?", my DD was obviously mortified, the rest of the girls were in hysterics and even the parents were giggling among themselves.

I just feel so sorry for her, is life always going to be like this for her? she tries to laugh along with them but she's hurting.

OP posts:
Wilkie · 03/06/2007 19:25

Jalopy, do you think maybe the OP has ......a RL that means she can't check on MN every day - surely not????

noonar · 03/06/2007 19:27

upset, i replied to your other thread. i really feel for you, but why did you post this twice on 2 separate threads?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 03/06/2007 19:29

Perhaps Uspet thought it would be better placed in the Relationships section seeing as it involves how people relate to her DD.

Wilkie · 03/06/2007 19:29

The OP does say she wasn't sure where to post...

noonar · 03/06/2007 19:46

fair enough, on offense to OP intended...

Sakura · 04/06/2007 00:24

I got loads of not so nice comments for posting a thread under different categories the other day. I had no idea about active conversations, and just assumed that people looked under specific categories like I did. I thought if you didnt look under a certain category i.e relationships, you wouldnt see the post.

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 00:31

Sorry ... but she's a troll.

Jalopy is correct.

I sussed him/her earlier and she's trying a different tactic.

  1. Why post the same thread twice?
  2. Why does he/she never respond?
  3. No one would be this consistently cruel to a child. Some children might (and only some), but mothers? I think not.
Wilkie · 04/06/2007 08:02

Desi - no one would make that type of story up (IMO). It sounds true. What kind of kicks would she be getting from posting that????

Have faith.

noseynora · 04/06/2007 08:13

Don't often post but can't stop myself on this one. My first thought was - no way. You'd never use your dd's name for a start. I'm with Jalopy. any more hardhats to go round?

Wilkie · 04/06/2007 08:29

But why would anyone do that Nosey or am I being incredibly naive?????

noseynora · 04/06/2007 08:37

I'm not sure, the only thing that springs to mind is that this thread is just perpetuating some RL bullying of someone somewhere. Teenage girls spring to mind. It just didn't ring true to me at all when I first saw it and now that the OP hasn't been back after the long post, well.. .
Sorry, but that's what I think. or maybe I'm just cynical!

Desiderata · 04/06/2007 08:59

I'd love to have faith, Wilkie, and I admire your stance.

But the OP has opened two identical threads. The first got plenty of response .. she certainly wasn't ignored, and nor has she been on this one. On neither thread has she responded to any of the kind and supportive posts.

Sorry ... but it doesn't ring true.

Sakura · 04/06/2007 09:07

If you are real, Im really sorry for thinking this upset70, its just that most people dont leave it this long before replying. And there are situations in your post that seem a bit farcical.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 04/06/2007 09:15

You don't know that the child's real name is Emily.

I also think some people also ought to consider the concept of giving someone the benefit of their own doubt. You are entitled to think what you like.. but to post, and risk making this woman feel absolutely awful, is just self-gratifying. I don't find anything Upset has said particularly outlandish.. just sad. And I would much rather offer support to someone who may not be being completely honest (who knows how much truth there is in what anyone is saying on here?) than miss an opportunity to support someone genuinely in need. Can't you see that? It is NOT an "obvious troll" post at all.

It is also quite feasible that someone might post and then not get back to the thread for some time. This is not a reason to doubt someone.

Otter · 04/06/2007 10:07

Personally i cast aspertionas on a troll because they are taking the pi@*

Making a mockery of genuine folk asking for genuine advise

sniggering behind their screen

no posts before or since...the whole post read as if my ten year old wrote it tbh

noseynora · 04/06/2007 10:24

I have never given my opinion on a a would-be troll before, but this one made me Far far too much info re particular incidents to be a concerned mother - it is written from a childs perspective. Who would post every detail of their childs bullying like this?

WigWamBam · 04/06/2007 10:31

With a post like this, I don't think it matters much whether the OP is a troll or not.

There is some very valuable advice on both of this poster's threads, and even if s/he is taking the pee, someone out there may very well be getting some really positive help by reading them. No-one should feel that their input into a one-off thread like this has been wasted. There are lots of lurkers who for whatever reason don't feel that they can post here themselves, and there is every chance that this thread will be helping someone.

pirategirl · 04/06/2007 10:35

well if she wasnt a troll, shes gonna feel a hell of a lot better now isnt she.

I f you are there, please read soem of the lovely responses.

The post seemed too detailed and heartfelt to be made up.

Otter · 04/06/2007 10:36

agree nosynora

ChipButty · 04/06/2007 10:45

If you don't want to help then don't post but accusing someone of making things up isn't helping anyone. Who are you to judge whether someone is genuine or not? I can't believe how heartless and cynical some of you are on here.

GameGirly · 04/06/2007 11:04

Pretty eloquent for a child, though ... no typos and some good words ("docile").
Come back if you're for real, Upset - then we can help you (or at least support you).

noseynora · 04/06/2007 11:36

Wigwam, you are right - hopefully the good advice given will be helpful to someone. I'm sure it will. As I said ealier, I just hope that this thread isn't being used to perpetuate bullying of some poor girl. "oh look at this link, your mum's on the net about you" with every bloody detail. That's why I'm still banging on about this!

Gamegirly, a 15yr old could write this no problem.

I'm off, saying no more on the matter.

Wilkie · 04/06/2007 15:11

Agree Pirategirl.

Whoever the OP is though, be it a worried mother, worried child or someone taking the p*ss (which I don't believe).

At least some of our posts are giving useful advice that should help in some small way.

GameGirly · 04/06/2007 15:22

Sorry, Nora - no experience of 15 year olds, but the ones local to me just ain't that bright! Looks like you're right, though ...

Original poster
upset70 · 04/06/2007 18:14

Thanks to those of you who offered support and advice. I posted in two different areas of the site as I wasn't sure which one it fit under and personally I don't read every forum on the site, just the few that interest me and I assumed everyone else wouldn't look in every forum either so felt it better that I post it in parenting and relationships as it seemed to fit both.

Reason it took me so long to reply is because I work long hours and do not use the computer much, I wasn't aware that it was expected of a poster to reply instantly, I certainly never expected instant replies to my thread.

Her real name is not Emily.

In answer to the support I recieved, she has been tested for dyspraxia, autism...everything, nobody can find anything wrong with her. I enrolled her in a football club and she went twice before the others started being nasty to her because she couldn't play very well. I enrolled her in Brownies and she didn't like it as they shouted too much. She is going along to a summer club at the local leasure centre however so we'll see how that goes and she has recently started swimming lessons.

I can't understand why anyone would think this was a joke, it's hardly funny is it?

I will be speaking to the school tomorow night, I won't be posting about it anymore on here.

Thanks to those of you that helped.

OP posts: