Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

[touchoffree]

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

OP - regarding people losing interest. It might be the way you communicate and socially interact. Your posts are a bit off. You don't seem to be able to do two way communication. People have asked you questions and given you advice and there's no dialogue from you? If your communication is as poor as it is in this thread that may be why men lose interest?

It is the foundation of interpersonal skills that you communicate well and you definitely seem to have a gap.

One word- karma. Did you really think shagging someone else's husband was going to end well? I actually completely disagree with the attitude that the man is more to blame than the woman. Actually I hold a woman who thinks it is acceptable to knowingly go with a taken man and has so little regard for another woman (and any possible children) equally contemptible. Sorry but the fact you have showed zero remorse and are only concerned about your own feelings is exactly why you have received the responses you have.

It's not more hobbies you need, it's more self esteem.

I agree with you, there is a distinction to be made between getting bored and being boring. String theory is fascinating, and one could become quite involved studying it, but few people do. So, I'm inclined to think that your low self esteem has led you to equate their lack of interest with being boring. Not so, some people have a very short attention span. And some men get bored with every woman they meet because no woman can be every woman!

My advice, drop this man. You don't need him or want him. Right here you are allowing his lack of real interest to prove to you that you are 'boring' if you dump him you'll suddenly become interesting to him, take that power back and keep him dumped.

Next work on your self esteem. Psychotherapy is probably the best bet. Forget self help books, new dresses and dating, it's all superficial, it's the equivalent of fast food.

In terms of men there is a third way. It's often thought there are only two ways of dealing with relationships with men, drop your knickers or don't. Be passive or not. Explicitly state you want a relationship or have ONS. The third way is 'more interesting' you never tell a man you want a relationship. You leave them to convince you that you want a relationship with them. If at the outset you say you want a relationship they are apt to think you're desperate, will accept shit, will accept any old man as a potential to fullfil your need for a relationship. Or they will think if they give you enough patter you'll give in naively and drop your knickers. They see this as conquest. Once conquered you'll be boring. Ok, so you might just think oh well good to find out now he's a shag and run, but don't underestimate the psychological harm this does to women! And in your case it becomes a case of proving your hypothesis and a self fulfilling prophecy 'im boring' the third way is to be fussy, don't feel flattered by attention from just any man, don't base your self esteem on male approval, don't look to men to validate you.

I have deleted his number, I don't expect to hear from him again so that's that.

I have felt remorse and guilt when I have seriously thought about the repercussions of his wife finding out. Maybe I shouldn't separate myself from the situation as I have done. At first I felt awful all the time and believed people were bound to find out but as time as gone on I guess both of us have got more comfortable.

I'm wondering if I need help with setting more boundaries for myself because I tend to let men walk all over me, it seems to take me longer than other people to accept that they're treating me badly.

This will never work out well for you, and you will never feel better from this because you know it's wrong. Please spare a thought for his poor wife and walk away if he's too stupid to do so

You are mistreating his wife by being with her husband behind her back. He is scum for being with you while married.
Respect yourself and others.

Yes you need to raise the bar. If you continue to believe you are boring, or they think you're boring then you'll be almost grateful for any attention.

I think your hurt and disappointment led you to think the wife lucky enough to be interesting, this pits you in opposition, she is an adversary, not another woman just like you. No one likes to feel guilty or shame so apt to find ways of avoiding feeling this.

Married men who cheat on their wives are the lowest type of man.. why on Earth would you want someone like that! His poor wife.. I can't believe you actually thought this might go somewhere! Have a little respect for yourself in future and you may just meet a man who will treat you that way. Please steer clear of men who just want a quick thrill.. no good will come of it ever.

I'm the wife of a vile husband who cheated, I can honestly say it's the worst thing to do to a happy family. Don't be the other woman, in most cases your just a quick f*ck and no one deserves that.

I think a married man (who is vile as he has made vows to his poor wife) would feel someone who goes with a married man, isn't worth perusing for the long run. A lack of moral respect for yourself - though, ironically, his lack of respect is even worse.

You're never going to win with a married man. Don't go there, you're setting yourself up for heartache.

I think minitheminx is right on the money there. It can feel like a competition as the man you have set your sights on has a full time life with somebody else and, even if you (and possibly he) feels as if you're right for each other - somebody else got there first. That person is the legal commitment regardless of anything else. They can be in plain sight, an OW can't really.

It's easy to see where feelings of 'competition' come from but they're groundless really. You can't compare yourself in a scenario where you didn't exist in the first place. It's pointless to try. Setting up a 'competition' now is unfair - to you first of all because none of it's clear and the 'rules' don't exist - and mostly to his wife as she doesn't even realise that she was competing with you for what she perceives is already hers.

Most of all, this man... he's not worthy of the effort, he really isn't. He's nor worth your time and I'm really glad that you've decided to block him and delete his details. You're free of him being able to contact you now and in time, you'll be free of thinking of him too.

Yes to putting in place some very firm boundaries. Remember this time and how you felt and vow to yourself not to put yourself there again. When you meet somebody you like, really take the time to establish their ability to give you what you need - before it goes anywhere at all.

I really wish you well.

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Justtheonequestion, you disgust me. How you can say that too or about any woman just shows the lacking person that you are. LyndaLaHughes is another one. Karma doesn't exist - or do you think that a cheated on spouse has also done something to deserve it - or somebody whose boiler breaks down? Only stupid people believe in karma and bleat on endlessly about it.

But thats why hes with you-to ejaculate into. Nothing more.

Internalised misogyny. Poster sees herself as some sort of 'madonna.' OW are 'whores'. Sex is for men, not for women to enjoy. It's archaic and severely depressing.

I think this affair is a terrible idea for everyone involved and will cause only pain. But OP is a flawed human being like any other and doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. Honestly, who do you all think you are?

Maybe you are boring or simply just easy? Explains why all men get bored of you.

Maybe stop sleeping with married men and have some self respect.

Op you aren't good enough. You're very much a bad witch atm. No matter how sad you feel, self pity doesn't change that.

"I'm not sure what I should say about the wife. I don't know her and I don't really think about it"

That statement alone makes you sound selfish, and like you lack empathy and morals. A lot of men will choose a partner, based on not just how attractive and fun she is, but what sort of a mother/wife she'll make, what she'll teach the dc. If she'll look after him when he's ill or not. Is she likely to cheat? Etc.

I can see how men find you fun to be with, at the start, but then red flags and alarm bells send them running. You don't sound very nice? I'm sorry for being blunt, but you don't. Could you try, just for once, to put yourself in one of these blokes shoes? Imagine really liking someone and starting to fall for them, then they casualy mention a past affair, and don't see anything at all wrong with their behaviour at the time. Or one of their close relatives or friends gets cheated on, and they seem baffled by her "over-reaction". Would you see them in a different light?

I honestly think you should take a break from dating. Six months to work on you, and to work out what you actually want in a man. Don't go with just anyone, like this arsehole you're sleeping with atm, for the sake of it.

WickedLazy, is the wife 'not good enough' either then? She was obviously so lacking herself that this man had to find another companion...

I can't believe the inanity of some of the posters on here. The man in question is the one who is partnered, he has the responsibility to stay faithful. He won't. Not can't - won't. Think about that before you hold the OP to account. She's posted for support and if you can't do that, then perhaps be relevant?

Absolutely agree with LeavingLasVegasForGood. There's a definite stench of 'Madonna wives' here. I do hope their husbands' morals and standards can be upheld to that brag-level from their smug and insecure wives.

The definition of good I mean below! The wife may be "bad", abusive, a cheat herself or whatever. She may not. But the op's behaviour here is bad?

Good

noun

1. That which is morally right; righteousness.

"a mysterious balance of good and evil"

synonyms: virtue,righteousness,

Op you're worried about being caught and your rep, but not how this woman feels. Do you ever even think about how he feels? Do you worry about him or care about his health and well being, how this is whole situation is impacting his mental health?

I'm happily single by the way, with a long term (also single) fuck buddy. Not a Madonna or a whore, but I do have morals and principles.

We all have those, WickedLazy, you're not special there. We all though have things that we would do or wouldn't do given our own circumstances and experiences.

What none of us is though is perfect.

Do you worry about him or care about his health and well being, how this is whole situation is impacting his mental health?

@WickedLazy that's the most ridiculous thing I've read on this thread! Why on earth should I be concerned about his feelings?! He hasn't ever tried to stop this by the way, only said I couldn't message at weekends in case his wife caught him out. He's never expressed any remorse or guilt whatsoever.

Op you aren't good enough. You're very much a bad witch atm. No matter how sad you feel, self pity doesn't change that

Nice. Such a helpful thing to say to someone with low self-esteem- you just aren't good enough. Well then nor are any wives or partners who get cheated on. Otherwise surely their husbands would not stray. There is a grade A wanker in all of this, yet the woman gets all the blame, with the obligatory 'obviously I blame him too' dismissals.

Do you ever even think about how he feels? Do you worry about him or care about his health and well being, how this is whole situation is impacting his mental health?

Lol, WHAT? I would have thought typo but you went on to say him three more times. Yeah, must be awful and exhausting conducting an affair and lying to your wife. My heart would bleed for him too.

Touchoffree

So he doesn't care about you either? After sex, do you cuddle, talk, do things together, even just eating shit and watching a movie? Do you realise his wife probably does care about him? And that could be a big reason he's pulling away from you now, at her request? He has much more to loose, loosing her than you.

So most affairs ARE just fucking?

That's it? The op is just totally selfish and sad her ego boost has lost interest? It can only be a physical ego boost though, if it's just about feeling attractive.

That's my badly made point op, do you not want more? Someone who actually cares about you? Which means caring about them in return?

It's odd that you don't care a jot about his feelings or welfare yet are upset that he doesn't seem to care about you. What is the point in any of this then if neither of you care about each other? I abhor all cheating but at least if the couple involved actually have feelings for each other then it is some kind of explanation for the affair. What on earth is the point of this?

Leaving not at all. But thats why men have affairs whether the mistress likes the sex or not.
I never used or would use the word whore for any woman, ever.

Married men are the lowest of low hanging fruit. They are literally ripe for the picking.

It should be the opposite, right?

Honestly, as a single woman..set your sights higher.