Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

[touchoffree]

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

30 is young (oh to be 30 again)
You are worth more than some cheating cockwomble, his wife is also worth more too.

Have you tried counselling? As much as you keep saying how you're "normal" etc it seems like you need attention from males to validate your self worth, this could be a reason why past relationships haven't worked, you might not be boring etc but this and your need for attention isn't healthy or an attractive quality.

It's hard to have any sympathy when you seem to have no empathy at all for the other woman, you don't even want him but happy to be the OW for some attention, until you've done a hell of a lot of work on yourself you don't really deserve/ seem mature enough even at 30 to be getting in to any type of relationship with anyone.

@Whatstobedone Harsh!! Okay she shouldn't be sleeping with a married man but that is an awful and unhelpful thing to say. You don't know the OP personally so how on Earth can you make such a vicious snap judgement like that? Just plain nasty.

“ I know that they no longer sleep in the same room”

You know this how? Did he tell you?

Married Men by definition are not good for your self esteem. By definition they put you low priority, beneath another woman.

And he’s quite the charmer, isn’t he? Turned his wife ‘s life to a turmoil of (accurate) suspicion of betrayal, put you firmly in your ‘non texting ‘ place and let you know that a relationship in which he allegedly sleeps on another room is more important than you.

These men do that, however hard they pursue you.

And as you are discovering, it is a downward spiral in terms of your feelings about yourself.

Please, please get counselling before you even go on another date. Learn to value yourself.

He is the one with responsibility towards his marriage, you have a responsibility to yourself. Get support to look after yourself to the level to which you deserve.

Dump this man, dig for your dignity and look after yourself.

@GreenMeerkat yep harsh but true! Why can she shag a few times and it's great but can't keep a married mad interest?

the novelty wears off because you're boring! A few shags you're good for, but no match for them in terms of social skills etc!

Oh, lovely. Do you give out such pearls of wisdom to women in other types of unhealthy relationships too? She clearly has low self-esteem and feels rubbish about herself. I am sure she has had these very thoughts herself and you go and rub salt in the wounds.
OP, I would second counselling. Also, remember that being in a couple is not some prize or the be all and end all. Your boyfriend's wife is in a couple after all, and look at the shit that's going on there.

@Whatstobedone you have no idea whether it's true or not.

I'm pretty sure they don't sleep in the same room as he would often Skype me before bed (from his bed). But I'm aware he could be lying to me as he's obviously good at it.

yep harsh but true! Why can she shag a few times and it's great but can't keep a married mad interest?

Oh fuck off. A married man is hardly the best example of someone who is going to be interested in commitment or a long term relationship is he? I mean, think about it.

Wow! Skyping from his bed with his wife in the house? Twins!

Twunt! Not twins - although, who knows- maybe he had a set of twins on the go too? Sounds like he is enough of a test to be seeing multiple women .

@GreenMeerkat unlike the OP KNOWS THEY SLEEP IN SEPARATE BEDS?

Yeah right they do.....

This man ain’t yours so back the fuck away and find your own bloke.

You say you aren’t boring but you clearly have issues.

Sort your head out by way of counselling, self therapy books, speaking to a friend etc and then move on

You should be ashamed of yourself going with a married man that’s not yours for the taking.

You sound very selfish and immature op.

OP, I've been where you are. A decade ago and looking back now makes me feel sick. Being with someone married makes you feel like you're protecting yourself because you say you don't want anything other than fun and sex. It's a huge ego boost that they think you're worth risking so much for.

I would have totally said I was normal and it was fun. But looking back I was kidding myself, I was stopping myself finding a real relationship (because like you I felt like that was something I was bad at so I took what I thought I was worth), and risking causing life changing hurt to someone who didn't deserve any of it.

Just end it, because the only person benefiting is someone you'll realise was a total dick, and you're stopping yourself having a much better life the longer you let it go on!

Don't waste your life on this no hoper you tell him you are bored of him and move on and look to the future. You are young and have much time to meet the one. No more looking back only forward. You are worth more than this please aim higher.

Wrong place for this OP as the OW.I'm sorry for you,it's hard to be alone and when desperation kicks in, you've made a poor choice. I don't hold with the home wrecker scenario. Who is wrecking the home? Presumably the cheating spouse who made the vows not you. If you hadn't come along,it would be someone else. You're worth more. I speak as someone who was cheated on..I didnt have all the hatred for the OW. It was my husband who cheated!! He'd told her lies and damn convincing ones, she believed him. Have some counselling and set the bar higher next time.

Oh OP, what was going to be the fairy tale ending to an affair with a married man? How was it going to make you happy?

Move on, and find someone who has time for a real relationship, someone who isn't basing all their contact with you on lies. Find someone available who wants a real relationship. And do no harm.

That man is taken.

What, Skyping as in talking to you, with his wife reading her bedtime novel elsewhere in the house?

And they live such seperate lives that he now has to stop all texting at weekends?

The problem lies within you.

Seek therapy to understand what it is about you.

Do the men say they get bored or is that your guess?

And I've suggested to MM in affairs to say wife is suspicious when they want to end affairs with no drama.

You know he could be Skyping from the spare room while his wife sleeps. Of course he tells you the relationship is bad. It's cheating 101. Did he also say his wife doesn't understand him? Or his wife is more like a flat mate and the relationships has been over for a while?

OP - at 30 you are in your prime, you don't need a jaded married man.

I don't care what anyone says - anyone your age who can't find a decent, kind and fun man, (even if it doesn't end up very longterm or lifelong), IS boring. They just think they're not.

No interests and not particularly interesting, no hobbies, sit waiting for life instead of at a youngish age, going out there and living.

I wonder what you do to meet a man? Hopefully not just grafted to your chair trawling through Tinder or dating sites.

You just sound a bit one dimensional from your post. Do you have a hobby or social life?

Make a list of things you'd like to do. & then do them. Hopefully you'll find your soulmate along the way

@MistressDeeCee have you read the full thread or just the first post?