Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Plenty of chance involved, yes dan.

improve your chances by a) habing good photos, b)sending interesting messages c) sending lots of messages.

It's time consuming. The more messages you send, the more chance you have. plus luck. plus location (probably more than anything).

Don't invest yourself in any one profile/girl.

Lurk this thread most of the time! Currently having pre first date nerves, always hate the early dates!

Catching up as I haven't been here for a couple of days.

Dan maybe it's also down to your location, I certainly don't get inundated by messages on Tinder or Bumble (I don't even bother looking at Match!) but I answer all of them. And remember it all could change at a moments notice, one second nothing nothing nothing, the next boof loads of messages and, ultimately, it only takes one! The old chestnut again, it's a numbers game!

Oooo Love I didn't think you were seeing Mr Campervan today because of a bbq? Presume things changed!! How exciting, have a fun time tonight!

Dan: I avoid the "hey babe" messages, will always take the time to respond to someone who has taken the time to read my profile or someone who comes out with a funny one liner relating to something on my profile or observing life in general.

I'm sorry to say, but I'm a sucker for a guy who throws in a lovely compliment- lol, just how I'm wired up..... "you have beautiful eyes...." usually 2 or 3 messages in though. Not first message.

I don't envy you guys...... I've got to the point where I'm sending messages first if I match with someone (Tinder) & find it really tough writing that first message.

Just keep doing it and test it out as much as you can :-) - online dating is 100% a numbers game. I have met some interesting people along the way from all walks of life - some I've never met but now follow on Insta because they have an interesting job/hobby- usually photography as that is a thing for me.

:-)

dan, I agree with the others, it really stands out to me if someone has read my profile and comments on something from it, then to keep a conversation going I need them to be showing a genuine interest in me and the way I live my life, just keep going, I send out loads of messages that get ignored too!

That's cool. Of the 11 messages I sent last night, 2 have replied, so I'm taking that as a win!

That's good going Dan - make those follow-up messages count!

Just having a quick catch up!
Daff sorry your date wasn't great. Being over invested at such an early stage is a red flag for me too. To me it says he's either a) emotionally vulnerable in some way/clingy/ needy or b) a fraud
I'm very clear with everyone from the start that I'm not looking to meet the love of my life. Dating/ meeting and seeing what happens yes, being whisked off my feet - no.
Dan I'd agree with your approach of trying to respond to their profile in some way. I get bombarded with messages and I always flick through and ignore ones that just say "hi" or "hey babe" etc (unless they look like tom Hardy, yes I'm terribly shallow)
Anyone else who puts a bit of effort in to their first message I'll try and respond to even if there's no initial attraction

Question for all you clever people on here...

So having got dumped from a big height (13 year relationship, cheating bastard!) last summer and taking ages to uncrush my heart and move on I’m dealing ok with OLD and taking it in my stride and am open minded about it all.

However, I have now met a couple of guys who I really quite like, one especially. I am not over-investing and I’m following all of the rules but am now starting to get really nervous about any new relationship and getting my heart broken again. I’m a big girl, I know I’ll be fine if it does happen but it just scares me witless - crazy huh. Any helpful hints on dealing with this?

Secondly (sorry guys!), so had dates with the two guys above, second date with Mr T tomorrow, he seems keen, can sense a second date with Mr PP looming too after our first date last night and he seems keen too. Am texting two others Mr VeryLocal who will not commit to a date though I think that’ll happen soon and Mr Italian (no date set but I’m loving the messaging!). So with four on the ‘go’ (not including Mr Local who I’ve met twice and DTD but is on the periphery), would you suggest stepping away from Tinder and Bumble now and concentrating on what I’ve got already?

Argh!!

Entirely your call Half as everyone is different. All I can say is that I stopped doing any more OLD at the point where I started seeing 4 people myself.

dutch personally, with four on the go, and one that you do quite like, I would definitely stay away from OLD for a while. I think any more would almost be too many to juggle.

As for dealing with the insecurity, that's a tricky one. I dated someone last year after my ex left me for someone else. It took a while to feel secure, but after a few months I realised he was nothing like me ex at all, which really helped me to move on. I did have a couple of wobbles but was able to open to him after a while and he was lovely about it. So really all you can do is just remember these new men are all different and not all of them are cheating so and so's! And it is ok to be insecure sometimes.

That's great advice tom

I feel really bad for MrFarAway :(

I only have left now Mr Sex (tuesday) but have also made it clear we are not having sex on date 1 :) but he is quite fun and bloke1 from the start who wants to meet up as friends (weds).

So really it's likely I need to start all over again!

This is normally when I get bored of it all for a bit!

Half I would if I was you - I know the saying is the more, the merrier but multiples can confuse things - see where this lot take you - if nowhere - pick up again then

Half As for broken heart, sadly that is the price everyone has to pay for getting involved with anyone - be it lover or friend - you just have to weigh up if the risk is worth taking - me - I'll always take that risk and deal with the consequences when they happen - if not, we'll all end up on our own.

Thanks all! Yep, I’ll get rid of Tinder and Bumble for now, they may well be resurrected should it all go horribly wrong! Yes, 4/5 is enough for me to cope with!

Tom You’re right, not everyone is the same and I shouldn’t tar any new guys with the same brush as my ex - thank you!

Val Yes, if I want to try and get a new relationship I’ll have to take the risk!

Half I suppose it depends what you're looking for and how things feel. If you're starting to develop feelings then, as others have said, maybe just stick to the 4 for now as things may get complicated!
Personally for me I'm still in the more the merrier stage, I'm enjoying chatting to several and dating several but I'm not really looking for a full on relationship at the moment. Of course if I begin to develop real feelings for someone then I'd probably want to calm it with the OLD to give that chance to develop.
All I'd say is trust your gut, do what feels right ☺️

plusprincess I agree that a lot of guys on mainstream sites aren't put off by women with a bit of meat on their bones but I'm plus size too and if you did want another option I'm on BBWCupid and have found that quite a good site.

halfdutch 4 seems to be suggested as a good number. For me, I think probably 2 or 3 properly seeing, regularly and reliably, not just irons in the fire. But it all depends on what each one brings.

The thing is, someone doesn't go from iron to date to regular squeeze in an instant. It's a process. And its one that people notoriously drop out of at various points. So for me, I would carry on chatting to new people until I had my happy number of regular reliables. If yours are still early dates, then you haven't really consolidated them yet.

Have you had the conversation with them? You know, the "I'm intending to carry on dating others as well as you" one?

The thing is, someone doesn't go from iron to date to regular squeeze in an instant. It's a process.

Bendy is right about people dropping out at various points which is why it's good to at least have additional options, but the process part is where it gets tricky for me if there are too many irons in the fire - the time involved can become excessive and I already seem to live much of my life on WhatsApp as it is right now!

Have you had the conversation

This is very important and should be done as early as possible as it may cause many irons to jump straight out of the fire. One woman who was happy with this with me just a few weeks ago is playing up so... back to the process for me...

Well, Mr Campervan stayed last night (he’s just left), I’m feeling confused and frustrated. I’m not sure what’s going on with him, I know he’s tired from working a lot but it feels like things are going down hill or he’s just showing the real him (we have been dating just over a month so I think noes the time these things happen?). To begin with the sex was great, now it’s just not great . I feel frustrated this morning and I’m tempted to call my FWB, would it be wrong to do this?
Mr Campervan is bust this week with work and family so probably won’t see him until next week.

I’ve woken up with a horrid cold, had hardly any sleep due to having extra body in bed, I just want to curl up and hide for the day (and over think things).

I know he’s tired from working a lot

I'm currently mentally tired from not working enough and having way too much time on my hands, plus the heat isn't doing me any favours either - both have had an effect on me so perhaps cut him some slack?

I’m tempted to call my FWB, would it be wrong to do this?

Only you can answer that question Love.

and over think things

That is the killer - I hope you find a distraction in one form or another to avoid doing that as far as possible.

Kin it’s hard, I really like him but sex is really important to me, especially early on (I have a high sex drive). I know it kind of proves he’s not just after one thing and I don’t want to come across as I’m after one thing but it’s a big part of being with someone, I kind of feel a bit rejected even though everything else seems fine.

I’m going to go for a long walk when the dd’s have gone to school and try and stop myself texting the FWB (how ever tempting it might be).

lovemusic what happened to make you feel rejected?

What do you mean by showing the real him? Remember the self-sabotage potential of over thinking this way.

Does Mr CV know you are seeing FWB? That's the key thing there. I don't see a problem if he does, and if FWB is happy to be called up. But this doesn't seem to be really about sex at all, so will a temporary fix really resolve how you are feeling?

Sex is definitely very important Love and I totally get where you're coming from. I myself wouldn't judge somebody on one or two performances (unless it is that bad) but if you are seeing a trend developing, that's definitely worth consideration.

As for FWB, you know which side of that fence I sit on so hopefully you'll get some other views on that bit.

Sorry, I meant to add, those questions are rhetorical. You don't need to answer them here, I'm just giving you things to think about.