Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

Just checked Mini's Tapestry online.

She stood up in circle time on Friday and offered to sing.

Staff got it on video as it's the first time she's contributed to circle time. She's been at Preschool Nursery since August.

I am sat here watching the video crying. I am in absolute awe of these ladies who've given her so much confidence.

That is lovely. I am so pleased for you.

The panicking is not that he wanted to be there - it's because he's realised how not being there looks. He is solely concerned about how he is perceived to enable maximum manipulation.

What a night...

A+E with Mini, tonsillitis and ear infection again...

Worry now is, she was in her pyjamas, will they think badly of me? They had a Christmas pudding on and were long sleeved and fur lined so perfectly warm.

Text ExH and he's now offering to help me if I need anything, what's he playing at?

No one will think badly of you for the pyjamas, trust me I’ve seen many a child in A&E dressed for bed, if anything it shows you prioritised getting her help over all else rather than messing around changing her. I’ve also been to A&E in my own pyjamas during an emergency and I’m a grown (supposed to be) adult.

My dd has been to hospital with me in pyjamas. So have many many other children. Your ex knows it isn’t long until the court hearing and is playing nice. Thank him for his offer and tell him you’ll let him know if you need his help when hell freezes over

Poor Mini (and poor you to) - her pyjamas sound lovely and quite OK, I don't think anyone will find them inappropriate.

As for exh, well he has realised howbad his absence from her play looks, so he's making up for it bycreating a papertrail showinghow deeply he does care, "honest guv, i really do, look how I offered to help". Do you need help?

I wouldn’t take his help even if I needed it as I’m sure he’d use it to show I can’t cope!

Granddads kitted out Mini's new dolls house with new furniture including a mini 3 piece suite which has real suede on it in Mini's favourite red colour. She loves it all

Op you are the bestest mam in the world x everything you do is for minis benefit xx I love all your updates x

Omg how are you going to top the dolls house at Xmas now!!

Sounds fab

Zofloramummy Santa has bought her a much longed for Dolls Bed with nightlight and canopy, as well as clothes for dolly, a carmat with Marshall (Paw Patrol) and then a stocking which is full of sweets.

Then my granddad has bought her a tablet which I can say is from me (he’s got her another smaller gift which I spent the money he gave me on), plus a dress with elephants on, new wellies which light up (her friend at nursery has a pair and she keeps talking about them!), and a few other bits so I think the tablet and/or the dolls bed might just clinch it but I’m not sure, it’s going to be hard to top a 1m tall dolls house with a lift!

I’m sure she will love it. I’ve bought my dd a ukulele (I may regret this!)

My brother has a ukulele he bought while at University, his flatmates from there never forgave him

My neighbours may never forgive me! And I’ve bought an electronic keyboard for her birthday

Why don't you buy her a drumkit to keep at her Dad's house? (innocent face)

kaitlinktm As much as i'd love to I can't. Solicitor says to be mature and adult about things

Am I bad mother for eating ice cream straight from the tub with Mini's spoon (it literally has her name on)?

If it's any consolation it's Carte Dor Salted Caramel

I wasn't serious CatLady - but it's an amusing thought.

I wasn't serious CatLady

I know, I liked the thought too

My MH has been bad over the weekend as I got a card from Royal Mail on Friday saying there was something I needed to sign for, I'd convinced myself it was from his solicitor (despite the fact everything she's sent has been through normal mail) so been panicking.

Thankfully it was good. It was Mini's new stocking and some personalised face cloths I'd ordered. The cloths had sweets in the middle and look like a cracker, they're amazing

Feel a bit of a fool though for thinking the worst.

When you're feeling down, it's quite normal to think of everything negatively. Instead of calling yourself a fool, just say you had a daft moment. I always think the word "daft" is quite loving, you use it when someone you love has done something a bit silly "You daft thing!", whereas "fool" is harsher, usually said disparagingly.

So, you're not a fool, but because you were in a dark place, you were a bit daft, but you realised that and went and picked the post up, so no harm done! I had a stocking with my name on when I was a child, and still used it when I was an adult (we like having stockings!). I lost it somehow, although I'm sure it's in the house somewhere, so now I use another one. I bet Mini loves her stocking, and will always cherish it.

Just had an email forwarded to me from my solicitor which is an email discussion between her and the Social Worker.

The SW keeps making reference to the fact that I am offering more contact than the interim order says (order states 3 hours a week, and I'm offering 3 hours on week 6 hours the next) but then she says I need to decide what I want, and what's best for Mini. Solicitor asked her to clarify what she means and she comes back with "She needs to have a really long think about whether her being the resident parent is best for Mini". What does she mean? Solicitor thinks she's trying to provoke a reaction to get me to agree to 50/50 as that will look better for her in terms of result, but I don't think so as surely she'd have pushed for further contact with ExH and not be telling me I'm offering more contact than the order states.

Anyone else confused?

I would ask your solicitor to request clarification from the social worker specifically in regards to that comment. And then I would also ask her to put the question to the SW what she thinks is in mini’s best interest? And what evidence she has to indicate that you not being the resident parent is a preferred scenario.

Honestly I think your SW is weird. There are children in abusive homes that would benefit from their involvement more than your case. Mini is safe, secure and has a wonderful mum with a great support network. I don’t understand what her agenda is.