Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Waves at Sun

Hope your dog is on the mend Love

Hello all, I'm thinking of dipping my toes into OLD again after coming out of a 2 year relationship last year. Sadly, I have been on and off these threads for a few years now, think the last one was no.37!

An old flame has popped out of the woodwork and is reminding me of how nice it is to feel wanted. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who makes me feel the way he does, but I've spent too long getting over him to risk going back there and being hurt again. So on that basis I'm wondering if I'm considering doing this for the wrong reasons and should just stay single and stress-free?

Is anyone else wondering whether dating is the right thing for them? How do you balance the yearning for love/sex against the worry of history repeating itself?

love hope your dog is feeling better tonight. my mum soaks a towel in water and drapes it over her dog to keep her cool might sound a bit weird but it seems to work.

vet i wonder if Mr DM saw a preview of the message you sent and is avoiding (if the message was about lack of physical contact). you have been seeing each other for quite a while now and its surprising he hasnt invited you to spend the night, which must be annoying cause it seemed like things were heading in the right direction with you two, relationship wise.

maggie do you mean FWB? if you can handle that and not overinvest then i dont see whats wrong with that! but if hes an ex-flame then there is a risk that old feelings may return. i honestly dont know, follow your heart

esk the message I sent doesn't say anything about that, it's just a very general one, I didn't want to jump right in with it immediately. It still hasn't been read and I haven't seen him online at all 😕 Although the times don't show you can see when he's 'online' but there's been absolutely no sign. It's very strange.

Cooling mats are good yes, I have a few of them for my dogs. Just be careful with draping wet towels though, if the dog is in the sun and the towel isn't kept cool they can actually trap heat and do the opposite of what's intended. Cool water should be used rather than freezing cold. Microfibre or travel type towels are better to use than normal ones, they're much lighter.

Maggie I know what you mean. For me dating and love is synonymous with dashed hopes and wondering how to go on so it seems mad to open myself up at all. It's gambling with very high stakes, isn't it. I would not be as strong as you to resist the old flame but perhaps would think about why it ended and whether that's something that could have been outgrown with time.If so I wouldn't write it off - how many people in this life make us feel like that?

You can't really be sure whether you fancy someone until you meet them in person sugar - perhaps you should arrange a quick coffee date so you can see if there's any spark without committing to something longer?

maggie i constantly wonder if dating is the right thing for me. I have been divorced for around 6 years and am largely content. But it would be nice to have someone to go on holiday with and share fun times. I think doing it without being desperate for a partner works really well because you take the knocks better. BUT it is hard work and if you're not entirely into it, it's very tempting to give it up!

sugar go and see, some of the people I like in real life I probably wouldn't have swiped on them if I had seen them on tinder. My current FWB would have not ben swiped on judged on his pictures for sure, but we have great chemistry.

love i hope your pooch is better. Mr Campervan sounds a bit odd to me the more you mention him. He sounds like he has a few issues, I would distance myself, get back swiping and see what happens.

So after living with my seperated parents (yes very odd they still travel to Portugal together) for 12 days, I am now free again until mid august. I sneaked out my room a couple of nights to excape, had to watch myself on the phone and try to convince my dad I am not a floozie (he is very old fashioned). Got FWB popping over for lunch, then I have a date with Mr Suprise tonight (surf/ski guy). It is very easy with him probably because I don't feel like I totally fancy the pants off him but we are having sushi, then going to try watch the lunar eclipse if the cloud cover shifts. Date 3 tonight and we haven't kissed yet but happy to take this one slowly.

He is very cool and laid back, but he has been messaging, always replies and seems fairly keen also. I like his company if nothing else he makes me laugh.

Still off tinder, partying this weekend with friends then next week my bestie arrives for a few days and we intend to paty again.

I am very much feeling 18 again and I am enjoying every minute :)

Have a good weekend everyone.

Carouselfish/Esk1mo The old flame is a definite no-no, for various reasons not least because he is not available. He is telling me he just wants friendship and misses talking to me, but we have tried that before and it didn't work as we always ended up in bed together. I know for a fact he has a girlfriend and children and I got involved with him when he was supposedly split up but it turned out he wasn't. I really miss spending time with him too, we got on so well and were so compatible, but I'm not going back to that situation EVER.

DaffoDeffo That sounds very similar to me - divorced 6 years ago. I was just at the point when I was really content being single and then went and got together with someone and was a little bit resentful of finding myself in a full-blown relationship when I didn't really want to be (he was very full-on at the start, should have backed out then but it ran its course). So I feel a bit like you do. I would love to meet a proper grown up man, who has his own life and wants to do the nice stuff without the drudgery of living together. Take it slowly.

So tonight I will try and catch up with this thread and maybe pick one or two sites to set up a profile on. I'm not sure which to choose, what is everyone else on? I've heard good things about Badoo which I've never tried before.

vet hmm thats weird is he maybe in hospital again? turn on your last seen on whatsapp for a sec and see what his says (then turn it back off).

shitwithsugar thats my main problem with OLD, i never “fancied” anyone based on their pictures so i barely wanted to meet up with anyone. one date cant hurt though, just to figure out if you fancy them.

esk I have the last seen thing on mine, it's him that doesn't so I have no way of seeing his, it only shows up if he's actually online or typing. I have no idea where he is... his back is still bad but unless both his thumbs have been amputated I really don't know. I'm not going to chase him, I've messaged and that's that as far as I'm concerned. He really seemed genuinely lovely and decent, just goes to show!

pudding all sounds awesome! Good luck with your date tonight.

sugar I never fancy anyone just from profile photos, I have to meet them to decide.

Thanks pudding ,mr Campervan does seem a bit odd, I have stepped back, haven’t mentioned seeing him. He hasn’t messaged me at all today but I know he has a 12 hour shift. Just feels like he’s not that interested but he still messages me for general chit chat.
My FWB messaged me and wants to meet up, I’m very tempted as I know the set will be good
Luckily I’m quite busy over the weekend with the kids and work so I’m not too bothered about mr Camper.

It's very hard to resist good sets Love, though I don't recall you mentioning tennis before

🤣 obviously my iPad doesn’t like the S word. Sets obviously not as good as sex.

Argh! I have a date :/
Someone I'd term a gentleman I've been talking to on and off for ages. Only one drink but I've lost my mojo and I've given up drinking so am not sure how to 'act'!

HELP !!!!

I think it's time for new balls Love

Drink something non-alcoholic Iron and if it's only one drink, there's no pressure at all.

I'm finding it tedious too as a PP said. Messages have dried up, people aren't local to me..I've had 4 dates in 4 weeks and pretty much been ghosted since. I'm envious of all the fun and dates some people seem to get! It's actually depressing and I'm sure I've broken " the rules" by being so bothered...any words of wisdom?

Had a very strange experience with a guy I met online. We’ve been talking all week and he asked to see more pictures which is fine! Then he started asking for naked pictures which I obviously refused. We had a video call last night and had provisionally set up a date. He started asking for naked pics after the call and I woke up to him saying I was stringing him along. I blocked him straightaway which I do feel bad about but I don’t need that kind of pressure. Also the conversation on the video call wasn’t great and I have had to explain a couple of my jokes to him - again not a good sign. Hopefully I’ve done the right thing?

beast Yep, totally done the right thing if you didn't find it comfortable and he is clearly an idiot if he said you were stringing him along.

cave i find the busier I am the less I care or stress about OLD (or dating at all). When I have quiet moments I lament on things sometimes. Keep busy!

I like wine 😂😀😂😀

@Eesha Did you take the plunge?

I downloaded Bumble after reading about it on here - that wasn't around the last time I was on this thread!

It's very quiet on here this evening, I hope that's because you are all on fabulous dates

@maggiemuggins I didn’t complete the download of Bumble but did go on Plenty of Fish. I’m just so nervous and not wanting to meet anyone in case they are nuts, but at the same time wanting a bit of flirting!

I'm not sure which to choose, what is everyone else on?

For what it's worth Maggie, here is a male (looking for something that falls between too casual and too serious) perspective of a few of the sites:

OKC - as someone who values an intellectual connection, this is the best site for me as it lends itself to longer profiles. The questions and matching have some value, though I wonder how useful it is to know about a fellow Londoner's views on US gun control, and people seem to be far more open and honest about what they are really looking for. Small user base though so not great if you don't live in or near a large city.

POF: Maybe useful in the short-term but I see the same faces all the time which I think says much about the level of success people have on there.

Tinder: I'm hearing more and more that people are using this for more than just hookups. My experience is quite the opposite though.

Bumble: Very similar to Tinder in how it works but the woman has to make the first move. In my age bracket, this doesn't work well - I get a lot of matches that expire because no message was ever sent.

Badoo: Living near London I see a crazy large number of women on this app. I think it has much potential but I've not spent much time on it yet.