Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Bendy lat date he just lost interest and we didn’t DTD (lots of hugging and talking but nothing else), last night he was really tired, kept telling me before we went to bed so I didn’t even bother trying, this morning I think he would have happily not bothered at all, I initiated it and it lasted all of 3 minutes, no effort put into it at all. First few times we did it he paid me a lot of attention and it was pretty amazing. When we first met he gave the impretion that he liked sex a lot but from what I can see his sex drive isn’t that high. His ex cheated on him and I can see why if he wasn’t that bothered about sex . This morning it just felt like I had to put in the effort and I didn’t get anything in return. He then got up, said he had to be somewhere and left.

He doesn’t know who I am seeing and not seeing, we are not exclusive (it hasn’t been discussed). My FWB knows I’m seeing someone but it doesn’t bother him, I haven’t met with FWB since seeing Mr Camper but we do text and he wants to meet up (he’s moving abroad soon).

I don’t think I can even be bothered to message Mr Camper today, he has a busy day so I’m hoping he doesn’t message me until later.

Love Perhaps its time for a chat - it isn't nice not knowing where you stand - it doesn't have to be a heavy one. As a one-off, I wouldn't be too concerned about not DTD, but if it is a trend ..... As for FWB, only you can decide on that one. If it was me, I'd think about how I would feel if he had a FWB. But that is just the way I am. Hope you can get away from your thoughts for a bit.

Love after a month things should be pretty exciting still as you are getting to know each other better. Maybe you need to have a chat with him and see if you are on the same page.

I know, your right, I wouldn't like the thought of him sleeping with someone else but TBH he could be (he probably isn't but we haven't had the exclusive chat). He messaged me as soon as he got home saying 'thank you for a lovely evening and good company'. I really hope it's just a blip with the bedroom side of things. I think I will just pull back a bit and see if he puts effort I to finding time to see me this week. I will try not to over think things.

@shitwithsugaron
Welcome! The world of OLD can be a scary place but I think you've just got to take it at face value and not have high expectations, enjoy it and if anything comes of it then great but if not it's not the end of the world!

Be confident about yourself, it's so easy to pull yourself apart and focus on your "bad" points or the bits you don't like about yourself but try just posting a nice natural shot of yourself, in good lighting.

With regards to what apps I'm currently using badoo and tinder. I'd say these are the most "shallow" of the apps as they're heavily dependent on people swiping one way or another purely on your pictures. (This suits me just fine for now!) You can post a bit about yourself but judging by a lot of the messages I receive I'd say half of them don't read it! Personally for me I find badoo the best but I think it's clear from this thread that different ones seem to work for different people so it could be worth trying out a few.
I'm sure some of the other posters on here maybe able to recommend some of the other sites which are more focused on matching on personality/ interests etc

Keep posting on here too, I've found this thread really helpful

lovemusic it sounds like you are in a relationship already!! Perhaps it's got to the comfortable stage where you don't always want to rip each others clothes off? Well, him anyway. It doesn't mean he isn't into you.

I'd explore the sex drive issue with him (gently), because if you aren't compatible in that respect then a solution needs to be discussed. But he may just have been tired.

Message this morning.

"Morning bby how u been" from someone I spoke to briefly last week but gave up on.

Got stood up last night. Was going to be FWB with s younger guy. 10 minutes before he was due to arrive, got a message "Sorry. Been to a barbeque and over the limit".

I literally just replied "ok". This morning another message saying sorry, he'd fallen asleep. I just replied forget about it I have.

Then tries to engage me in conversation. Bollocks to that. You blew it twat!

Bendy I hope your right. He still seems keen (texting, making plans etc..). He is quite tired due to working long hours last week and this week, said he could do with a whole day sleeping. Most of the time he acts like we are in a relationship and then other times he doesn't. It's early days and I want to enjoy the sex side of things and being adventurous. Maybe I just wasn't looming great this morning, I woke up with a bad cold so maybe that put him off a little ?

Maybe I just wasn't looming great this morning, I woke up with a bad cold so maybe that put him off a little ?

There's no need to be critical of yourself in any way Love, it just sounds like he was genuinely tired and these things happen. Of course, if it's like that every time it will be definitely be an issue but, for now, perhaps you should wait to reassess after he's caught up on his sleep?

IME a cold never put anyone off! But sometimes there isn't any point thinking of all the unlikely reasons when it's most likely an obvious one, like the tiredness he told you about! In a way, it's heading where you want it to be if he's so content in your company that he doesn't feel it has to be a smash and grab!

"It's him, not me". Say this repeatedly after me lovemusic

love I do think if sex is that important to you, you need to figure out soon if he isn't compatible. It is important to me (I'm not sure as important as it is to you) and I ended something after a few months as we were totally incompatible in bed. It was nightmarish.

I'm getting disillusioned but this does always happen. I do OLD, meet a few people for a few weeks then lose interest. This time I am going to try not to and keep on going!

Love just a suggestion but maybe this heat is wiping him out. I know it is me. Feel all out of sorts, especially mentally. We need rain, thunder and lightening desperately to clear the air and vibrations.

How was everyone's weekend?
I'm feeling a bit disillusioned, had a few chats that had just started up and now every single one of them has stopped replying, feeling a bit glum

love excuse me for chipping in, but it seems that he is working today and you aren't, so it may have been on his mind that he had to get up early this morning, whereas you didn't.

I'm an early starter (around 5am every day) so unless we go to bed at 8pm, a decent performance on a worknight (on a regular basis) is difficult for me, and I would genuinely enjoy just being intimate, without all the bells and whistles. We do sometimes wake up early doors at dark o'clock if one of us is feeling horny.

If it's not a worknight on the other hand.......

We're 3 months into a relationship, and it's not a problem for us not going the whole hog sometimes on work nights.

I realise everybody's level of drive is different, so this isn't an answer to that aspect, but rather looking at the possibility that he is cooling off (or not).

@Cakecrumbs morning. Weekend has been full on so not had much time for OLD, kept in touch with the guys I'm chatting to on WhatsApp but not really had much time for anything else.
Woke up to 13,223 "likes" on badoo though so I guess I have plenty to choose from haha
Kids are away with their dad for a week now so I have 3 dates lined up for the week, Mr sensible, Mr Youngbutold and Mr Hat
Not feeling too nervous after I got my first first date out of the way last week with Mr Nextdoor
Don't be disheartened by the lack of reply, if it doesn't go anywhere it wasn't meant to be it's not a reflection on you in anyway. Chalk it down as practice and move onto the next

Cake I'm disillusioned with a capital D,! I've deleted Badoo app for now. It's too crazy busy and all the wrong guys incessantly messaging, dick pics, requests for "private" pictures.

What I hate is when you give your number to Whatsapp and within seconds they are video calling. I need a break. Saturday I am meeting someone off Tinder who I've been having just the right amount of comms with. He makes me laugh too. 😊

wishy where do you live to get that many likes? Your profile must be amazing! I don't think I've got a very big pool of guys to date, not many are interested in dating someone out with their city. Not sure what that means for me really?

Wishy 13,000 wow you must be a real stunner!! I was up to 500 ish but this am the figures had changed back down to 100 or so.

Do they get deleted if you don't reply within a time limit?

Pieth no, it’s his day off today but he’s helping family, he didn’t have to get up so early. I had to be up early to get my dd’s up as they still have a couple days left at school. I have to be very tired not to want it, I’m happy if I can have it twice a day but I know it’s not always possible. We only see each other twice a week so I kind of expect some effort to be put into it.

I thought it was a made up number to get you to pay to see them at first but I clicked on them this morning and there they all are! I don't think they disappear until you've clicked on the profile, I noticed as I clicked on each one it counted down. I think they've built up since me joining the app, I've not really paid much attention to who's "liked" me until this morning!
My profile is just a mixture of sarcasm and my ugly mug

And Bendy your right, it is him and not me. I feel rough as hell with a cold but I still want it.

wishy I think I might need your help!

love I have a very high sex drive and my FWB totally spoilt me as his matches mine. You seem to have slipped into relationship territory with Mr Campervan. I think you need to chat to him and express how you feel. If his views don't match yours you need to decide if you want to continue to persue it. Don't fall into a relationship because you are lonely if it isn't quite right.

Listen to your intuition. I would be quite hurt if a new guy slept at mine and started to make excuses about being tired. If he was that tired I would have prefered him not to come over (one month in......). Only you know if it will met your needs and tick your boxes. He sounds like a nice guy, but is he right for you??