Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I would do thanks but no thanks

I think MrSuit may have spoilt me. I have other chats going on but none as engaging or interesting really. Am desperately trying not to over invest I am I really really really am.

I know how hard this is!! Had a date with mr 24 last week and it went amazingly. Conversation has continued since, we chat daily about everything and anything and he's keen to see me again soon. I feel suddenly so bored by all the other options I have!
I have very little spare time so the way I look at it is, right now I'd rather put that spare time into him. If it doesn't work out I aren't going to be heartbroken, but for this moment in time he's the one I'd rather invest time into.
From what I can tell he's on the same page so I'm going with that!

Hi Runs ,the saga with Mr Campervan continues (or is getting nowhere), I was tired last night so told him I would message him tomorrow. I sent him a couple messages today but nothing serious as I am out with the kids for the day, he hasn’t bothered even reading my 2nd message, I’m guessing he’s giving me the silent treatment a I did it to him yesterday, I only did it as I needed them honking space but it seems to have turned into game playing. I think I’m just going to send him a long message, not really sure what to write, was thinking of sending this or similar....

Hi, I’m sorry for disappearing yesterday, I was just a little disappointed when you told me you had invited friends along Wed, I just assumed that because we hadn’t seen each other in over a week that it would be just you and me, I was looking forward to catching up and wasn’t really planning on doing much paddleboarding. I haven’t been well this week so wouldn’t be able to paddle very far anyway or keep up with outher people. I was kind of hoping you would have wanted to see me on my own too but I got it wrong. Anyway, I hope you have fun paddleboarding tomorrow and maybe we can catch up Thursday?

Is that too much? I want him to know that I’m a bit upset and was looking forward to seeing him.

I think its too much sorry love you haven't known him long and although he may have been a bit thoughtless if he knew you were ill, I don't think he set out to upset you.
I know you are upset, but I wouldn't be sending a long message in this frame of mind, just keep it light and see where it goes. I would run a mile if I got that message.
Bet you already sent it though :)

Thanks nok, no I haven’t sent it. He messaged me assuming I was going tomorrow, I told him I wasn’t coming, he seemed ok about that and asked if he could see me for a couple hours Thursday. I have agreed to that but I think it will be make or break.

I think it is better that you meet in person and have a chat to see if you both want the same things.
Hope it goes well, but only you know if it feels right or not, and if you have a summer with just you and the kids, you won't be the only one...my kids will be wishing I had a partner when I keep mithering them to come on days out :)

love personally I wouldn't be say anything and try and have a calm conversation face to face. If he doesn't get where you are coming from then I think you have to walk away because he isn't giving you what you need.

And as my very wise mum says.... to assume makes an ass out of you and me. Don't assume anything! It's so dangerously ;)

Mine are always saying that nokia. Get a boyf and stop bothering us!

Good luck love. I think he does need clear communication as he just isn't getting it at the moment

love i think you either have to accept its too much hard work with MrCV and call it a day..or if you do really like him, i’d try and relax and go with the flow for a bit. obv i dont know the whole situation but there seems to be alot of crossed wires and ignoring/being pissed off which it shouldnt be like.

as an example when i met my ex i knew we were like two peas in a pod, i was so chilled with the whole situation that when he done stuff like cancel meeting me for a friends birthday, i just said ok, have fun, see you next time and it genuinely never bothered me. with my last iron, i wasnt ever sure about him, so when he would run late for a date or rearrange it would piss me off massively and i eventually called it quits with him.

it does sound like a lot of hard work with MrCV and dating should be fun, not making you feel shit

Well I’m not going to sit on the fence - he’s not making you happy love, on many different levels. I think you need to cut him loose and move on before he does your head in any more than he already has.

Love make the most of those few hours on Thursday. Tell him how you feel. Write it down before if you need to.
As pudding says, stop assuming. You didn't ask for some time alone with him. He probably thought you would like to meet his friends and go paddle-boarding. Miscommunication from both of you.
You have to either relax, make your expectations clear or decide that it is too much hard work.

esk all was pretty chilled until last time he stayed, he seemed different, didn’t seem that into me, wasn’t keen on having sex and didn’t even kiss me. This was totally unlike all the other times I had seen him. I guess it’s just made me over think everything so I backed off thinking “if he’s not interested he won’t chase and will probably vanish” but he hasn’t. But why the sudden change in behaviour?

Anyway, I have made plans to go away for a night next weekend, hopefully on my own and meet up with a few single friends. I know Mr Camper is working and then he’s going away early next week so I wanted to keep busy. I never go away with out my dc’s and this is the first time I have asked their DF to have them overnight (though he hasn’t replied to my text yet). After my day at the festival the other week meeting new people I feel more confident going out alone.

Something very odd is going on.
First Mr Ex gets in touch after months of silence.
Then today the bloke from 18mths ago sends a random message (which I chose to ignore)
This evening 2 previous dates have sent me messages. They are both blokes that I met about 2years ago (not at the same time!). We get on but agreed we are looking for different things. So we randomly text each other occasionally. Haven't heard from either for about 3 months.
And in addition I got an random 'Hi' from someone I was chatting to about a month ago but thought he had disappeared.
Have all the men just come out of summer hibernation?

This thread is so helpful
It’s so good listening to everyone’s opinions and being reminded how important we all are.... I have been dating Mr Geek but same as Mr CV, he suddenly seems to have changed, cooled, messages less. Has made me totally overthink as I really like him, but it’s SO helpful to remember ‘you are the prize’... and if h can’t see that then it’s his loss.
I have been pushing and chasing I know. But if he is not invested it’s never going to happen. It’s hard but as someone upthread introduced me to Matthew Hussey, I have been overdosing on his videos and I am now moving on, back OLD and not going to give him my attention anymore.
Chin up @love. If he values you he will come after you. Deep down I know Mr Geek doesn’t value me and though it’s hard, I’m walking away....

Can someone tell me how the POF 'nearby' feature works? Does it locate from the last time someone logged in, or their current location, logged in or not? Confused!

I've just red flagged my first possibility to meet. It started badly with Mr Lightyear but he seemed get better but I noticed he managed to avoid answering any questions about himself and a quick FB and Linked In searches had the same scanty profile. He also tried to make chats sexual which I kept refusing to enter into and then he got slightly more open and after nearly three weeks of messaging (wouldn't do a phone call) I pushed to meet, then he had all sorts of reasons why he couldn't meet so I said thanks but no thanks.
It's mad how quickly one can start feeling a connection I'm feeling tearful despite thinking I was totally on top of not getting involved, just because there's no-one to message for hours tonight.
So I pulled up my big girl pants and messaged two other guys, both replied with nice messages so I'm a bit less bothered and I've archived all Mr Lightyears messages so I'm not tempted to go back and say are you free now because he's a chancer. I don't think he had any intention of ever meeting he just wanted sexting which I sideswiped every time he tried it. So I am feeling both good and bad- good because I saw the red flag and acted on it but miss the silly conversations until stupid o'clock in the morning.
Now talking to a boho builder Mr bumble and a very naice Mr Non drinking clean living (I read recovering alcoholic so already a pinkish flag) who rides horses and my current pash is horses and man who ride.
Ho hum the drawing board is always such a blank space till you start again.

ryder I am not sure because two of my across the road (like 10meters) neighbours are on POF but neither show up on nearby. I think they have to be online to show, but not sure, but if so then its down to their location when logged on rather than their stated "hometown" location.

Thanks flamingnoravera. Maybe your neighours have their location switched off?
I asked because someone said they were at home, 1 mile from me. I nosied at location, it said 6 miles away. I exited the app, returned a few minutes, and it said 1 mile away! tech is wonderful, but certainly breeds doubts and paranoia (and nosiness!) I can only assume he last logged on 6 miles away, then logged on at home this evening, and the location updated.

after a few minutes

Well I've tried to inject a bit of humour and sent a few more messages out tonight in the hope that something sticks. I've realised I must not have the looks to make a success of the swipe apps, so I've deleted all but POF, which was the only one I was getting any responses on.

ryder you can set your location in POF. For example I am abroad so have set my search location to be my home postcode so when I look for people i am seeing people local to me. But there must be some search function where it uses your actual location as the guy I met here found me that way. How do you see where people are in POF? I've never seen that function lol

Didn't meet up with guy I met here last night. Could see he was wanting me to suggest and tbh I wasn't that bothered about him.

dan don't be too downhearted. I am in the same position. As someone on POF said last night, wouldn't you rather be funny and a nice person than drop dead attractive?!

Dan try not to focus on your appearance as that's a very self-limiting belief - personality and attitude really are way, way more important, not to mention effective in this context.

Dan funnily enough I just watched a TED talk about online dating where the speaker said that being found generally attractive by everyone isn't good. It better to be more marmite then when you do get someone who likes you, you have a better chance. She is a mathematician so it was about stats and stuff.

From my pov, being fairly new to it, I've noticed lots of mistakes men make in their pictures... Like not putting up more than 1 pic, not smiling etc. I reckon a genuine smile is the best bet. Oh and why do so many guys take photos in their bathroom, pouting in the mirror. Weird!

If you have a sense of humour that will surely stand you in good stead!