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Original poster

Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

999 replies

CatLadyToddlerMother · 27/07/2018 17:47

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

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Thread gallery
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Zofloramummy · 19/12/2018 21:47

Dd is the same she’s know she has activity’s on certain days but no real concept of the week

Jux · 20/12/2018 00:32

Most contact is for one evening during the week and every other weekend. Both parents should have a weekend as that is usually family time, and the child is entitled toxperience that with each oarent. The's the time when you do fun things because there's not work/school and no nagging over homework/spellings etc. She's needs to have weekends with you too.

Try to establish something like that pattern as the Court is most likely to approve the 'status quo', so you need the status quo to include a weekend where you have Mini.

TheMShip · 20/12/2018 09:15

Hadn't realized Mini was so wedded to her schedule. Scrap my suggestion then, you absolutely know her best!

I suspect if you proposed your (every Thursday + alt Friday/Sat nights = 4/14) schedule as a first offer and were willing to add Monday nights to the alternate weekend (5/14) as a compromise, you'd be looking very reasonable to the SW.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/12/2018 15:38

If 50/50 becomes inevitable (and I don't think it will be) what about you having Saturday evening or Sunday morning until after school or appts Wednesday evening? He has her Wednesday afternoon/evening through Saturday evening or Sunday morning? The Saturday evening vs Sunday morning could be a bit flexible depending on what's going on.

The fine details can be 'tweaked' a bit but at least each of you get one weekend day.

Jux · 21/12/2018 13:04

I'm really sorry, CatLady, but you NEED weekend time with her just as much as ex does. DO NOT allow them to take that away from you, fight please!

Ask you solicitor. I think they'll tell you that 50/50 would not be in Mini's best interests and they will fight against it for you, unless you actually want him to have it (which you don't).

Don't forget that Mini is getting older and she will understand more and better as time goes on. At the moment, Thursday is 'Daddy Day' but that doesn't mean that in a few months' she won't understand that this week it's Daddy Weekend and next week it's Mummy Weekend.

Please don't give up on it yet. Weekend time with your child is sooooo important.

RandomMess · 21/12/2018 13:06

Her routine can be over 14 days

You can even call them a Mummy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday and so on and a Daddy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.

She will get it over time. You need to fight for equal weekend time for her sake because school is not far off.

RandomMess · 21/12/2018 13:07

Don't be fobbed off that contact can be changed once she is at school either because by then there would be an established contact pattern...

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 21/12/2018 17:36

Just let Mini finish one of her two advent calender's off,

We're both full of cold, Mini's still suffering with this tonsillitis and ear infection thing, and it's only 4 sleeps to Christmas Day anyway...

5 packs of haribo is a healthy snack isn't it? HmmGrin

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Zofloramummy · 21/12/2018 17:39

When sick anything she’ll eat us a healthy snack in this house! Although mine normally wants chicken noodle soup with a cold and as long as ignore the salt content I’m happy she’s having fluids!

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 21/12/2018 17:59

You can even call them a Mummy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday and so on and a Daddy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.

I honestly don't think she would, maybe in a few years but at the moment she can't even cope if Cbeebies change what programs are on when she's expecting something she wants to watch.

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Zofloramummy · 21/12/2018 18:39

Well given her rigidity to routine you have think about her development. She will get more stimulation, consistency and socialisation with you. So therefore it is absolutely imperative that you have week d time with her. Those 8/9 months to school will fly by and you need a contact order that works for years not the next few months

Mxyzptlk · 21/12/2018 23:01

he only knows his Christmas rota as it was done by the manager on leave before she left.

Except he didn't because he's changed his contact twice and now isn't seeing Mini at all over Xmas & New Year. (Or he did and he's messing you around.)

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 22/12/2018 15:48

Thought you'd all like to hear the new tradition Mini is insisting on.

Hot Chocolate on Christmas Eve with squirty cream.

Was in Whitards earlier and she insisted she needed one of their hot chocolate baubles, so it's on the tree and next year I'll add more sachets to it for our new tradition.

And if I don't have her Christmas Eve we can do it on whatever will be my Christmas Eve with her Grin

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notsodimwit · 22/12/2018 16:36

Aww bless her Smile I loooovvve hot chocolate with squirty cream Smile you and mini is going to have a lovely christmas xxxxxxxxxxxx

Motoko · 22/12/2018 16:52

She's got good taste! I asked DH to pick up some squirty cream when he went shopping the other day, to have with my hot chocolate. (I also have a large jar filled with mini marshmallows to top it all off!)

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 22/12/2018 16:59

I don't like marshmallows but might get some for Mini!

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Motoko · 22/12/2018 19:40

I bet she'd love them. They look very pretty on the top, and they melt and become all creamy. Yum!

Clutterbugsmum · 22/12/2018 20:30

Here on top of the squirty cream and mini marshmallows we add chocolate cake sprinkles.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 22/12/2018 20:50

My Christmas shop has just arrived. Ordered it on my granddads account, he pays on his card and it gets delivered here. I’d ordered enough food and drink for a week.

He’s gone and added treats in, my favourite crisps, DDs favourite squash, even turkey flavoured cat food!

I love my granddad!

Cooking for him Boxing Day, glad I’m doing his favourite lamb shanks

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Jux · 22/12/2018 23:46

Mmmmm lamb shank yum yum .......Grin

I've just bought mini marshmallow and cream so dd can have hot chocolate.

What a truly lovely grandad you have.

Queenofthestress · 23/12/2018 13:44

Can you do me some lamb shanks?!!

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 23/12/2018 13:47

Queenofthestress One day we will meet up and I will cook lamb shanks for you and your DC Smile

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 23/12/2018 15:55

We should do a GDD meet-up ;)

RandomMess · 23/12/2018 16:00

I love lamb shanks too, was so happy when they were on the Ikea restaurant menu!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/12/2018 16:03

What a lovely old gent Grandad is! By any chance does he have a white beard and wear a red suit? If he doesn't, he should! 🎅🏼

Now I want hot cocoa. But with a smidge of Amaretto in it. Yum