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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

999 replies

FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 15:57

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

OP posts:
MollyHuaCha · 03/08/2018 23:06

I'm hoping there's a good explanation too. It's still possible! Good luck OP.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/08/2018 23:07

LithaFest

On one hand i was, bu hen I had o have a serious cha wih Plod abou i (o be fair, hey were very sympaheic as hey acceped I hadn known i was he number she used for her hairdressing business [would sill have done i]), so while I wouldn recommend i o anyone.......yeah i was good :o

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/08/2018 23:09

On one hand it was, but then I had to have a serious chat with Plod about it (to be fair, they were very sympathetic as they accepted I hadnt known it was the number she used for her hairdressing business [would still have done it]), so while I wouldnt recommend it to anyone.......yeah it was good Grin

Sorry, keyboard T doesnt work so I have to put them in with the on screen keyboard!

LithaFest · 03/08/2018 23:10

@PyongyangKipperbang it's still an amusing story (probably not at the time though). Yeah I'm guessing that could be counted loosely as revenge porn 🤷🏻‍♀️

LithaFest · 03/08/2018 23:12

Hahaha I read your post and couldn't make sense of it at first. Then I read it again and mentally added 't' where I thought they belonged and all became clear Grin I assumed your phone or keyboard was having a momentary glitch

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/08/2018 23:15

I never thought of that, probably just as well it was before the leglislation came in.

I am an "Act first, think second" person in situations like that. It was the way she just brushed it off as "just a bit of fun" that got me incandescent, as if I was over reacting.

I am in awe of you OP, I couldnt have kept it in but keeping your cool (on the surface at least) is probably better as it gives you a chance to think and work things out. Flowers

BettyBo33 · 03/08/2018 23:15

Sending hugs. You’ll run on pure adrenaline the next few weeks.I did. Other people are right- you really should get as much information as you can- if he is being unfaithful he will lie and try and make you believe all sorts. Stay strong x

HannahnotAgnes · 03/08/2018 23:17

All the best Op - deal with it when you're ready - no rush (but get your ducks in a row if you can). Thanks

BamBam39 · 03/08/2018 23:17

As someone who has been in this situation (although not with kids) I feel ur doing the right thing. Bode ur time and get all the evidence together. I knew my ex was cheating on me but stupidly I addressed it with him straight away, of course he managed to explain it all away as a misunderstanding and I didn't have my shit together so had to give him the benefit of the doubt. I wish I'd have waited and just watched....it's amazing what u see what you know what to watch out for!!!

MyOtherProfile · 03/08/2018 23:20

What a horrible situation. Hope you can soon talk to someone IRL. Thinking of you.

TokenGinger · 03/08/2018 23:21

esk1mo How delightfully unpleasant and negative you are. I didn’t for one minute suggest it was a TV show, nor that it wasn’t somebody’s real life. I’m saying my genuine thoughts that it doesn’t add up, especially if he was out with her tonight and that’s the phone they use. No need to be such a twat about it.

Scrolblewomp · 03/08/2018 23:24

Have you googled the address?

Justgettothepoint · 03/08/2018 23:28

Hi OP I too have just rtwt. Just wanted to say that althou you don't want to see a photo of ow it might actually tell you all you need to know. As you said it could be a number of things but the sooner you find out the sooner you can decide what plan of action you need to take. Will be following and hope you get the support you need to get through this and although yr in shock now sounds like yr are strong enough to cope. Flowers

TheLastNigel · 03/08/2018 23:29

Hope you are ok op.
Usual advice from me whatever you decide to do-just make sure Over the next few days that you eat (little and often if necessary but keep your strength up-you need to deal with the physical effects of a shock like this or else you will become ill) and drink lots of water and try and rest.
And yes to at least confiding in a friend or a relative you trust. You need at least one person to talk this through with in RL-it's too big to go it alone.

Tuttytoffee · 03/08/2018 23:34

OP could it not be his friends phone at all? Maybe he was about to be found out or something and asked your DP to take it for him in case his partner found it? Could explain why he never went searching for it too. Just a thought.

Ihatemycar · 03/08/2018 23:34

@FuckyDuzz I'm so sorry. The only thing I can suggest is to take a photo of the the phone and say You owe me an explanation.
Also keep the underwear he is wearing tonight you may need some proof.
Dirty 🐀.

bobstersmum · 03/08/2018 23:36

I think it's not his phone. Either he's keeping it for someone, or he found it somewhere and forgot about it, or someone put it in his jacket by mistake? I am not naive and will happily be proved wrong, but just seems odd, for one that he left it somewhere it could be found, and two, that he didn't even try to look at it tonight or take it with him!

Alittleshaderequired · 03/08/2018 23:39

Sorry you’re going through this.

I doubt it’s an affair as the messages are too short and too the point. It does sound like either a sex worker or drugs. Also, that would explain why he didn’t look at or for the phone tonight. If it was an affair he’d be checking it constantly and he’d also want it with him in case she messaged him. If she’s a sex worker or a dealer then a) he’s not emotionally invested so doesn’t have the urge to keep regular contact and b) he doesn’t have to ever worry about her contacting him and you hearing the phone beep. He knows all contact will be initiated by him.
I’d def be adding her number to my contacts to see if there’s a WhatsApp picture or a FB Page. I’d also drive to her house to see if I got a feel for it. Good luck.

skunkatanka · 03/08/2018 23:46

I don't get those saying the messages are short. He's clearly deleted the majority of them hasn't he? I'm guessing he probably wrote short messages because he sent them in quick, grabbed moments when his wife wasn't around.

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 23:52

Using an old nokia backfired on him. New smartphones don't make beeping noises when their batteries are low.

Fabadabadoo · 03/08/2018 23:54

When googling the number, try in these formats (including the "s)

"07777 777777"
"07777777777"
"+447777777777"

Try putting escort after each as well. Many/most escort numbers will come up in one of these ways (not all though!).

You really should do it just to check. No result doesn't guarantee it isn't escorts, but if it comes up 'positive' that's pretty important information to know.

Fabadabadoo · 03/08/2018 23:54

('escort' should not be in the quotation marks, outside them)

CantankerousCamel · 03/08/2018 23:55

Maybe he found the phone drunk and forgot?

MadMum101 · 04/08/2018 00:01

Alittleshade the OP has already said that she found a message dated from a few days ago which tied in with him saying he had to go out.

I think the Occam's razor principle probably applies in this case, the simplest answer is the right one.

He has a phone that the OP has not been aware of, he has a woman's number in it only, he sent a message to meet up tying in with him going out with a different explanation given to the OP.

She could tie herself in knots thinking of all the possibilities but she'll only know if she faces it and checks into who the woman is.

Lillygolightly · 04/08/2018 00:12

Since he didn’t look for the phone and has gone out without it there is another option to consider. I wonder if he does contact this OW with his usual phone/or has daily contact with her at work so no need for phone contact, so the Nokia phone is for emergency contact/back up form of contact.

Hope your ok OP Flowers