Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Mum sudden disappearing, messaging at odd times, full on and then nothing at all... those could all be signs someone is married/partnered. There are probably more but undoubtedly some of them hide it well too. If your instincts are flashing flags I would listen to them.

Sorry, red flags that should say.

Vet... Yeah I'm getting that feeling. 'met' him on match where he was really chatty and interested in my background (unusual job ) then suddenly his profile was deleted. Saw him on bumble few weeks later and said hi. He seemed to 'recognise' me but wasn't sure if he was bluffing and being polite. After all, some people message loads of people at once don't they even if I'm crap at juggling!

But then we started messaging via kik. I told him I was going on holiday and it would be nice to do coffee when I'm back. He was starting to use too many sweetie, honey, terms though which I don't like. Now I'm back. Then he messaged on day 1 of my holiday saying he hadn't heard from me and hoped I was OK. Thought that was weird. Now he's deleted his bumble profile.

I don't expect to hear from him now but thinking he wasn't real and likely married?

Thanks all - the journey has been a bumpy one but I've finally got to a point where I know my worth. Kissed a lot of toads, frogs, snakes and three eyed nuclear disaster mutations to get to this point.

I know that this guy would be stupid to let this go..... (God I sound so bigheaded I am really not at all) He even admitted it to me himself. Let the wait commence.

Thanks all for the advice. I'm going to send Mr Cat a very honest message in the next day or so, I think. He was lovely and he'd had a chance if Mr Museum hadn't been even lovelier.

vet same! We talk for ages and it seems like minutes. He's calling late afternoon today. It's lovely, just so easy. Fingers crossed neither of us are disappointed next Saturday!

Vixen that's awful when that happens. I'm glad he was honest though. He might retreat and come back, but if not it sounds like you're being very sensible about it.

Vixen Kissed a lot of toads, frogs, snakes and three eyed nuclear disaster mutations to get to this point.
That did make me chuckle

I’m away at the mo, so wasn’t expecting much of Bumble (I’m not dating someone 3 hours away any time soon) but a guy from my home town and am interesting sounding/looking Welsh bloke swiped me so I’ve matched with both.
Turns out Nye Bevan is also visiting family in Wales and actually lives about 15 mins from me.
Date next week. No flies on Nye 😀

I stand corrected. My kik chat iron has just messaged. Still on with the pet names though. Urgh! Anyone had this and said you didn't like it?

My ex was big on using honey etc. He was abusive and I read that it can be red flag in some men. Either because they're womanisers who don't have to remember your name or worse, because it lessens you to a role rather than being a person

mum I think we have had this on the thread before. I am a big darling/gorgeous type person. And never thought anything of it till this thread:). I think it really really can mean nothing other than the person being a bit affectionate! If you don't like something though say so. Say my ex used to call me honey so I would rather you didn't if that's ok!

Why can't men just order themselves in a nice orderly queue rather than arriving all at once! Like sodding buses

cover not sure 're Mr NY. All often seems well till you meet them. We are now talking a lot though. Sigh.

Sorry that was for vet not cover..on my phone so can't scroll down!

I am a big darling/gorgeous type person

Darling is such a funny name. Last person I called darling was pregnant twenty seconds later.

kin

I don't want to be uptight about it but it is tied up with my abusive ex so yeah, makes me wince a bit and probably I'm a bit cynical.

Im fairly new to the dating thread so sorry if this is old ground.

mum I didn't mean it critically, more that you are not alone in feeling that way. Lots of people don't like it it turns out :).

Got you! Over sensitive? Me? Yeah probably

Guys I just feel so fed up :( I have a few dates organised for this week but all the men are just not making any effort. I can see they're all actively using the dating apps in the day to chat to other women, as their location changes and they've changed pictures. I can see they're online on Whatsapp all evening, they haven't even replied to my messages. One I went on a date with the other week and he seemed really keen at the time, saying he wants to see me again and now messages are stopping.

It just feels like for guys there is this conveyor belt of available women and I feel like I'm competing and I hate that :(

Does anyone feel this way? How are you guys managing to keep going with dating. I just feel like giving up before I've properly started.

I’m feeling naff too, matches on Bumble but conversation doesn’t seem to go anywhere, several just wanting flings. No one mind blowing!

eesha and miaow it can take ages to find someone. I've felt the same as you when I get one word answers, conversation dries up or it's clear they're just after one thing. You soon learn to become quite tough and not take anything personally. I don't even go to WhatsApp with anyone unless we're going to meet.

If they don't reply to you it really is their loss. Just keep chatting people and eventually someone will come along who you really click with. But he patient. It could take days or it could take months. Good luck and keep coming here for sanity checks!!! This thread has been a godsend for me.

To be fair, it's not much better for guys. Plenty of girls struggle to keep conversations going to the point it makes you wonder why they bothered to message at all!

I was on the verge of giving up this week - no chats ongoing and it seemed I had messaged everyone in a suitable radius, but I've just started chatting to a new girl this weekend and she is actually asking questions back, so I'm giving it a bit longer

@meowimacat If it's any consolation it's exactly the same for us guys too.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I find it so hard to get a second date is because of the vast amount of available men for the women I go on dates with. I actually have a female friend who wants perfection - perfect first date, perfect guy with the perfect job, etc etc. The main problem being that if she doesn't get that impression someone who might be more perfect is only another swipe away, especially living in London.

miaow i think you need to stop looking at locations / what's app etc because before you're meeting or in an exclusive relationship you're already becoming jealous/ insecure. The world of OLD is like that. meeting lots i people and then choosing. men could be swiping the day of meeting you in case it doesn't work etc. I would suggest that you try to back away a bit and multi date for a while. it is tricky as it does go against your gut etc (hope that wasn't too brutal i genuinely want to help)

well my weekend was GAME CHANGING

So friday i meet mr banker for an impromptu lunch and then we go to mine and workout in my gym/ he leaves as he has plans friday night and as i'm texting him he reappears and asks me for dinner saying he will happily cancel his plans!

we go for an amazing dinner (i work in the emergency services so our budgets as vastly different) and i was like jack out of the titanic! the conversation flowed and he genuinely likes me.

then the following day we go on the original go ape date- which was hilarious and we are both so physical and out doors oriented. it was funny as i had previously had reservations about his job (would he be materialistic and boring) and his height (only 3 inches taller than me) - neither of this matters. he then came for lunch today and we played board games which was hilarious. he has later his cards on the table and said he has never met anyone like me before and is worried as he really likes me. i told him to stop worrying about risk vs reward and woman up! i like him too- really like him to the point i want to delete my accounts etc. he had already said he won't talk or date anyone else (offered it up without any prompting etc)

so it's exciting!

gym guy i've decided to leave as i just don't think he is that into me and is too imature to know what he wants

rich i agree about that - old is awful for the "is the next one better" situation. this can prevent people investing and becoming truly satisfied with what they find (reminds me of capitalism a bit)

have you tried a different way o meeting people in london- like a milatry fitness class or something?

Dan if the women you chat to aren't capable of keeping a good conversation flowing either look at your own style or, if you know that's sound, cut them off and move onto the next.

Great that you're chatting to one, hopefully you are not putting all your eggs into one basket though...

Rich you're in London! The dating world is your oyster! Living there too I know the choices are almost endless (if any one has any spare time I'll gladly take it off their hands) so you just need to persevere.

If I came across someone like you're friend I'd probably have to talk to them about unrealistic expectations. No-one out there is perfect so get swiping, get chatting and find the woman, or women, who are interesting and exciting enough for you!

Hi. I'm newly joined up to mumsnet although I've been lurking for years.. (river of sweetcorn, cube of poo and a blind date at the penguin house)

Can I join in?

I've been on tinder for a couple of months and pof for a month before that. I think I need to stop and start again!

I initially got bombarded with messages and matches and found it all a bit overwhelming and stressful, so deleted accounts.

Had a few dates, one weird, one very needy, then one which led to a friend with benefits situation...

There's no chance of that developing into anything else though, and I seem to have lost my way now. I can't work out what it is I even want?

I feel like my brain is melting! One minute I'm happy with the purely physical with no strings, next I want to go for a meal and be woo'd.

Help?

I can't work out what it is I even want?

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that you really ought to figure this bit out before proceeding!

One minute I'm happy with the purely physical with no strings, next I want to go for a meal and be woo'd

Why not have both? You said you've had a friends with benefits scenario so why not emphasise the importance of the friends bit with whoever you meet?