Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Found it... if anyone interested. I enjoyed it.

Well I've tried to inject a bit of humour and sent a few more messages out tonight in the hope that something sticks. I've realised I must not have the looks to make a success of the swipe apps, so I've deleted all but POF, which was the only one I was getting any responses on.
*
Dan* don't get too hung up on looks. From a female perspective, looks fade very very quickly if the personality doesn't live up to them and that comes across even over messaging. The guy I'm seeing tonight is from one of the swipe apps and probably someone I'd have swiped no on for looks alone (not ugly by any means just not my usual type) but his initial messages were engaging and funny and as time went on I found myself more attracted to him.
Met him last week and that attraction only grew stronger plus he's actually much better looking in real life than in his pictures!
Don't put yourself down as that attitude in itself comes across negatively to a woman

Dan I totally agree with Wishy above, a funny, interesting message works for me everytime over looks.

The two people I've met on OLD who meant the most to me captured me with their banter rather than their profile pictures.

Dan, totally agree - I love a good conversation and banter/humour over good looks any day of the week! I also like to feel like they are not talking to anyone else (even though I know they will be).

I was chatting to someone the other day who kept referring to his chats with other women for no real reason! I couldn't work out why he would think I would want to know about his other chats?

I'm chatting to a new iron now who is not my type on paper looks wise but has a really interesting job, loads to say for himself and is really interested in me. Hoping to meet him soon :-)

I couldn't work out why he would think I would want to know about his other chats?

Google 'social proof'. (my friend told me about it)

@kin, this makes sense. He was relatively new to the dating scene. Just googled this and it seems tor relate to an uncertainty of how to behave?

Online dating is no different from any other dating, we know there are lots of fish in the sea but don't reference the other fish!

I think bumble can be quite demoralizing in the same way tinder can because it is all about looks.

I am back to square 1. Seeing man who isn't going to date tomorrow, Mr Sex on the 17th when he's back but I can't help but think he isn't relationship material.

Made an effort on POF last night and only got one reply, from a really nice guy and we had a good chat then decided we were too far away from each other!

As my kids would say, FML lol!

@daffo, the struggle is real! I'm bored of the constant chats that start and seem promising and then die off the next day. Or people who are full on and then go.
I binned off Mr Flakey with his midnight walk.
Which leaves me with FWB who has just cancelled our meet this week and Mr Glasses who is now away on hols.
I have however ressurrected my dating phone so I can leave it at home and forget all about it :-)

Also there is such a huge difference between men in their 40s and men in their 50s. It appears so many men let themselves go when they get to 50+. I wouldn't say I am thin but I do try and make an effort to stay in shape and it's an astounding difference that is very noticeable online!

I quite like bigger men but there is bigger and then there's really drinking way too much and heart attack central!

Excellent idea cool! I might do the same as ds dropped my phone while we were away and it's hard to see the screen. Will start a new job in Sept hopefully and get a work phone so might keep smashed one for dating. The parallels between my smashed phone and my dating 'success' are very real !

it is all about looks

Seriously folks, no, it isn't.

Well, ok, maybe it is if you just want a night of fun but, beyond that, who the hell would want to spend time in the company of someone who is easy on the eye but hard on the brain cells and devoid of humour?

Be interesting, be risky, be fun, be edgy, be deep, take chances, stand out from the crowd, be yourself - these are all compelling things of extreme value and there are many people out there who crave someone who is good to be around and comfortable in their own skin.

@kin, I totally agree! Mr Glasses who I am chatting to said we lived too far away - fine. Continued the chat and he came back and said he loved chatting to me so much and found me really funny and would love to meet.

I think I just don't care that much anymore and am being totally myself in messages!

Give me a guy who's funny honest and loyal any day over looks. Ok you have be attracted in some sense but that comes in many forms not just the looks. It can be the way they smile or laugh. That's why it's important to meet sooner rather than later I think

While I agree that looks aren't everything, the very nature of OLD especially Tinder etc, means that you are judged first of all on how you look.
I don't think I have the 'right' face for online dating because no matter how good my photos are, how witty or interesting my messages might be, I struggle to get anyone to chat to me. If things don't work out with Mr Ex, then I won't go back online. It's soul destroying sometimes to send message after message and get completely ignored.

Dan I understand why you think some apps are not for you.
And Daffo your comment about men over 50 letting themselves go is spot on. A big beer gut tells me immediately that we won't get on.

I'm nothing special to look at (that may even be an understatement) but I can write a good message and I'm not like most other men on dating sites - with all the time I have on my hands right now, I could go on multiple dates every day if I wanted to - so, no, my appearance is not important. In fact, it is a complete non-issue to me.

I guess it may be more pertinent to women as men are more visual (generally speaking) but I tell you, a good personality trumps everything.

Be yourselves out there, drop the masks you wear on OLD sites, be yourself - everyone has something unique to offer.

Kin, bumble and tinder are all about looks. There is no disputing that! Other sites aren't but those are purely done on looks.

I disagree completely Daffo - I could show you a photo of an absolutely stunning woman I once met on Tinder who I only had one date with because she was boring, or a very 'plain jane' I met on POF and spent the best part of a year with (would have been longer if she hadn't of moved away) because she was funny as hell.

The effect of good looks lasts 3 seconds tops, then it's all about personality.

Kin do you read all of the bios that you see on tinder? I will only read if I am initially attracted to the photo otherwise it is a simple swipe no. I think initially it is very much about looks. I wouldn't have the time or the energy to read every bio that comes up!

The bio is absolutely the most important thing to me on any dating site Minnie.

If it tells an interesting story, gives an insight into a woman's personality, shows a fun side then I'll be interested. Obviously there needs to be a minimum level of physical attraction because... you know... but it's not the most important thing at all.

On the flip side, a model with a bio that says "ask me" will be a left swipe every time.

Oh I'm weary of it all. I was talking to someone who seemed so nice and mature, though younger than me. We we're going to meet up. I enjoy a bit of cheeky sexy banter but suddenly I was getting details of previous girlfriends and what they did (crude).

I ended up switching off my phone I was so shocked/stumped/disappointed. Later I went in to block. There were a few messages about wondering if I'd gone to bed? Apparently no clue how inappropriate these comments were. And he'd tried to phone.

I feel tearful about it all. Need to step back and reassess I think.

Azz I’m not sure why people do this (talk about sex with ex’s), it’s a total turn off for me although my ex husband thought me talking about things I had done with other people was a real turn on

As for looks being important or not important, for me I need to find someone atractive, I’m not fussy but prefer slimmer men, they have to have a friendly face and not be too ugly , I have tried dating people who match my personality but are not as pleasing to the eye and it hadn’t worked out. They need to be tidy, slimish, a beard is a bonus and not too short.

Interesting debate here and some good points on looks v personality. For my part, I had been on Bumble over 3 weeks. Matched about 4-5 times, but only started one conversation that dried up. I was still swiping away to the point you get the dreaded "out of matches" message. It doesn't really matter how good my personality or messages are on an app like that if I'm not getting matches to get to the messaging stage. From feedback of those who have reviewed my profile, my pics were decent (not a single bathroom or gym selfie and smiling in most), so to get one actual conversation in 3 weeks despite daily use of the app represents a waste of time to me. All I can assume is it was the person in the pictures (me) who didn't appeal.

I have not perused male profiles on Bumble or Tinder to get a feel for the competition, but I have done so on POF. 9/10 male profiles seem to be constructed thus: selfie, selfie, gym selfie, picture with mates drinking, bed selfie, picture with dog/cat/baby, then a dull blurb on how they are a normal guy who likes the usual things and "if you wanna no (sic) more, send a msge". It's a wonder any guy gets a date on these sites. My conversations have all dried up for now or I'm not getting any responses, so I'm back to square one

There needs to be a physical attraction. No matter how quirky.

Love, would you be free for a drink?

Dan your experience is the same as mine. Very few matches and no responses to messages.
I've looked at my competition, I've had lots of feedback on the profile but it remains a mystery why I seem almost invisible.

I've had dates over the last 2 years but with the exception of Mr Ex, they have all been a compromise. I've gone along in the hope that they looked better or had more about them than their profile suggested.

I know I'm not the only one to have this experience of OLD