Husband is planning an affair

[shitsabouttogetserious]

A couple of weeks ago I discovered my husband was chatting through fb messenger to an ex of his from his teenage years. It was pretty innocuous stuff mostly although he was a bit too complimentary/creepy for my liking so I decided to keep an eye on it. I didn't say anything to him cos I didn't want to alert him that I had access to his messages. Last weekend she called him out on his intentions with her and he was all like "I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from" and she was all "fair enough, let's just leave it at that then and stop talking before things go any further". At this point I'm thinking, ok, he's pushed his luck but when push came to shove he couldn't take it further, no harm done, right? But then he messaged her back and said if she ever changed her mind and wanted to meet up and "test the spark" to let him know 😳 the fucker just basically asked for a no strings affair right? She didn't reply to this and he then deleted the whole convo (just as well I have screenshots then😁) things were quiet for a few days and I tried to forget it all happened but it all ramped up again over last 2 days when she initiated a friendly conversation again which then took a turn yesterday towards the "what are we doing here?" He has now suggested a weekend get together so they can "get to know each other" again! She lives far away from us. They haven't made any concrete plans/ dates yet.

So basically as far as I'm concerned my marriage is over! Tbh, I've been unhappy for a while but didn't feel I could "justify" ending the marriage without a "good" reason 😞 we have 3 dc together and the youngest is only 9 months old.

I'm thinking of holding out to see what arrangements they make and having his bags packed for him when he returns from get together. But its really hard pretending everything is fine in the meantime. This will be ended one way or another, there is no doubt about that but dying to work out in my head the best way to deal with it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.

Let him do it. It will sort things out in your own head. If you stop it now he can always claim he didn't really intend to go through with anything.

He can come home to his bags packed.

Time for you to sort out your affairs, make sure you know where you stand legally and start organising and mentally preparing for your marriage to end. Proper legal advice would be advisable whether you decide to let him go away for the weekend and meet her, or whether you call him out on it before. Either way your marriage is over by the sounds of it.

You sound unsurprised and somewhat unmoved by what has happened, I suspect you haven't been happy for a very very long time.

Your dc are the priority

Happy for you OP that he doesn't know about the money you inherited. I hope it stays that way.

Clear your internet history after this thread!

It's childish I know but I would pack his bags for the weekend be is planning with the woman and send him on his way for good. Very cheeky man. I'm glad you realise you don't deserve his shit

Even if he doesn't go through with the meet up I will end it, definitely! I think the conversations up to now are enough by themselves but I want him to know that he's fucked up, big time! I did think about coming clean now before he does something final, and using it to get him to work on and improve the marriage, but tbh, I can just see us a yeAr from now, back in the same position. He'll be better for a while and then he'll slip back into regular behaviours and I'll start wishing I'd just taken the opportunity to kick him out while I had it.

I strongly suspect that if I asked him to leave now he would just refuse. But if he goes through with this I can use it against him to get him to leave quietly (I hope). He would not want his family and kids to know he's such a cliche so I'm thinking that if I offer to keep it to myself in return for his leaving without a fuss.....

It doesn’t matter whether he has heard about it if op has the money. If it hasn’t reached her yet - maybe a quick legal separation before it arrives might protect it? But legal advice is the only way unless she lies and risks much more trouble if found out.

That sounds sensible op. You are a wise person.

The inheritance is about £6k. It's in an account he doesn't know about. I could give it back to my parents or I could put it into one of the kids accounts that I have access to (and he doesn't). But tbh, I don't think it'll still be there by the time any divorce would be settled. I'm kinda hoping to hold onto it and use it towards buying him out of the house at some point

I'd seek legal advice before you go further. Get that money transferred back to your parents too for your future

After you've sought legal advice and k is where you stand, I suspect you'll keep the house and he'll need to pay you maintenance til your kids grow up, but I've zero experience so don't take my word for it! Then confront him when your ducks are in a line
Good luck

The inheritance is about £6k. It's in an account he doesn't know about. I could give it back to my parents or I could put it into one of the kids accounts that I have access to (and he doesn't). But tbh, I don't think it'll still be there by the time any divorce would be settled. I'm kinda hoping to hold onto it and use it towards buying him out of the house at some point

If you want to stay in the house, strike while the iron is hot. Many men make generous financial settlements in the midst of an affair through guilt. Use this to your advantage.

When dh's ex had the money out of their house she withdrew it in cash and promptly went bankrupt. The insolvency practitioner never questioned her further on it.

Good luck to you all.

Can you withdraw the money and keep it away from him?

Give the inheritance to your parents to look after and close the account.

Pack his bag for him for his weekend with OW - and put a kipper in it. When he gets home don’t bother having bags packed for him, just chuck his stuff out into the front garden.

Sorry to hear this OP

would you stay with him thought even if he doesn't go through with it.
I don't know what you can do with the inheritance.is it possible to gift it to someone on your side to keep it out of his reach.because im thinking in a marriage this will go towards both of you shared in divorce?but im not sure.
can this marriage be saved.do yo uwant to.
get all your ducks in a row.
if his family kick up,blame you then just show them the screen shots and messages.end of.

So sorry you're going through this and you sound very strong. I agree that it would be easier to keep him quiet if he actually went through with the meet up whereas now as PP suggested he may suggest it was just an ego boost ect. The inheritance definitely seek legal advice over as that will be a nice little nest egg for you and dcs future. Could you engineer a weekend away for just you and dc and see how he responds to OW?

What a cunt he is OP. You poor thing, what a tosser he is. 💐 Let him progress with the weekend.......you never know he might actually crack at the very last second and not go through with this. Do have his bags packed though OP and find the name of a decent solicitor. Best of luck!

Now is a good time for your parents to dis-inherit you, if they pass away during the divorce he would be entitled to a share in it. A woman I worked with was cut out until her divorce was final.

Bloody hell. What a pair of arses.

No idea on the inheritance. Definitely get legal advice.

A handhold from me lass.

Hi OP give the money to your parents to hold onto for you.

As for hiding your feelings just tell him you have been feeling sick lately and it might be baby blues, plausible excuse with a young baby in the house.

If he does go through with it, change the locks pack aĺ his stuff and leave it outside for him so that he is unable to regain entry into the house. Also take printouts of the conversation for your solicitor and leave a copy on his belongings. The weekend he goes for his rendezvous you go and see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings.

Also when you ask your patent to hold onto the money tell them why.

What a shit he is, OP, I'm so sorry. He may know this woman from yesteryear but if it weren't her, it would be anybody. You deserve better and you'll be better off on your own.

He can still be a good dad if that's what he elects to do.

I think the advice on the thread is great; hold your fire, he doesn't know what you know - and let him make his plans. Whilst he's away you can get his stuff packed and out into the garage or wherever. When he's own his way back, ring his family to expect him.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I like mmer idea of texting him while he's away 😁

I might even drop his bags off at his mums so he doesn't have to come home to collect them.

Oh and the ow is single currently. Tbh, I hold nothing against her. She owes me nothing. She doesn't know me from Adam. He is the one who's supposed to be faithful to me and owes me respect.