Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I find a lot of the watching last online on what's app etc is usually pretty normal behaviour when you're first getting to grips with it...... But you can drive yourself insane to be honest. Have you tried deleting the message from WhatsApp that way you can't be tempted to keep checking back and seeing if they are online.

X

Had a lovely second first date with a guy yesterday but he spoiled it a bit by getting a bit naughty via messages when we got home. I want someone to be attracted to me but be OTT about it. I made it clear I’m looking for more than sex and he says he wants more than sex too ... with really good sex. I messed this one up before my being too insecure so am trying to be a bit more relaxed this time and will make it known to him if he oversteps my boundaries. If he is the one for me that won’t put him off.

Sorry to post twice in quick succession.

I was treated horrifically by a guy I really loved. H would SAY all the right things but his actions were terrible . This guy isn’t too full on with his affection and I’m trying to see that actions speak louder than words and maybe the offer of a lift home or him planning a date should mean more than messages of how wonderful I am. I’ll give it some time and if I realise that I do need someone more full on then that’s ok :)

@runsforcake. Thanks, yes that's exactly where I'm at. Lots more dating needed I think.

I'll square things with the current man and go from there.

runs I think end of August a funny time for dating. A lot of people away. Well done on getting new pics done. Was pondering that myself as a lot of people have said my pics are quite awkward! Fingers crossed it picks up next week, I imagine it will when everyone is back at work/school.

catmatrat you know where your boundaries are, but if a guy I've met doesn't get a bit naughty by text then I think he doesn't even fancy me. I'm not into Victorian moral values and some flirting is essential for me.

Haha bendy I totally get what you’re saying! But I felt like he was checking to make sure I was naughty enough for him 🙄

Daffo I did wonder if it was slow because of the bank holiday.
Having my photos done was a blast. I hate being photographed but because my friend is a professional, he knows how to make you relax and 'strike a pose'. I'm amazed at the results. He offered to Photoshop them a little, but I said no.
If you get a similar opportunity, go for it. Huge confidence boost, even if the men on OLD don't appear to appreciate it.

But without sounding big headed, I'm wondering if they're too good and I look like a fake profile. And that's why I'm not getting any interest.

But I felt like he was checking to make sure I was naughty enough for him

I do this - not because I want the chat to get too filthy who am I trying to kid? - but because I want to know the woman I'm talking to doesn't have the aforementioned Victorian moral values.

Thanks kin, that’s reassuring

runs the photos sound fab. Hopefully you will get some interest soon.

daffo I'm with you. I quite like a bit of flirting after we've met to show they're interested.

getting once I get to know someone I find it's best to be honest about my likes/dislikes. That way it sets their expectations. If they like you they will listen and accept it. You don't have to come across as needy either, it can be said in a nice way.

So Mr Cat has gone! He went all weird on me today. I called him. We chatted. He lives a long way from me and I told him the distance did bother me. I also told him I was chatting to one other and he just flipped at that. He asked if I'd be meeting the other guy first (I am) and he said he was "out of the running" in that case. I explained we had never met and we certainly weren't exclusive, so if I wanted to chat to more than one person I would. It strikes me he is very possessive and also very needy. A near miss, there.

Mr Museum is coming to meet for a quick drink tomorrow, work permitting. We've been getting on so well, talked loads, and I expressed concern that we might be putting ourselves under pressure for Saturday (our proper date). He's been so lovely and he's so laid back so I thought it was very thoughtful when he suggested coming up for a couple of hours. Just hope we fancy each other in real life!!

That's good advice TomHardy, thank you.

It is interesting how loathe I can be to state, gently of course, my needs for fear of being off putting. I do think it might be a bit too early though to say that I'd enjoy a little more communication; we've only had two dates. I think I'l let this week pass and see how things go.

We really did enjoy ourselves on Saturday but what will be will be. A little open communication won't hurt either way, I imagine.

Good luck for tomorrow Tom! Definitely a bullet dodged with Mr Cat, he did you a favour showing his huffy colours so quickly.

I'm on full-on Canada countdown now... 4 days to go. To say I'm excited would be the understatement of the century. We're still talking/video calling ridiculous amounts and he's still amazing so I'm hoping beyond hope that it's as good as we both think it's going to be when I get there.

Thanks vet. You must be so excited!! I am very excited for you. It sounds like you have something very similar to me and Mr Museum. We've spent hours on the phone this weekend. It's just lovely.
Hope you'll be able to update us when you're there. We will all be on tenterhooks!

I don’t think there’s anything particularly ‘Victorian morals’ about not wanting to sext before you meet someone.

I’ve made the mistake of doing that with someone and then when we met it was just hideously awkward.

So now, I’m the vanishingly rare event of them instigating it,, I’ll say that we should see if there’s chemistry in person before we go further.

I think victorians didn’t sext because it was awkward to, down at the telegraph office

I agree @bant..I've had several sexting and even got a bit into it at some points. 😬😳 But when I wanted to meet, to see if there was a spark in real life they backed off.

One still messages weekly to see if I'm still seeing the bwf as I'm not playing anymore. I've said that breve time he needs to meet the girl quicker.

That might not make sense I've had gin . I don't even like gin!

bant I think you will find we were discussing flirty texts after having been on a date with the person, not sexting a stranger.

I have been following this thread closely, really interested that some of the ladies here are so upfront about not having anything heavy. I’ve always been in LT relationships but wanted to try OLD just to get my confidence back after an abusive relationship. I realised I wasn’t ready for anything heavy as so much focus on my kids. Just started chatting to someone and clearly it’s just a lust thing but actually just refreshing to lay my real cards on the table. I think I’d be too chicken to meet up but so good to feel that excitement again!

I’m still very wary of any kind of sex talk via the net/phone till I’m in a well established relationship. Only because revenge porn is now a thing and even if there’s no photographic evidence, I’d just be massively embarrassed if my inner perve (yes, I do have one ) was revealed to anyone I might know outside of said relationship. And I can’t/won’t trust a relative stranger with that.
Plus I’m after a LTR, with someone that is too.
We all have different aims with OLD and different speeds at which we like to reveal stuff. Or different levels we keep it at, maybe. One person’s “Victorian moral values” is another persons “you’ll find out in a while yet” and a mismatch in those stances will show itself up pretty quickly, I think. Thankfully.

Hi everyone,i must be very Victorian as I may have flirted lightly in messages on pof,but have never sext text anyone,even in a relationship!! And if anyone thinks they will get a random naked pic of me on their phone,well that's a no as I still have an old nokia (need to upgrade I know). I think the floaters who are multi dating and not quite sure what they want, do expect a woman to entertain them in this fashion,but most men who are looking for a longterm,in my eyes respect the woman more if they don't. I'm 3mnths in with new fella and he is not a texter at all,would be lucky to get one a day,but he calls me a lot...and has never asked me to get mega flirty. once i'm secure and know he will stick around I will go less vanilla!

Hey fellow daters. I'm still feeling very 'meh'. I turned my profile on again on POF at the weekend, after a break of two weeks and got lots of messages but no one I liked. Turned it off again last night. Must try a different OLD site, but not sure which one. I didn't get on with OKC at all and Tinder was just too brutal for me. Match was ok, but not all that, given I was paying. I'm considering Bumble.

I don't find sexting someone I haven't met a turn on. Always at the back of my mind is the thought that they may look nothing like their photos and I would be repelled by them in real life, so I can't do it.

Margo once again we are as one mind 😉 I’ve just hidden my POF profile as it’s just not yielding up anyone I want to reply to. I’m getting a lot more out of Bumble (got my third date from there this week) so I’d recommend it. And that’s doing a total 180 on what I said when I started OLD this time.....

user you’re old skool nice one. Hope it works out for you.

Thanks Cover, I will give Bumble a go. Need to shift the 'meh' feeling!

I've deleted Tinder. Five days and not a single match. I've run out of anyone to swipe, just seeing the same faces coming round again.
Thinking of ditching POF as well. No interest on there at all.

Would anyone like a look at my profile and tell me which bit is the man repellent? Thanks.