Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Just wondering how long people wait for replies from Bumble? I tend to give a few hours but that's it then I delete. Am I being too rash?

Had a few flirty long chats but that's it, nothing very promising. I just think so much choice that everyone wants to keep their options open.

Eesha is that a reply to your initial message or once you've exchanged a few?
Initial messages disappear after 24hrs if there's no reply.
I think a few hours is a bit harsh. What if someone's working/driving/dealing with kids, life etc.
I don't delete matches unless I haven't heard from them for a couple of days

Hi, so this would be after I mail them for the first time. I had a few matches on Bumble so decided to follow up but heard nothing so was just going to delete them. Might wait a little bit though. Just irritated having it out there hanging. Guess this must be how men feel a lot!

Bumble is notoriously bad for its notifications. So they may not even know they have a match, never mind a message.

I tend to unmatch after around 3 days if they don't respond or the convo dries up.

I've just deleted one who sends a message every few days with promises to meet up, can't be bothered. If they aren't keen now and making an effort, it won't get any better!

I honestly don't get it when you feel like you are getting on, then they say let's chat tomorrow, but nothing! Too much choice!

kin good luck with your new job and I am sure I can hear some wailing here in Portugal you will be too busy working to spread the love ;)

Date with Surf/Ski tonight. Probably will involve sushi, snoggin and I am not sure what else. I still don't feel a massive stirring to want to get into "bed" with him and I don't know why becuase I do think he is attractive and a lovely human being. I don't feel pressured at all by him which is good.

Thanks for the best wishes all. Too busy to spread the love pudding? You're making me worry now!

Shitwithsugar how long have you been dating him?

I would say that seeing each other once a week one month in is totally normal!!

I don't know how to highlight a name,but shit,i think you just need to ride this out for a bit. yep it's frustrating but it's only been a month. Just hang on until the clocks go back and then it will be dark in the eves and you can go and see him without the ex's sister seeing you.

And after a while if things are going well,even if she did see you it really shouldn't matter. We are the prize and our men should be professing (I think that's the word) and he should be putting your feelings before the ex if he sees you as a potential long term

shit I would really worry if I couldn't go round somewhere. You sure he's not married?

Another point is, apparently where he lives his ex's sister lives 4 doors down so I can't go there in case she finds out. So he either comes to mine or we go out.

This would ring massive alarm bells for me. If he's single why can't he have someone visiting him?? The sporadic contact wouldn't work for me either, especially not long-term, it would drive me mad and I'd get resentful, but the no visiting the house thing is a real red flag.

Shit, if I were seeing him only once a week that would be ok to start off with, with a view of increased contact in the future. However, that fact combined with you not being allowed over would really be flying red flags at full staff for me! Why should he be concerned with exes Sister seeing a female there??? Just keep your eye out but the 2 facts together sound suspicious to me, I would pull way the hell back from a guy if he specifically prohibited me coming over. Something doesn't ring right. Either still involved with ex or not over it and hoping for her to come back.

Red flags are flying but suppose depends on how long he's been single. And how old his child is? He may not want to introduce you yet. It's so tricky all this dating.

shit if you're worried then there may be something to it. Women are rarely wrong with their intuition I find. And even if it isn't a married thing, it may be he's still more involved than he's let on etc.

And if OLD has taught me one thing, it is fuck me people lie like there is no tomorrow to get what they want. They may see it as bending the truth. But they will lie and lead you down the garden path if it means they get you into bed and where they want you to be grrr

Anyway fingers crossed it is not that bad xx but I would be doing some digging if I was you

shit I agree with the others. There are a couple of red flags here. Firstly the not allowing you to visit. Secondly the "flexible childcare arrangements" so he suddenly can't see you.

Where have you been when you've met up? Have you actually gone on dates or has he come to yours?

Also, having done OLD for a while now, you should definitely go with your gut.

As for seeing each other once a week in the first month, I think that's just enough.

Let us know how things pan out.

I ran into Mr Young and Hot. It's been over a year since I've seen him. He's still living up to his name. We weren't expecting to see each other. His girlfriend was there - the one he hadn't really broken up with when he hit on me previously.

He's still very sexy, but he's still the sort of man who would cheat on his girlfriend and I'm still not dumb enough to want that. Well, I'm enough to want that, but not dumb enough to act on it.