Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

That's probably one of the more unlikely tales I've ever heard.

He was selling drugs for a mate and taking blow jobs in lieu of payment from a stripper?

Seriously? How quickly did he make that up? Becayse that's a fairly impressive little fantasy he's just spun.

If you hadn't found that phone, you would be none the wiser.
Some men - and the women who feed their fantasies - are real shits.

Well he has managed to do the mumsnet bingo lingo and go for a full house, drugs, sex and a sex worker . If he managed this without having to think about it, I reckon he may well be telling the truth however horrible it is and it does fit the short abrupt messages. It would be the end for me and I think it will be you too OP and I feel for you so much. I had to have one of these totally awful kind of conversations and I still don’t know if I git the truth as it was something from many years before . If like me , You will feel sick, racing thoughts, unable to sit still . I found taking a multi vit drink and eating bananas helped as couldn’t eat for a few days and didn’t have kids here to distract. Let people help and keep hydrated. You are worth so much more than this, how dare he blame you in any way, my H told me I had always hated his mother (who was dying at the time it happened) they do say such ludicrous things when panicking. You take care and keep a calm head even if you don’t feel it. Xx

If that ugly sordid tale is the best he can come up with then the truth must be much uglier.

Kick him out.

A very elaborate tale indeed!

And likely a load of horse shit.

He can dress it up however he likes, he's cheated.

He has got mixed up in criminal activity, drugs and got involved with a stripper who gives him blow jobs and you consider this dressing it up?

Wow.

Sorry OP. It's an awful shock to realise that you don't know the person you live with at all.
I hate to say it but you need to get some health testing done asap - it seems to turn out on mn that what men admit to is the least of what they've done.
And please nail down your finances if there are drugs and strippers involved. Get his name off anything to do with you and prevent him accessing your account.

Are you sitting comfortably because thanks to your DP we're in Jackanory territory.

Dodgy pal needs him to help sell drugs as he owes someone.

Your DP has allowed someone to pay in gobbles?

Dodgy pal still owes Mr Big. It isn't going to end well really...

Does he think blowjobs aren't as bad in the owning up scale?

He has got one thing right. He is the bottom of the pile. And deservedly so.

Go and let your mum spoil you today lass.

I think that tale would be enough for me to leave the relationship regardless of whether it is true or a cover up for something worse.

After that explanation OMG get rid OP! What an arsenal ole. So sorry.

Oh I’m so sorry OP! For me his story would make it much worse than if he’d been having a affair so him refusing to call it that wouldn’t do him any good!
He’s got a family and he’s been breaking the law selling drugs! He’s in a committed relationship and he’s been cheating. I’m guessing he didn’t use condoms, so he’s probably been putting your health at risk too. I don’t mean this in any disrespect to the women, but if he’s been true full (big if). Then she’s a drug user who is offering sex acts as payment (which he took and that’s far worse in my opinion). I can’t imagine he’s the only one though and I’d definitely be getting a check up ASAP if I were you and asking him if he even considered the health of the mother of his children while enjoying his blow jobs!

The bottom of the list in regards to the children is so typical cheaters script. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
My ex tried that one, and we still had loads of quality time together a very good sex life and yet he still tried the “I felt second best” line. To your own daughter, you fucking dickhead. That was my response to that anyway!

Arse ole FFS predictive text

what Dilly said above - not only the betrayal but the potential danger he has exposed yourself and your young children to by dealing drugs is terrible and reckless.
I hope your ok and are able to find some calm and clarity amoungst this chaos he has instigated

Oh OP, that’s so much worse than I thought... I’m so sorry.

Not ‘just’ cheating and strippers but putting your family at risk with the drugs involvement!! Absolutely unforgivable imo.

This isn’t some drunken encounter or mistake, this is cold meticulous deception.

You are worth so much more than this. Tell your mum. Tell your friends. You need their support and he doesn’t deserve your protection.

Sorry OP

You deserve 100% better.

Wow, what plot. I was waiting for Dirty Den to make an appearance and was disappointed when he didn't.

Kick him out. You don't need this shit. Strippers, blow jobs and drugs. Your DP is so unbelievably dim witted that I think you need to boot him out for your own safety. If the police end up involved in this in any way (and he is fooking stupid enough to end up in a cell) then the police and social services will be all over your family like a rash.

Kick him out NOW.

What a horrible situation. You are not to blame - he has made some massive errors of judgement regardless of whether or not there are any problems in your relationship. You are lucky that your Mum is supportive, you will need her for some stability for your children at the moment.
His story sounds pretty far-fetched to be honest. It makes me think that if this is what he's admitting to, the truth is almost certainly much worse.

Then he started to tell me how he’s bottom of the pile at home but I shut that shit down straight away I will not be blamed for this

And that, right there, is why you are going to be fine Duzz, the phrase 'nobody's fool' was made for you. He, on the other hand, is the biggest fool I've ever heard of, what an absolute idiot to risk losing a woman like you for a few furtive blow jobs!

I don't think his explanation raises any questions tbh, whatever the reasoning, circumstances etc he has gambled his lovely life with you and DC away for cheap thrills and that tells you all you need to know about whether he's good enough for you. It's the biggest head fuck ever, realising they're not who you thought they were and you must be reeling but it's still better that you know, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

Really glad you're going to your mum's today, just focus on putting one foot in front of the other for now, the rest can wait. Thinking of you

Fucking hell. Blow jobs(probably sex too tbh) , drugs, lies. I hope you dont take him back.

I'd consider it being dressed up, yes, becayse what he's saying is no emotional attachment. Apparantly the stripper fancied him. Of course she did. Sigh. So was offering him up blow jobs for his mates drugs.

He may have been selling drugs, but it's very unlikely that's what the phone was for, because as the op said, you'd have to have a list of contacts, all of which he apparantly managed to delete apart from this woman and their messages. Those he seemingly kept some of.

So the best excuse he could come up with was that because of drug dealing he been getting blow jobs off a stripper and it's all your fault anyway. I dread to think what the actual truth is.

I hope today is better for you.

I’m sorry this shit is happening to you especially with 4 small children.
Having been through this myself I just wanted to warn you that the deceit doesn’t end when you confront him and he confesses. Whatever his confession it will be a majorly minimised version of the truth. He will not tell you the whole truth just the minimum he thinks he can get away with.

Be strong and carefully plan your exit

I'm so sorry this is happening to you op. You're being really strong although might not feel it. Glad your mum is there for you.

Like other posters have said the blow jobs for payment makes no sense if he was trying to help his friend sell drugs for money! Either way he's still been getting blow jobs from somone else. (at the very least)

You're so right not to take his crap about being at the bottom of the pile! 4 young kids is such a lot to manage. I bet you put yourself bloody 6th in line and as you say you're not going out getting sex with strippers.

Wow

He's a deadbeat in disguise

The only way his story makes sense if if he gave his friend the money for the drugs up front and was supposed to keep whatever he made from selling them on? In which case he was basically paying for sexual favours. Plausible I guess? Still terrible though, I wouldn’t be able to forgive it.

So sorry OP. For what it’s worth I know a stripper/lap dancer who earns fuck loads more than everyone else I know. I really don’t buy that she wouldn’t be able to afford the drugs and needed to offer sexual favours for payment.
Sounds like a tall story to me,
you’re worth a thousand of him