Well, the chat was longer than I expected.
It started well, he was early and apologised straight away but without saying what he was saying sorry for...followed by telling me to say sorry. This happened once before and I refused as...I was not sorry but this time I said sorry as I don't want it to become an issue.
He had his say....I criticise too much, he can't handle and that is why he went.
So I had my say - complaining is important to inform ones significant other when needs are not being met. If changes are made repetition isn't required. Criticism is when we say you shouldn't, you always or you never. Complaining is just saying this is not the way I need things to be. Or I am feel undervalued because of things in the past which haven't been addressed, which probably makes me more tetchy.
His expectation was to follow me home!
(I should point out that although he spends every night and weekend here, he goes from his business to his parents for tea and then to me late in the evening, and is here weekends.)
Eventually the reason for his recent behaviour came to light. The lock was changed as it jammed. I did not give him another key. He has needed to be let in. I only gave him a key before to get in and feed my dog one evening when I was late back, expecting it to be returned to me.....
So I explained that in my opinion a relationship is like a scales. If something goes on the one end. Something of equal value needs to be put on the other. (I have mentioned this before but not as forcibly.)
And then asked if he was hoping we would live together one day, which he is. So I said well then how do you feel about shared costs. He said fine but I would say he probably needs to think on that!
So he still wanted to come back with me.
I STRESSED that for there to be ANY chance we need to make changes. If you put the same thing in - you will get the same thing back out. So we need to find a way to resolve it.
To do this we both need to think about how this can be achieved and be willing to make the changes. So I have told him very FIRMLY to think about it.
Each time he butted in, talked over me, nearly walked away...silly man or his eyes looked away from my face whilst I was talking I called him on it.
No he will not just walk back in. I expect I will give it another go BUT if he does it again then there is no point.
We will meet up again in a day or so and see if we can reach an agreement.
Thanks for the extra strength and vigour girls... xxx