Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

Sending support for tonight OP I don't know how you have kept so calm. xx

Arse

It is something dodgy whether that is drugs, an affair or a sex worker. OP, you do not have enough evidence to confront him. At some point this week you need to find the strength to find out whose no. it is otherwise once confronted he can easily fob you off with some stupid excuse.

Start looking at your back details and phone bills. Look up her no. Work out where he has been over the past few weeks.

Is there anyone on here who the OP can pass the no. to and do some super sleuthing? I know there are some very talented women on here.

I hope you are doing ok, Duzzyfuck. Hope at the very least you have managed to keep your mind busy. I totally empathise with you- I remember the feeling so intensely xxx

What an awful thing to discover.
If it was me, I'd do what another poster said about inviting her round, and let her think it's him. That way, he has no way of giving you any excuses when she turns up about the situation

This is so shit.
Look after yourself, OP, and as others have said, please do reach out to someone in RL if at all possible.

good luck x

All the hounds baying for blood

Hope all goes well OP.

I've been in a similar situation OP and know the way you must be feeling. Whatever it ends up being, I wish you well.

I would find some proof before you confront, at the moment he can just say it's not his phone - you'll be stuck in an accusation/denial loop and will feel awful.

I’m sorry this is happening to you OP and you have my admiration for not confronting him straight away.
I think I would of gone in guns blazing, but then again the thought of actually hearing all the details would turn my stomach.

Best of luck for tonight.

Good luck tonight, op

Hope all goes well this evening, and if you decide to wait a while before confronting him that's fine too!!...please don't do anything before you are ready just because strangers on the internet are telling you to

Unlurking to say good luck. 🍀

Sorry if I've missed something but are you absolutely sure it is his phone? I would have thought if it was an affair he'd be frantic if he couldn't find the phone?

Goodluck

Hi again - I haven't read thru every single message since I last posted yesterday so apologies if I repeat what a pp has said... I just wanted to add that it would be good if you could speak to a solicitor or someone from a free legal advice agency (if there's an active service near you) to get an idea of how you stand financially. I know you said that the house is in your name as you brought it independently of your husband - but courts look at a balance of things such as the fact that he's working - so he's the only breadwinner at the moment - so he is making a very real contribution. In your favour, if you get main custody of the children (again - should you divorce) - a judge would look at the fact that they need a roof over their head until the youngest one reaches 18 (I think). This is all very patchy bcos I haven't been through a divorce - I just wanted you to give you a 'heads up' that it doesn't necessary matter who came into the relationship at the start with what. This is to protect those (usually - the woman) who may never have 'worked' because they have been bringing up the children and keeping the home - from not getting anything. So a fairer system looks at the contribution that both parties have made whilst in the relationship (married or common law).
Similarly you may not be able to cut him off from (all) the bank account(s) if his wages are paid into it/them.
I'm not saying in any way that money should be the reason that you stay - but it's good to know where you stand.
Given your mum's past exp - did she suggest you get a prenupt?

Hoping someone on mn with some real experience - will clarify all of this.

Good luck OP, I'm hoping it is better than it looks and he has some sort of explanation for you

Twinkul the OP isn’t married so no need to involve a solicitor.

Hi OP. Hope you've had some chance to think and know what you want to say and / or do now. Must have been such a shock for you yesterday. xx

Here for you, and hoping that it all turns out to be something completely innocuous

I really hope your ok OP ❤
Just re-ran the thread to my DP and he is convinced it may be a drug phone as these types of handsets are essentially "disposable" and easy to replace if needs be

ah you’re all so lovely!
Had a manic day and we’ve only passed each other on the way in and out, he did ask me earlier if something was wrong though, he says I’m being ‘a bit off’ with him
I said I’m fine, he said he knows I’m not so I just said I’ll speak to him tonight

I’m just putting the babies to bed (well sitting on the floor waiting for the 2 year old to go to sleep 🙄) and thinking about what to say
I think I’m going to go with a PPs advice and not put any words in his mouth and not suggest anything and just say ‘explain yourself’ basically

I feel actually physically sick I’m so nervous

Thankyou all for the continued support throughout today
(Except the one person who accused me of making it up, God I wish I was!)

Just re-ran the thread to my DP and he is convinced it may be a drug phone as these types of handsets are essentially "disposable" and easy to replace if needs be

Oh goodie, now we have a mans view, we can all sit back.

Op, just talk to him. Seriously, I would just ask my husband, what's this, what's going on, all the James Bond type suggestions and skullduggery is ridiculous. I think some people forget this is real.

Just talk to him and go on your gut instinct.

And I can say, no, it's not a drugs phone. I have some unfortunate experience there, and For the reasons you stated, that's as ludicrous a suggestion as it gets.

Even if it did come from a man.

Good luck op