Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

[touchoffree]

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

My word , hitler had that thinking except applied to Jews rather than gender. I expect that will be fourth wave of feminism, a total genocide of the male race?

Aaaaand that's Godwin's

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe that’s unfortunately what happens when you post a forum , regardless of the nature there will always be some negative comments . The majority I think you will find have suggested counselling , working on self esteem and blocking the husband.

I think you have taken the posts too personal , you have told posters that they feel “threatened” and have said some quite spiteful things yourself so clearly you don’t backspace out ! Perhaps you feel protective of the op as you feel in some way that the negative comments perhaps apply to you (because you too were once a OW as you admitted in earlier posts).

Also @lyingwitchinthewadrobe I don’t have a husband or significant other , so I don’t need to police anybody . I did mention that in a response to you but it seems “you just didn’t get that “ 🙄

I don't need to explain anything to a stranger on the internet.

Why can't both individuals be equally responsible, the married person and the unmarried one?

And what's all this women centring about? Someone's read too many self help books!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe @jeaux90

Fuckit, you really don't get it. Keep your husband from jumping into bed with other women, stop him from breaking his vows to you... oh wait - HE is in control of that, isn't he? Guess what - he doesn't care. No married person who cheats, cares for their spouse because if they did, they wouldn't cheat.

Stop making other women responsible for what your husband does. Get him a cage if that makes you feel more secure - but it's HIM you need to police (if you must).

If I had a friend who was cheating on her husband I would support her because she is my friend.

Quick question for you both - what if the ow was a friend of yours????

This is a very unpleasant thread. Especially the poster comparing the OW to a victim of rape. Whatever the circumstances, the OW has consented to her relationship with a MM, she's not been forced. Comparing her to a rape victim is very offensive (speaking as a victim).

So if a married woman has an affair with a single man, would you be equally keen to exonerate her lover from all blame? Or is a woman by definition always innocent?

In this case, I think the strong reactions on here are because the OP was only concerned about herself not the betrayed wife, who was becoming suspicious. She just doesn't seem to care, and that's very off-putting.

You've both said the below statements and much more about how women should not be to blame for any affair/infidelity.

But I'm really interested to know your views on if the ow in question was a friend of yours....or even a family member?

Because you see this a lot....your mate snagging your husband behind your back. Do your views still apply here?

Why can't both individuals be equally responsible, the married person and the unmarried one?

Because the married person is making a voluntary choice to have sex with another person.

The married person is the person who has taken the vows and it is their responsiblity.

The unmarried person may not even believe in monogamy or fidelity.
Why should a person who does not believe in monogamy or fidelity be responsible for the actions of an autonomous adult?

I'm married but I find the idea that others are responsible for who I should choose to sleep with offensive.

Fuckit, I'd hoped that you'd realise that I was using a general 'you' and not pinpointing it at you specifically but, no matter.

I've responded in kind to the spiteful posters, putting the boot on the other foot instead of kicking them with it though. Bit nuanced maybe but no, this isn't a thread that I wanted to backspace out of. I've tried to actually support the OP which is the mandate of the board, isn't it?

sissy, If the OW was a friend of mine? I have friends who may have been OW, I don't know, I don't pry. The OW of my ex-partner, she is a very nice woman and whilst I didn't know her before, I do now.

Relationships are really not black and white and I think the majority of the issues come from the proprietorial behaviour that women try to exert to protect what's 'theirs'. A person is not own-able, ever. They either choose to be faithful or they don't. Somebody who has made no commitment to you (general, before I get questioned about it again) cannot be held accountable to you.

specially the poster comparing the OW to a victim of rape. Whatever the circumstances, the OW has consented to her relationship with a MM, she's not been forced

I don't think it was well chosen but I don't think that was the comparison that poster was making.

I think the comparison relatd to the man in both cases not the OW/victim - ie. that a man himself is completely responsible for his sexual actions - a woman whether consenting or not consenting cannot and should not be held responsible. At least that's how I read it.

There's nothing to explain, no matter the circumstances you're all the same.

It's fine to fall out of love, meet someone you fancy/gain a connection with. But there's always such a rush to start something up! Whether male or female, just finish with your current partner before moving onto the next.. yes you might be more well suited or happier with them and live happily ever after (genuinely) but just end the last one first!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe i just think if a close family member or best friend was shagging your husband behind your back then the views that you have wouldn't stand.

No doubt you would say 'oh well she's better suited to him' 'she's a nice woman' but deep down....that would be a load of bollocks.

Goodness me, Lizzie, lots of people on Mumsnet say 'they care'. It's words. It might be true or it might not, but it's just words.

An OW/OM does not have regard for the spouse of their affair partner, why would they? The affair partner doesn't have the regard, the respect, the ability to keep it for their spouse. You're asking an awful lot. I would say that most affair partners do not think of the other's spouse because whatever the reasoning for their affair, the spouse is irrelevant to it. Gently, but if the spouses were in anybody's minds, the affair wouldn't be happening, would it?

The OP posted because she was feeling 'like shit'. That's a valid feeling, she feels that way. Is she doing a good thing? No, she's not. Is it helping her in any way to carry on with this relationship? No, not one bit. OP has reflected and decided to end the relationship. Good for her. That's a result, for her. On this thread, it's just the OP that matters really. If you (general, sheesh), want an academic discussion on the rights and wrongs then maybe start another thread within guidelines. I probably wouldn't even bother to click on it, nevermind backspace out of it as I'm not going to police other women on what they do. I'm just not, I hate that.

sissy, I might well be disgusted at both of them but I can assure you that my vitriol would be at my husband and I would leave. No question of it.

It hasn't happened so I can't say what I would or wouldn't feel - and it sounds as if you have your mind made up about what I would and wouldn't feel anyway so what's the point?

You have your views, I have mine. The difference is that I'm not dismissive of yours.

Lol as I'm not going to police other women on what they do. I'm just not, I hate that. but anyone that posts on this thread to advise that the OP has acted immorally , you’ll police that and blame it all on misogynist thinking ?

*@CheersMedea

The unmarried person may not even believe in monogamy or fidelity.
Why should a person who does not believe in monogamy or fidelity be responsible for the actions of an autonomous adult?
*
That may be true, but the hurt caused by affairs can be really horrible and she would know that. Children can also be damaged. Whatever the OW believes about monogamy isn't relevant, she's still been party to a whole lot of hurt.

There are sites for swingers, for people who don't believe in monogamy or fidelity.

By the way, I did get the comparison with rape. I just found it very insulting. *
*

@Pipedown1 I will though say this. You have your experience and I have mine. The difference is that I'm not saying that my experience means yours is invalid.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe no the difference is I have morals.

That's good, sissy, I do too. :)

Fuckit, where did I do that? I remember pulling up the name calling but posters telling the OP that she's doing the wrong thing? Nope, she is/was - and knew that herself.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

True, it's just words to say you care. I'm just saying that it's the reason why there have been the responses there have been. For someone who has been betrayed it would cause a reaction, rightly or wrongly.

There's also concern for the children who get caught up in the crossfire.

Like it or not, this subject causes a lot of anger, and that will be expressed on a thread like this. Because posters express what they actually think, so women who post a thread like this must know what to expect.

My only personal objection has been the comparison with rape. Because there is no comparison.

It's interesting that criticism of OWs is viewed as misogyny but I have seen some of the most appalling misogyny come from OWs, directed at their affair partners wives. - 'she's let herself go since she had kids, if she kept him happy he wouldn't have come to me, she's evil/ insane/ frigid/ money grabbing,' assisting in hiding assets from first wife/kids. Helping to screw over another woman is one of the least feminist things you can do but is defended in the name of feminism. Bizarre.

Op are you coming back?

And Pipedown I posted before your latest post - predictable or what?