Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

.

OP. I am glad that it is your house and it sounds like you are not married as you say DP, so he can't claim anything. Unfortunately you will be stuck with the debt also though if it is all in your name :(

I would put the phone on the table, tell him to text and cancel his plans for this evening and that you need to talk once the children are in bed. If possible, get the children out of the way so you can talk sooner.

I'm so glad you're not married and that you have your finances sorted.

Given that's the case, I think I'd tell him to get out and stay out. He's got a better standard of living, by living with you. He's got four children with you. He's treating you like a fool. Don't put up with it.

Or ring police and say you believe hubby is at a sex workers, give them the address and say you don't want them to tell him who reported it.

Please do NOT waste police time on a suspected affair. Just no.

ring police and say you believe hubby is at a sex workers, give them the address and say you don't want them to tell him who reported it.

Please don't do this. Total waste of police time and you don't know that he's actually seeing a sex worker. Regardless of who it is, you need to look after you. However you choose to handle this, we are all thinking of you

I don't know how you could keep quiet. I'd have to confront straight away.

Or ring police and say you believe hubby is at a sex workers

Good use of police resources. What do you think they would do about it anyway?

Good luck.

I would do one of the following;

1. Move the phone and see if he panics and mentions it before heading out tonight or if you can see him actively look for something you can see what he says.
2. Act coy at first, maybe see if you can get a baby sitter tonight and follow him?
3. Do as the others have said and change the number in the phone to your number and see what he texts.
4. If you are married take photographs of the phone and the messages on your phone, take your time and build your evidence and once you feel strong enough and sure it’s an affair you can have his bags packed at the door.
5. Confront him right away, see his reaction and then decide what you want to do.

Keep us updated!

Thank goodness for your mum Op.

Sorry you are going through this.

What citrus said - make sure he has no access to the family money. How has he been paying for things when he meets up with a woman though? Maybe he takes cash out.
Sounds like otherwise you are pretty sorted. Love the idea of changing the number to yours :)

Hold your nerve OP. And find out who this woman is.

Good luck OP, you sound very together and that’s great about the financial situation. So sorry you’re going through this.

Agree you need to take photos of absolutely everything so you have concrete proof no matter what he does with the phone!

I am so sorry. Been there and it's not nice x

So sorry for you op, I wouldn't be able to keep quiet, but I'd definitely move the phone. Thank god your mums advice helps 💐

Oh op what a shock.

Aww it's just shit isn't it, if your not ready to make a quick decision tonight then don't. You have got time on your side now you're up to speed the same as your OH.
Time to look after yourself just as he has been doing.
The phone dead suspect, I'm surprised he didn't come home from work with an excuse once he realised he left it behind, but then again he is a stupid man.
Big hugs xx

I'd be hiding the phone and acting totally normal when he gets in.

I'm so sorry OP.
What a low life he is.

I'm so glad you have been savvy with your money.

I just don't know what to say.
It's truly shocking.
Goodness only knows what is going through your head.

Stay strong. Stay focussed.
And I still say - HIDE THE PHONE
Watch him panic!
Although they probably message on his normal phone as well.

Sorry OP! I would withhold your phone number and ring the number on his phone and see who answers, you can hang up straight away.

Please don’t ring the police.

What you do now is very much dependent on the outcome you're after.
If he has been having an affair, is this something you could get over, or will it mean the end of your relationship?
Once you confront him there's is no going back. It may well be the chance he's been waiting for, to enable him to leave.
Another option you could do is to put the phone back, say nothing but phone the woman from a withheld number, tell her you know that she is having an affair with XXX , and that if the affair continues you will tell his wife. Do the same with your husband to this secret number, again withholding your number and leave a text saying you know he's having an affair and if it continues you will have to tell his wife. If he continues, then get rid!

I also agree to avoid any game playing - You don't need to do anything like that anyway.

I'm not confrontational either so in your shoes, I would just keep it simple.

How does he react to confrontation in general? Do you think it would be wise to have someone you trust in real life in the know and ready to help in case things get out of hand?

Or even just for support?

Does he sign off the messages with his name at all? If not he might just claim to have found the phone and be meaning to hand it in to the police.

If he is seeing a sex worker he is probably not using his real name, maybe his second name or his mate's name. Unless his name is John.

Or, when he gets home from work, just have the phone on the table and when he notices it ask him to tell you what's going on.