Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

999 replies

FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 15:57

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 03/08/2018 21:47

It's called arrogance, Tokenginger.
The men who do this somehow convince themselves that they will get away with it.
They are supremely arrogant and stupid - in equal parts.

Newerversion · 03/08/2018 21:52

Arrogant, stupid and not forgetting selfish!

Wallywobbles · 03/08/2018 21:53

@twilightsaga because the most likely affairs partners are either in your friend group or from work. Work affair partner no real need for a second phone. Friendship group however not the same set of rules. Just my take on it.

jaffacakeany1 · 03/08/2018 21:57

Really hope there is a perfectly innocent explanation for this...
There's a possibility he just found it and stuck it in his pocket?? Otherwise surely he'd have been a lot more careful... this is my hope for you anyway.. Try to keep calm and look after yourself 🌷

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/08/2018 22:00

@FuckyDuzz, just take things at your own pace but do not minimise, let him get away with it or sweep it under the carpet.

You have to do what is best for you and DC (short-term) and what is best for you and DC (long-term).

He is an absolute shit. Get a solicitor's appointment ASAP and divorce that fucker. Also hope you can confide in someone in real life. Yes, it will make it 'real' but you need to do this and will also give you valuable support.

Wishing you all the best. Flowers

looondonn · 03/08/2018 22:02

Keep posting here
Fab advice on here as always

Stupid idiot
His loss
Do not forgive a slime ball who would do this to a young family

Original poster
FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 22:05

It’s definitely not an old phone, there are texts and calls from Wednesday, and he ‘nipped’ out on Wednesday night
I don’t understand the phone myself though tbh, his normal phone has a passcode that I don’t know, I’ve never looked in his phone unless he’s showing me something, I couldn’t get in it if I tried - so why have a separate one?! Confused

shockers hes 32, I suppose old enough to have a 15/16 year old, but honestly I think he’d just tell me that, there’s no reason not to, if he’d had a baby he didn’t know about before he even met me I wouldn’t/couldn’t be mad could I, and I’m fairly certain he would know that would be my reaction

I absolutely love the ‘Mumsnet Massive’ btw Maggie Grin

OP posts:
Newerversion · 03/08/2018 22:08

Hi Fuckyduzz, do you still have the phone with you? Have you noted the number?

Gojira · 03/08/2018 22:11

Definitely make a note of the number.

Can you phone the number (from the secret phone) and then hang up when they answer? It may prompt whoever it is to send a text.

There is no way I could sit back and do nothing because he's gone out and chances are he will get rid of the phone tomorrow when he realises he's been careless

NewUserNameTime · 03/08/2018 22:11

Glad you have ducks in a row ThanksGinWine

Are you confronting him tonight?

Newerversion · 03/08/2018 22:13

You could also google the number whilst he is out, I know that is a tough thing to do but it could get you answers!

JustDoOne · 03/08/2018 22:14

Could he possibly be dealing drugs?

Duckherding · 03/08/2018 22:14

It does seem stupid when things can be hidden in smart phones Flowers sorry your going through this

MadMum101 · 03/08/2018 22:17

Most likely he hasn't realised he left it in his coat pocket yet. Probably normally leaves it in his car and had a brain fart.

When did he last wear the coat OP?

Anonnymouse54321 · 03/08/2018 22:17

I'd keep hold of the phone and swait until he looks for it...

Original poster
FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 22:21

Yes I have the phone, I haven’t looked at it again though, it’s a bit like a hot potato to me, I needed to get it out of my hands as quickly as possible 🤷🏻‍♀️

I won’t confront him tonight I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine now and I’ll need a clear head

I just don’t understand at all
Our youngest baby is only 6 months old and it looks like whatever has been going on has been going on for at least 3 months - who the hell goes out and starts an affair with a three month old baby at home?! 3 months!
Just why?!

OP posts:
practicallyperfectinmyway · 03/08/2018 22:24

Are you able to see his normal phone bills to see if this number crops up anywhere?

2ManySweets · 03/08/2018 22:24

who the hell goes out and starts an affair with a three month old baby at home

cunts, that’s who

MadMum101 · 03/08/2018 22:26

I would suggest the OP only keep the phone if she is going to confront him, or be confronted by him, in the immediate future.

I would put it back OP (after taking pics) until you've processed it and have a plan. Well I myself wouldn't, I'd have texted it straight away before he got home with a message like 'can't wait to see you', etc. Then rang it to get further info depending on the response before raining the fires of hell down on his head, but that's me not the OP.

OrchidsAreSlags · 03/08/2018 22:29

How was it when he got home? Before he went back out?

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2018 22:31

Op, are you considering saying nothing? Pretending you don't know and letting him do what ever he is doing?

Can you handle that emotionally?

As for the thing about the three month old, the answer is plenty of men, not good men, but yes, plenty of men. It's different here for the genders.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/08/2018 22:33

Something just doesn't add up here. Why on earth would he leave something so incriminating where it could be found with the sound on? And why go out without it tonight? Why was there only one message in the inbox but loads in sent items? There is either something strange going on or he is incredibly stupid!

Mine did. I asked if there was anything he needed washing as I only had a half load, he normally did his own. He said his spare work trousers needed going in and went to work, leaving me with said trousers and the affair phone that he had left in the pocket. He must have realised what he had done because half an hour later, when he would have been on public transport and no way of getting back within an hour, he texted me saying not to bother with his trousers. I simply sent back "TOO LATE YOU CHEATING CUNT"

Mummymummums · 03/08/2018 22:35

Are you certain it's his? Not something he found or is 'looking after' for someone? Clutching at straws I know.
So sorry for what you're going through OP Thanks

Caaarrrl · 03/08/2018 22:35

I don't know how you kept all this inside when he came home OP. There's no way that I would have been able to face him without losing my shit.

Good luck love with however you decide to deal with it.

Frazzled2207 · 03/08/2018 22:37

Is there chance it could be drugs related? Or something else dodgy but not necessarily unfaithful?
I don't think you have any choice other than to confront him but understand that you may not want to do that straight away.

Swipe left for the next trending thread