Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm feeling a bit fed up this evening. If I were to rate the different apps:

Badoo - completely useless where I am. Seems to want to match me with people "189km" away.

OK Cupid - again, useless. Had swiped through everyone in a 30 mile radius within the first 15 minutes. No new users in about 2 weeks. One match, no reply.

Bumble - Perhaps the best quality of eligible ladies, but only one conversation after swiping what feels like 500 people, and that has already dried up.

Tinder - like a bargain basement Bumble. One match so far and I think that's with a made up profile.

POF - the only one that's resulting in conversations. Probably the busiest in my area and some interesting looking people on it, but this whole "numbers game" is a bit wearing.

dan it is completely exhausting sometimes and you feel like you are wading through tar. I'm not really having any luck either if it is any consolation. Just keep going but try to keep busy doing other things too.

OK, so next question - if someone responds to you but they don't really carry on the conversation, is it dead or do you take the fact they're responding as the indicator they want to carry on chatting?

dan I find that really annoying, if they respond to a question just with a short answer and nothing else then I tend not to reply back again as I feel it shows a lack of interest in me as a person. I suppose if it is someone you really like the sound of you could try another message and see if they improve.

try it and see dan It takes two to keep the convo going, and you can only do your part. And sometimes people are just busy!

I drop them all the time, just because someone else comes along who does keep the momentum going.

I wonder if all these blokes just click right on anything they see with a pulse?

Many do.

Is it ok to delete messages I've been sent without even opening them?

You don't owe anything to anyone and can do as you please.

I'm quite dull and what excites me/interests me probably doesn't do the same for very many others

Join the club! But there is such a variety of people on OLD that you will almost certainly come across people who do excite you and share your interests all the same.

Shit it's entirely up to you what you do. I regularly delete messages without opening. I don't have time to reply to everyone and so I filter it out based on who looks half decent.

It took me a while to give out my number but I do now to anyone who I've been chatting with and I like the look of. I figure I can always block them if they get annoying. Again though, totally personal preference. I prefer WhatsApp for chatting so anyone who I'm genuinely interested in I usually add on there.
Messaging isn't easy is it?!? I'm quite dull and what excites me/interests me probably doesn't do the same for very many others
Don't put yourself down, be natural and just let the conversation flow. I find you soon get a vibe for whether someone is on your wavelength and the chats are always so much easier with those that are.
We all have some hidden geek inside and I think you just need to find someone who matches yours!

Just do whatever you feel comfortable with, there are no rules and you don't have to keep up with anyone, do it at your own pace. The more you start talking to people the easier it gets!
It's also important to remember that a lot of guys out there are in the same position as you! I met a guy for a date last week, my first one from OLD. I had pre date nerves, concerned I wouldn't "be good enough" kind of thing. Got there and he was shaking he was so nervous haha and in a way it made me feel better.
Enjoy!

Feeling sorry for myself, been unwell for 2 days with cold/flu, have hardly heard from Mr Camper, I know he’s been busy but a few messages would be nice. Just feels like things have come to a stand still.

lovemusic I had a thought....do you think he was uncomfortable in some way because your DDs were in the next room? It is usually inhibiting when you know you have to be quiet for fear of waking children. And if he doesn't have his own, then maybe that is more of a factor because he might not be used to them? Perhaps something to ask him?

Bendy I’m not sure, last time we were alone with no kids and it was still disappointing. I’m just not sure what is going on. I’m now phone watching, I think he’s probably sleeping as he has had 2 hard days but another part of me thinks he’s lost interest due to how he was last time I saw him
I’m not going to text him or chase.

dan have you tried Hinge? i’ve seen it mentioned alot online! i agree with your synopsis of those sites though. would you ever try speed dating?

has anyone ever went to the match.com meetups? i wonder if they’re any use.

esk1mo, I've heard of Hinge and think it may be my next port of call. I would be up for speed dating, but I would feel more confident with that if I had someone to go with (I don't). That way, it would be less embarrassing if I have to slink out at the end having failed to interest anyone.

Another question for you girls: Are you more likely to reply to a first message that's thought out and directly refers to something in your profile, or something a bit more off-the-wall that tried to get a laugh? I've gone more than the former and ended up thinking how boring it must sound.

dan good luck with Hinge i might give it a go too.

i think you will get different answers from different women, but i personally would go with the latter. you could even make a joke that refers to something on their profile. it must be hard though, ive never messaged a guy first.

as an example, i matched with a guy who had on his profile that he enjoys long walks to the fridge. in one of my pictures i was wearing pyjamas that were covered in a little fruit pattern (they were cute ok!) and his opening line was about my fruit pyjamas & his long walks to the fridge (i cant remember the exact joke). anyway, you get my drift, it was something that caught my attention.

that being said, we never met up because he seemed quite into me despite not having met which to me was a red flag. the first person i met from tinder i ended up dating for a few months and his opening line was “hey x” so make of that what you will

vet I think its time for MrDM to shit or get off the pot - has he friend zoned you? Do you kiss/hug/hold hands etc?

Its time to lay the cards on the table, tell him what you want and see if you are both on the same page.

I think I’m going to have to step back from Mr Camper and stop giving him my head space. We usually meet up on a Thursday night but he’s busy this week (nothing that important which proves how unimportant meeting me is), he’s not set another date which is unlike him, just feels like he’s not that interested or I’m just not a priority. I’m gong to concentrate on planning the summer holidays for the dc’s and enjoying time with them, if he suddenly shows interest then he will have to fit in with my plans. Luckily I have a holiday to look forward too in a couple weeks, trying to focus on this instead of him. What will be will be.

I have now no ongoing conversations on bumble despite starting many. Need to trawl through profiles on PoF again...sigh...

Met Mr Sex last night who was indeed after sex (which I didn't give him). We had a massively fun date and he wants to see me again but I am away for a week then he is away for a week so it won't be for a while.

He is the 4th date I've had - all of them said I looked a lot better than my profile which probably shows you how crap my photos must be! So one wasn't interested, one was a psycho, one I wasn't interested and one is desperate for sex and not much more lol.

Not great odds!

Daffo, what is making you want to match with these guys?

Thanks Jax and you're right, it's crunch time!

Do you kiss/hug/hold hands etc?

Yes, yes and no in that order. I'm not sure if he's friendzoned me. He really does seem very 'shy' and quite inexperienced when it comes to dating etc. so I don't know if it's that or me that's the issue. Either way though I need to find out. I haven't heard from him much this week either which is unusual and not a great sign. I haven't contacted him, part of this is that I want to see if he'll be more proactive and it looks like I've got my answer on that score. I doubt if he's back in the hospital for the second time. I think the writing may be on the wall, which is a shame.

Which guys dan? The 4 I've met? Mainly in my age group, smiling pictures and at least something written in the bit where you write. A lot of bumble photos with no blurb and I never swipe right on those.

Sorry to hear that love. Hope it's just a temporary blip

vet that is a difficult one. Out of interest, why doesn't he hold hands? Is it because he is so shy? I don't really know what the answer is. I think you're right to see if he contacts you though. I do like to see a man make some effort. I will reciprocate but it's not good if it's all one-sided.

Do you know his relationship history? Has he had long term relationships?
I think next time you see him you should be open about what you want from the relationship and see if he wants the same thing. To not make a move on you at all after so many months seems quite unusual and must be very frustrating!

love good for you for focusing on other things. I always find Amy Young's video about giving too many fucks useful at times like this.

Tom I think I need to revisit Amy young. I really do need to not give a fuck, it’s not always easy. I’m a bit pissed off as we have met up every Thursday since we started dating but this week he has chosen to help his mum with the garden , I think because of the sex thing on top of this it’s just making me think he’s not that interested. I don’t want to make myself look stupid by chasing after him. The confusing thing is he’s still messaging me, not as often but it’s always him messaging first. Yesterday he didn’t message me until gone 10pm ,I didn’t answer until this morning as I was pissed of that he didn’t text earlier. If he can’t make the effort in the bedroom or to make time to see me then I’m not sure if I can be bothered to continue.

Can I ask love why is it always him messaging first? Maybe he's like you to message first as he might be thinking you are loosing interest too

Can I ask love why is it always him messaging first? Maybe he's like you to message first as he might be thinking you are loosing interest too

This is a very good point - I think men are, to some degree and depending on age and upbringing, 'programmed' to be the pursuers but if the messaging is very one-sided, either way around, does it not communicate lack of interest from one person to the other?