Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I am also tired and grumpy. Slept terribly which is unlike me and have a busy day and v typically for me, am getting totally disillusioned with the whole dating thing.

Seeing Mr Far away tonight but I have to say I am not feeling great physically but don't want to cancel as am really busy the next week or so.

Daffo tiredness is horrible when you have lots to do, today is my busy day too, I don’t think there will be time for a quick nap. I’m too scared to look in the mirror as I know I look awful.

I had a phone date last night. He is a bit full on. I wouldn't have known the concept of love bombing without this thread. I'll monitor the situation for now but my radar is pinging.

Anyone have an idea how to handle it?

Also tired here. Although nobody has made me grumpy.... yet!
Meant to be on my first date with Mr Nextdoor tonight but his radio silence for the last 3 days makes me think he's possibly not going to show. I'll message him in a bit

Bendy my 5 year old calls me Hagrid but I have dates lined up so it's working ok for me so far!!

love unexpected messages are the nicest suprise. Being tried grumpy is the worst but hopefully you'll find some energy from somewhere.

The guy I am currently dating is away now for 4 days so trying to keep busy, he went away before for three weeks but we had only just started dating then so less expectation. Luckily he is away during the working week so that should take up most of my time.

Lol wishy Hagrid! Are you very tall or very hairy or both? lol

Bendy only speaking from experience here so others may have a completely different opinion, but love bombing is usually a massive red flag for me. I avoid like the plague.
Usually some toxic, narcissistic controlling side to his personality trying to get you hooked so that he can use it against you and/ or get what he wants from you.

On the other hand he may just be totally smitten and have fallen in love with you

Either way I'd avoid!

Ha love I was just thinking I hope I don't see a mirror on the way to my first meeting. I'd rather not know how awful I look!

Bendy I'm not tall at all, but I do have a lot of (blonde) hair ...... I'm working on the beard!

bendy you can slow them down and see how they react. If it speeds them up then huge red flag! I tend to say something along the lines of that's lovely but I'm a slow burner type so I prefer to take things a bit slower and see what happens!

Anyone around to pick me up a bit? Feeling a bit down. Feeling like I'm not going to be good enough for anyone to love me. I've tried not caring but a good solid relationship is incredibly important to me as a person

Morning

Another one who has been posting a while and avoided the thread because of how it was going. I love a bit of banter, I am also in no way a prude. But I come on here for advice, to chat to others about their dating experiences. It started to feel very cliquey etc. and IMO most of what was happening should have stayed on private messge in my opinion, otherwise it puts new posters off as it seems like a thread you can only join if you are participating in the smut fest.

Was supposed to meet with someone last night and he cancelled because of family stuff. I expect it was a bit of an excuse so I won't be initiating anymore chat for now. FWB is gagging for it all the time, but I have been quite busy. Hopefully got a date tonight with Mr Suprise (the surf/ski instructor tonight). i don't really fancy him that much, but I like him he seems like a stand up guy and not a player. All plus points for me.

Mr French is still around in the background with the odd messgae, still can't work him out but am not that interested anymore in wanting too.

Still would jump on Mr Architect if I ever got the chance.

cake have a look at self love, you are the prize. I always think for thw wrong person you'll never be good enough, for the right one even at your worse you will be more than enough. Chin unp sister or the crown slips ;)

@cakecrumbs - big hug. Know exactly how you feel. My life is great now, calm, happy, relaxed so I know I should be thankful for that, but at the same time there is definitely a space for someone and I do feel lonely.

Have you had much luck OLD?

@pudding I love that 😊

Cake I've been there
It's an awful feeling and to be honest I just think you've got to let it run its course.

I'm going to throw a cliche at you and say that you've really got to focus on loving yourself, being kind to yourself and not pinning your happiness on another person or being in a relationship. I wallowed for a while feeling unlovable after my last relationship ended, cried at the idea of being alone while watching everyone around me in relationships but as time has gone on that has passed and I've realised I don't need anyone else to make me happy, I can do it myself. I'm open to meeting someone to share it with, but not provide it for me.

If OLD is making you feel like that maybe it's time for a break, do some things that make you happy and forget everyone else. Be selfish for a little while.

It's so easy to become consumed with the feelings you're going through at the moment, but the truth is we're all alone out here, we're all responsible for our own happiness and well being whether we're in a relationship or not so do something every day that makes you smile, you never know what's around the corner.

In the meantime I'm sending hugs 🤗

cake have you thought about doing something to boost your self esteem, quite independent of dating? Hanging your sense of worth on someone else's opinion is a road to ruin. You need to love and feel good about yourself before you even attempt a relationship.

Otherwise you'll end up with someone who doesn't value you either, you will accept poor treatment and you will get hurt. Seriously, find a way to build yourself up first.

and what wishy said too

I've not been on since yesterday afternoon, due to circumstances beyond my control, but it is quite obvious I have a few things to say, so here goes.

Firstly, and most importantly, it has never, ever been my intention to upset anyone and, until yesterday, no-one had said anything on the thread or via PM to suggest that I had. If it had been raised previously, I would have stopped.

I'm not going to say that anyone encouraged me to continue or cross further and further over the line over time as that simply would not be true - I take full responsibility for turning what started off as lighthearted banter, designed to inject some positivity into a thread that can sometimes be a bit morbid (because of all the negative dating stories we share), into a place where there was some fun and smiles. That I took it too far, especially yesterday, is a fact and one I am not overly proud of.

In my defence - because words like predator and grooming are quite offensive to me - I would say that I have indeed PMed quite a few people on the thread, but not for the reasons some seem to think. I've also implied private conversations with people that have not actually taken place - poor humour perhaps, but not as seedy as some of you may have previously thought, given those conversations never actually happened.

I will not name names but at least some of the women I did chat to know that away from the on-thread fooling around, I am actually a decent chap, and one who I hope has been able to offer some needed support and advice to select individuals.

As for the removal of rule 10, yes, I get it - dumb move. I didn't do that because I want to date anyone here - I've met Val, we openly posted about it on the thread, no secrets here - but because it was continuing on from something that came up in the previous thread and was amusing to me. It is now obvious it was not amusing to many other people so hands up, I made a mistake there.

So, in conclusion, I got far too carried away with banter that crossed a line for many of you. That was wrong of me. And 'me' is the operative word - it was all my doing, no-one else's. I may have pulled a few people along for the ride but it was my lead, not theirs.

I started it, I will stop it here.

Sorry for any offence caused.

Welcome back @Kinunir

Let's move forward now, in between the laughs, I've found your advice very helpful and that's what we're all really here for

pudding I love that, I'm going to keep repeating that to myself, it seems so obvious when you say it that of course for the wrong person I'll never be good enough!
hatty thanks. I met someone that I had a 9 month relationship with, I actually thought we were going to last but we did have problems with communication and expectations of how much to see each other. I was just reading another thread where a poster was being told she had been putting too much effort into being the perfect girlfriend and coming across as needy instead and I recognise I was doing that and wasn't getting any support back in return, he really only wanted me for when I was on top form and nobody can be like that all the time.
I just crave that settled family unit and want that quite quickly but no men seem to want that.
wishy and bendy I have very low self esteem and I think it will be a long road to recovering that as there is background Asd which complicates it all. I'm very much all or nothing, I don't understand taking relationships slowly, my head works in black and white so I'm either in a relationship or not in a relationship and I have trouble understanding that someone might not want to treat me the same at 6 months as they would a wife
I am so grateful for all the replies

cake might be a good idea to find a good therapist in your area and work through some of these issues. I say this with kindness. You really shouldn't jump into another relationship until your self esteem is much higher. You are too vulnerable to being treated like shit. And you are definitely worth being valued and cared for. Do it for yourself first.

Ok I need a pep talk!

Mr Nextdoor has just confirmed the date is still on tonight. My usually cool calm exterior is faltering slightly! I haven't been on a first date with a stranger in about 16 years - any advice appreciated!

He's a man of few words so I know the basics about him in that I know what he does for a job and that he likes love island but that's about it

bit of Dutch courage wishy but not too much

and relax. it will all be fine. just enjoy it and don't expect anything.

@wishywashy6 That's great news!! You'll be fine, just be yourself that's the best advice I can give, you can chat Love Island and his job to start with and they just see how the date continues. Have faith in yourself, you are the prize, he has to be worthy of you!

Bendy Completely and utterly ghosted by Mr Perv - like you said, shame about the bus! Other one I'm still in contact with and will give him one more chance, we'll see.

Cake A life coach may be a good idea? I think you may well find a lot of us on here have pretty low self esteems because of the shit that has been thrown at us over the years and bad relationships that we may have struggled through. It really does, as others have already said, start within yourself. Until you really truly love yourself and realise that you don't need someone else to share your life you may be hanging too much hope and desire and that sometimes makes us come over as 'needy' (I am speaking from personal experience here!!).

Have you looked at Amy Young on YouTube, she has some brilliant bits on there and next week she's starting a 5 day 'love yourself' series, may be worth looking up. Never forget, you are a Goddess.

Mr Disappear has reappeared again, I'm quite taken with him even though he is a little odd in some respects

Onwards and upwards!

HalfDutch thank you! Can I also just say that the names of all your Mr's make me chuckle!!
Bendy I've already got the gin on standby