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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

999 replies

FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 15:57

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

OP posts:
speakout · 05/08/2018 10:59

BTW- I know this to my cost!!

SisterNotCisTerf · 05/08/2018 10:59

Thank god you have control of finances.

bethy15 · 05/08/2018 11:01

As opposed to other posters, I believe his story, mostly because it sounds so far fetched. There's no way anybody in their right mind would think up that they were dealing drugs for a friend, and you'd know it was the worst thing to say to your wife, because it's so incriminating. The only thing I think he might be lying about is not having full sex with her and only a BJ. I think he's tried to minimise that.

OP. I'm so sorry, clearly he is someone who you don't even know.

I find this really appalling. No wonder you felt as you did last night. This man is actually a monster, and he can lay blame on his friend, well 1, he chose this man as a close friend, so clearly they have a lot in common. 2, he chose to sell the drugs on his own and 3, he also chose to take sex for these drugs too.

Well, I agree with the PP, he is no better than a pimp, exploiting sex from a vulnerable woman to get what he wants and feed her drug habit. It's such a sickening scenario, and the fact you have four children and he exposed them to the dangers of being a drug dealer I just can't comprehend. By doing this he's put you and your children in extreme danger, it's unbelievable really.

It's so great you have your mother who is clearly very supportive. Ignore his texts and calls. Really, he has no right to be contacting you and what he's done, he shouldn't be seeing the children either, his presence puts them in danger, he's a criminal who is inviting trouble with his actions.

Take care of yourself and the kids. That's what really matters now.

bethy15 · 05/08/2018 11:02

Also, does he have any supply at the house?

You wouldn't want the children to stumble into it and also, you don't want to be implicated.

TheSassyAssassin · 05/08/2018 11:02

I hope he doesn't get chance to "explain" Bam, I hope in time Fucky finds the stength to let everyone know precisely what a lowlife he is. And am guessing the "friend" also potentially has a wife and kids, who equally deserve to know. They both deserve everything that is coming their way!

Apileofballyhoo · 05/08/2018 11:05

So sorry, OP. I have no words for how shocking and appalling that is. You must be in a state of total shock. Just wanted to say STD check for you ASAP.

SimonBridges · 05/08/2018 11:06

Fuck these men.

Wah wah wah. You are so busy with the children you don’t have time for me. You are so shit that I’m off to a stripper for a blow job.

Not, ‘love you seem so busy all the time, what can I do to make it fair. Let’s share the load.’

Fuck him making out it’s your fault.

He had been dealing and fucking strippers. He has put you and your children in danger.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 05/08/2018 11:07

I would tell the police.

If the shit hits the fan from another source you may be implicated.

That is very unlikely.

But taking the phone to the police definitely opens up a whole new can of worms the OP could probably do without.

This is the father of her children. Even though he's behaved like a low life, he is still their father and the ideal is that - once the dust has settled - he can be an effective dad and co-parent and the OP and him can be civil and talk about the DC. Giving the phone to the police isn't going to help that any.

speakout · 05/08/2018 11:08

OP do you know if he has drugs in your home?

There is so much risk here- if the police are alerted to this dealing( not by you) you are risking your house being pulled apart, social services being involved because it puts your children at risk.

In all could turn into a very messy situation.

MarchingOrders · 05/08/2018 11:09

Well done for staying strong. I don't think you should let him back. Not only has he cheated but he's also potentially put your family in danger?!

Trinny80 · 05/08/2018 11:09

That is absolutely disgusting!!
He is letting a woman give him a blow job for "drugs" fuck my life!!
What is he... some sort of pimp!!
How can he degrade another woman like that 😡

If my man did that I would chop his cock off and ram it down his throat.

The VILE dirty bastard.

So sorry to you and your babies ❤️

speakout · 05/08/2018 11:10

That is very unlikely.

You don't know that.

And it may happen- I know this to my cost.

People who deal in drugs do nasty things, they are vengeful, they want to protect "their" market- blowing the whistle on another dealer is common place.

Harpstrings · 05/08/2018 11:11

Now I WOULD hand the phone into the police.

He has clearly stated that he has been selling drugs, along with his "mate". If there is any truth at all in this, do you want him to have unsupervised access to the children? Do you want people to come looking for him at your house when he owes them money because he's accepted bj's instead of cash?
Whether his story is true or not, once you have given the police the facts as he said them, the story is on record & can be brought up to protect you & your children, in case he places you all at further risk with drugs, prostitutes, or anything else in the future.

Protecting the innocent here, and I include YOU, must be your priority.

CandiedPeach · 05/08/2018 11:11

Don't give the phone to the police, that's terrible advice IMO. Getting him arrested isn't going to help any.

She wouldn't be getting him arrested! His illegal activity would be.
Dealing drugs is a crime, it's also a dangerous business to be in. Say he hasn't been giving money to his mate and he tells the people he owes that OP's partner has it. What if it brings trouble to her and her kids, would you expect her to phone the police then?

Although I think there's a degree of bs about his story and I did mean more to say she was taking it to the police in the hope he'd speak the truth!

bethy15 · 05/08/2018 11:12

Wah wah wah. You are so busy with the children you don’t have time for me. You are so shit that I’m off to a stripper for a blow job.

I mean, the OP even said he gets BJ's at home, which is more than most husbands get regularly, and especially when their wives have four children.

Classic behaviour though of flipping it into the wives fault for their shitty behaviour. Quite amazing how they think they can justify it.

Hidingtonothing · 05/08/2018 11:12

One thing that's just occurred to me, how is he helping his 'friend' pay off his debt if he's taking bj's as payment? His 'friend' will still have to pay his dealer so where will the money for the drugs 'paid for' with bj's come from? I think that blows a fairly massive hole in his story doesn't it?

speakout · 05/08/2018 11:12

Harpstrings I agree.

I would report this to the police.

MenaMecca · 05/08/2018 11:12

His explanation is even worse than if he were just cheating on you. Because now it involves drugs. Shock

Stay strong, OP.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 05/08/2018 11:14

I don't think it necessarily has to be over (if it is what he says it is), if he sorted this out and finished this liaison immediately there might be a way back

Are you actually serious? This 'man' has not only betrayed his wife, but has exploited another woman and got involved in selling drugs.

He put himself and his delightful waste of space friend before her and his children and then tried to make out it was her fault. How fucking dare he!

AfterSchoolWorry · 05/08/2018 11:15

What a tool. His story is bullshit, he told drugs to help a friend and he kindly allowed a stripper to suck his dick.....and this is the best he can do as a cover story.

This means the truth is even worse. He's dealt drugs because he wanted to and there was sex with other women/another woman.

He's a prick. So sorry OP.

Thinkingofausername1 · 05/08/2018 11:17

I'm so sorry op. I think you have done the right thing asking him to leave. He clearly doesn't understand what responsibility is and You deserve so much more than this. ThanksThanks

KlutzyDraconequus · 05/08/2018 11:17

How true his story is doesn't really matter.
The important thing to remember is that, usually in my experience, if a cheater gets caught..
"It was only a kiss"
It was a handjob / blow job

"It was only a hand job / blow job"
It was full sex

"It was only once"
It was more than once.

Etc.

Liars lie.. they minimise and always admit to less than what happened.

I couldn't live with a person that had hd any sexual contact with nother person in such fashion.

Allthegoodusernamesaregonesad · 05/08/2018 11:19

💐 💐 I'm so sorry to hear OP. You handled it amazing with such clarity and grace. Keep your head up and remember you did nothing wrong. The fault is 100% on his shoulders. As for being bottom of the pile with the kids... That is just him putting blame off himself. I agree talk to your mom and tell her everything. And also book in and get an STD test ASAP.

Knittedfairies · 05/08/2018 11:20

You shut him down the minute he tried to claim he is the victim in all this - well done you! Tell your mum everything this low-life told you💐

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 05/08/2018 11:20

His 'friend' will still have to pay his dealer so where will the money for the drugs 'paid for' with bj's come from? From the family finances, presumably. Given how shit he seems to be with money, the OP is effectively paying for him to cheat on her.