Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hatty44 - Matthew Hussey on YouTube is great, he has some really good stuff to say on dating & it has totally reshaped the way I handle things these days. I've used a few of his things recently. So helpful.

Amy Young is also great - crazy, but great. (You'll see) & on YouTube

I've got the Matthew Hussey book and another book called Why Men Love Bitches which is well worth getting hold of 💋💕

Thank you Dan it’s good to have a mans perspective. Your probably right that he needs things spelling out. He has sent me another message offering to take me out for a meal on Thursday. I need to think of a reply to his messages, I kind of want him to know that I’m a bit pissed off, that I assumed he might of wanted to see me alone as we haven’t seen each other for a while, also want him to know that it feels like he has backed off and isn’t showing much interest (lack of kissing last time I saw him) but I don’t want to sound needy. Do I except his invitation to go out for a meal? It’s all so confusing
I don’t want to come across as a grumpy cow but I don’t want to be walked all over or hurt either.

vet I am the same with phone calls. Also hate the thought of making myself look stupid, this dating stuff is so tricky

You want to see him though, so something along the lines of "yes, that would be nice, it's about time we got back to having some one on one time", with a smiley face emoji should do the trick

I have sent him a message saying we will talk tomorrow as I’m tired and have had a long day (gives me time to think if I want to see him or not).

But dan isn't that just skirting around the issue and pandering to his lacklustre behaviour. I don't think I could be bothered with putting up with that then being all nicey nicey...

Exactly cake ,I don’t think I can be all nice about it. I just need time to work out how to word things. At the moment he doesn’t seem to think I’m pissed off at all , I want him to know I’m fed up, I want him to put more effort in or it’s not going to work out.

But that's my point - he doesn't know you're pissed off. You need to tell him what you want, but you're not officially in a relationship, so I think your first port of call is to be firm but nice. Don't turn it into a confrontation at this stage

Hi all, not posted for a while (its ignoring here but got locked out of account :) )
shit your late night encounter sounds great, hope you see him again, Vet am a bit surprised at Mr DM after all that time, but not speechless as you will understand when I get to my update! Glad you are dealing with it ok, must be frustrating.
Jax lucky you, fingers crossed it carries on this well :)
LoveI don't think Mr CV will understand how he has upset you, he sounds quite laid back and if you like him I would keep it light and try not to get too bothered by it, he probably didnt mean to upset you.
Daffo I'm on OKC and it seems ok, but im not hugely interested right now so not on it much, joined on Sunday when bored and have ten mutual matches but only engaging in conversation with one right now due to time.
and so my update, the first OLD I ever really clicked with, dated for a while, started to fall for him then had to end it due to his childcare issues, was gutted but got over it. So last week after an 8 month hiatus he got in touch, asked to meet, convinced me childcare was sorted and asked to give things another go....4 days later, after lots of lovely messages, ghosted! :) :)
Am now talking to one from OKC but expect nothing now and getting slightly cynical!
Hope everyone has some fun in the sun before it ends :) oh and Pud just behave :)

Hi ignoring/nokia! Sorry to hear you've been ghosted too. It sucks. I'm moving on but I really am so confused by it. Cowardly fuckers.

I haven't used OKC recently but I did sign up a while back and found it a bit niche... there were a lot of men looking for dom/sub relationships and fetish type stuff.

I've got 2 dates lined up so far, one on Wednesday and one on Thursday, and potentially another one or two at the weekend although I have other plans so may not be able to fit them in. Names, in no particular order: Mr Brazil, Mr Plane, Mr Hotel and Mr Kitesurfer. Also talking to Mr Posh, Mr Cornwall and Mr Scuba. I've had to stop there, I can't cope with any more conversations!

Vet It is confusing, totally. I know where mine lives and it is soooo tempting to call him out on it, but I will be the bigger person here and move on. Still don't get it though.
That is a lot of conversations you are juggling! I'm not sure I could keep up, good luck with the dates, I'm sure your no nonsense approach will whittle them down fairly sharpish :)

I'm sure your no nonsense approach will whittle them down fairly sharpish

Or scare them off 😄

I like what dan says and TBH Love Mr Camper could think he is doing the right thing inviting you to be with his friends ? Making you part of his life ?

@vet I think you are handling the disappearance really well, I would be furious. But it's his loss. I don't understand why people are so cowardly.

I've had to do my first total block ! Mr flakey who cancelled our date as he was behind at home...then invited me for a walk at 11pm (no). Asked me again today and then replied that he was relieved and had been dreading it when I turned him down. Nuts.

Can anyone help me with examples of good first messages that will leave an impression and prompt a reply? The messages I've sent on pof have followed the "greeting, comment on profile, ask qustion" formula, but I can't help but feel they come across as boring. I feel I need to inject some humour into things? Also, when a girl just lists a standard list of attributes like "kind, caring, loving", I feel there's very little to actually base a message on

Sorry to hear that nokia - what is he like?! Silly twat.

My status is as follows

holiday man - met and had a shag (v unlike me lol) but it was good. Not sure there is a connection though. On paper we should be perfect for each other (both massively musical but as a side line etc.) but something missing. He lives in the UK but travels for his work. Might see him tonight before I fly home just to give him a 2nd chance.

Bloke1 who I adored but friend zoned me - we had a FWB type meet up just before i went away which was fantastic but I've not heard from him since. My head still desperately wants to connect with him - I'm too old for him (we are the same age) and he wants someone at least 5 yrs younger (he hasn't said so but I can tell). I need to disconnect my head from him but at least I know I can feel a spark when someone is right.

Mr Sex is messaging me a bit more regularly and we have a 2nd date sorted. This one has potential if he calms down a bit. Less likely to sleep with someone who keeps pushing for it.

Mr Artist I am seeing Thursday but he has told me today he is stopping dating as he's finding it too hard. I have sympathy! But I will be his last date for some time (fgs!).

Sent a few new messages on POF today. I'm not hopeful but we will see what happens!

dan 2 types of messages make me respond. One is politeness and the other is humour. Some bloke I would never have spoken to (hugely tattooed which doesn't do it for me, looks like he spends his life in a bar!) picked up a song reference in my profile and we had a long chat. What I hate is passive aggressive. There's an army bloke who is sending me more and more aggressive messages about why I won't respond. Be chilled and be yourself. I don't mind the what are you doing for your summer questions. It's better than Hi there or hiya!

Sorry on phone and it eats paragraphs and grammar!

I think it's hard to come up with a generic opening message Dan as it really needs to be specific to the profile you are viewing.

If I see a list of generic attributes and nothing else I pass - if someone can't be bothered to craft a compelling profile they are not likely to be someone I'd be interested in.

I also second the comment about using humour in opening messages, though I must confess that my own sense of it is very, very warped at times

I came back to see how Love is getting on and to repeat that you and Mr CV need to talk. The texting and assuming what each other is thinking is causing you too much stress.

Dan if there's nothing in a profile to use for an opening message then I often go with a this or that type question. Like 'carrot cake or chocolate cake' '5k run or walk on the beach' . Love or hate the heatwave was one I used recently.

I'm parked on the 'very wary' bench with Mr Ex from last year. I've been smitten by him from the first day I met him but I need to see if he really wants to try again or is going to run from any commitment like last time.

Whatever you do don't start a conversation with someone and then about 10 messages in casually drop into the chat 'oh by the way I have two kids, they're 5 and 4 months'. Four months FFS!

No mention of any kids at all on his profile or I wouldn't have taken up the conversation. When I then politely said sorry but that that's really not for me, especially with a newborn baby involved, he got really arsey and said 'and I thought you were one of the decent ones!' 😄 You have to laugh or you'll cry...

Something weird just happened.
WhatsApp notification. I look and it's a message from someone I was chatting to about 18mths ago. We never got round to meeting and then I met Mr Ex.
He's not someone I'd be bothered about meeting now as he lives too far away.
So do I
a) ignore
b) reply with a polite hello but no thanks
c) another option
I don't block people unless they're rude or abusive. It just seems unfriendly if they haven't done anything wrong.

chatting to about 18mths ago = ignore - he's effectively a total stranger and one who probably moves a tad too slowly!!!