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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

999 replies

FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 15:57

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

OP posts:
MollyHuaCha · 04/08/2018 10:43

He still hasn’t looked for the phone.

Does anyone else think he might be innocent?

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 04/08/2018 10:46

The fact he isn't looking for the phone suggests that it's him initiating contact which as others have said makes it look much more like a phone used to contact escorts. I remember reading a thread about that revolting site where they all compared notes on the prostitutes and separate 'punting' phones seemed very standard and were usually kept in the car.

TomHardysBackpack · 04/08/2018 10:51

What plusonefail said

Poisongirl81 · 04/08/2018 10:53

defo sex workers.....have you googled the number?

bluetrampolines · 04/08/2018 10:55

Giggling the phone number is excellent advice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2018 10:56

Molly
It would be great if you were right. The only “innocent” explanation I could think of off the top of my head is that he’s been asked to take care of it for a mate, who’s addicted to sex workers or trying to put an affair behind him.

Chalady · 04/08/2018 10:58

I agree, its more likely to be contacting sex workers on, rather than an affair. Either way, the result is the same Sad

KlutzyDraconequus · 04/08/2018 11:03

I can't think of a single 'innocent' reason to have a second, cheap phone hidden away somewhere..

Shady.. very shady..

peachypetite · 04/08/2018 11:08

Note down the number, take pictures of the messages and then put the phone back. If you're not confronting immediately you don't want him to get any wind that you know. You need to keep upper hand. Some of the suggestions on are here ludicrous.

jaffacakeany1 · 04/08/2018 11:21

I still think he's just found it somewhere and stuck it in his pocket and forgot about it. I can't imagine in this day and age with all the lockable apps for messaging on smart phones why anyone would need an extra 'secret' phone?? It just doesn't make sense. I worry that he'll be upset that it's taken so long to ask him about it. But then I'm very much a "glass half full kinda gal"

JK1773 · 04/08/2018 11:22

My ex had a cheap pay as you go phone. I came home from work one day and found it charging on the bed. It had 2 numbers stored in it. Mine and another woman. I rang myself from it. It was the number of some creepy anonymous number that had been texting me the year previous pretending to know me and asking to meet behind my ex’s back. At the time it happened I’d been worried and I’d told him immediately about it. He knew I was upset, he never flinched. Just asked me who I thought it was!
The second number he’d been texting that day in a similar way been creepy and anonymous. I’ve no idea who that girl was.
When I confronted him he denied it, said he’d found the phone in the garden. Just happened to have a charger etc. Ridiculous. He hid that phone and I never saw it again.
This is not the same but to me there is no reasonable reason to have a hidden phone like this. Make sure he doesn’t get it back. I agree with trying to find out whose number it is. He’s definitely up to no good Flowers

Slatternsdelight · 04/08/2018 11:32

Drugs phone-especially if it's an old nokia

Good luck OP

TrippingTheVelvet · 04/08/2018 11:40
Flowers
BeyondRadicalisationPortal · 04/08/2018 11:42

"I can't imagine in this day and age with all the lockable apps for messaging on smart phones why anyone would need an extra 'secret' phone"

So they can pretend they are all open with their DP - "oh I have no concerns, he isn't secretive with his phone at all and will let me use it any time" - while contacting OW/escorts/whoever completely secretly? No secret unaccessible apps that their DP might wonder about on the phone they have access to?

HappenstanceMarmite · 04/08/2018 11:50

No secret unaccessible apps that their DP might wonder about on the phone they have access to?

Precisely

MotherofTerriers · 04/08/2018 11:54

Yes, My ExH had a smartphone with all the apps etc but still had a "secret" phone for texting/calling the OW. He hid it in his sock drawer.

littlejo67 · 04/08/2018 12:01

You can't have been watching 100% of the time, I bet he has flown into the cupboard and looked while you back was turned. Would only take a few seconds.

Beaverhausen · 04/08/2018 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LemonRedwood · 04/08/2018 12:17

all these cheating poss with similar story lines

That's because cheating partners are never original and all tend to stick to the same script.

OP is under no obligation to report back about anything. If you want drama, watch a soap.

It's also been less than 24 hours since the first post.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 04/08/2018 12:18

She explained why upthread. She doesn't want to sit there obsessively looking at the picture of a woman who is fucking her husband.

slothsaremyspiritanimals · 04/08/2018 12:19

ThanksThanks

hendricksy · 04/08/2018 12:19

Good luck !

PickAChew · 04/08/2018 12:22

Ffs, op is hardly creating the sort of dramatic storyline that many far more dubious ops do. It's her life. She's not in any imminent danger. Don't expect her to jump on command.

DontTryJustBe · 04/08/2018 12:32

I'm not saying he is innocent and there are lots of explanations which are less harmful but l am asking what you actually KNIW right now....

You have found a phone with a number stored in it, which has been used recently, in his coat pocket

He was out until 2am saying he was going out for dinner with friends

So.... don't put yourself through the stress of him having an affair until you have more facts. It doesn't sound as if he has become withdrawn or is being less involved with the kids and you haven't said that he is acting differently towards you, not does he appear to have looked for the phone as soon as he has come home/before he went out....

So for what it's worth l suggest not drawing any conclusions... perhaps note down the number in the phone and take pictures of the messages if you feel that would help you but how about just asking him? Explain that you head a beeping and found a phone and can see no reason why he would need it. Don't give him any options to choose from as to why or put words into his mouth about sex workers or an affair, simply ask him to explain and see what he says. I am not being naive or trying to raise your hopes but perhaps he is planning something and wants to keep it under wraps? Good luck and remember to do what you feel is best xx

0range99 · 04/08/2018 12:34

Beaver

This kind of thing happening is a shock.

The OP needs to deal with that first to be able to think clearly what is best for her and her family, not just confront for your satisfaction.

If and when the op confronts her husband it will blow their family wide open - not something to be done lightly.

Sometimes it is prudent to watch and wait.

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