Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

[touchoffree]

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

@Wildlingofthewest exactly!

CheersMedea yes, you are spot on aren't men clever. They've managed to get themselves centred in everything. Even when they cheat.

@jeaux90 so, you’ll always side with a woman - even if she’s in the wrong? Just because she’s a woman?

You must see how ridiculous that is?

It is a stroke of brilliance by men that they have managed to organise society so that when a married man cheats on his wife, his wife and other women instead of blaming him for his actions and requiring him to take responsiblity, blame the OW.

Rubbish. No one is blaming the OW, they are blaming them both. And that works equally if it’s a wife and an OM. I would have nothing to do with anyone who thinks either side is OK.

Wilding but that is exactly what liberal feminism is. (Third wave) A pile of shite designed to centre the individual so that it's ok for men to go to strip clubs and use prostitution.

It's why I told OP to read a book about feminism (a second wave one) and get her self esteem up.

Most of our problems are down to us centering men and then blaming us for their mistakes and getting us to turn on each other. Misogyny rule number 1.

Anyway I'm back off to the feminism chat page now

@Wildlingofthewest exactly! It really doesn't matter what the circumstances are - if you (not gender specific) choose to sleep with someone who is 'taken' then you are 100% responsible for any hurt it causes to others. Wether it be a one night stand or a full blown affair. If you know the circumstances of the other person then shag them anyway....it just makes my blood boil how some people actually think this is ok and feel no remorse. You just have to hope that karma does it's job and these people feel the hurt one day.

My ex cheated when I was pregnant. He's a massive dick. The person he slept with was well aware of me and also that I was pregnant....she is also a massive dick.

The end.

What did you expect getting together with a married man who very obviously will never commit to you and is using you? Do you not feel bad, even a little bit, for his wife?

Wilding you can be into liberal feminism if you like and bang on about equality but there is no equality until women centre themselves. And yes, I will always put women before men because men have enough privilege and centuries of being so. They can sort their own problems out.

Yes, jeaux the internalised misogyny is shocking. And so depressing that women can't see it when it's pointed out and explained. I just have to hope that the more often these things are said the more they will seep through the layers of misogynistic thinking that have built up over millennia.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I name changed to post on this thread to avoid the fact that I've been an OW being dragged up by people advanced searching me but yes, it was well over a year ago. At that point my now DP had said he was going to leave his wife and he and I were very low contact. He left over a year ago and we are very happy in our relationship. My affair didn't match Sandy's description either. Nor did it conform to all the other 'facts' regularly quoted about affairs.

@jeaux90 yes if I were you I would flounce away from the discussion too.
Let’s just ignore a person’s actual actions and focus totally on the gender. My word , hitler had that thinking except applied to Jews rather than gender. I expect that will be fourth wave of feminism, a total genocide of the male race?

Feminism is a load of bollocks then isn’t it

Your literally saying that as far as you are concerned women can do anything they want and dont have to take any responsibility for their actions?

Get a grip

Costa, did your now dp develop feelings/attraction for you whilst married and decide he was very unhappy with his wife so made sure he left her before he took any feelings for you forward? Is that what you mean by it was different?

OP he's had the chase satisfied his ego and now he's lost interest or scared his wife has found out. Either way he's no longer in it. He will prob do the same thing to her again if he hasn't before you. Ask yrself if u really want to be with a man who could potentially do this to you too? Learn lessons from this and don't go out with a married man again no matter how much he chases you. He's a dickhead/brain in pants.

Your literally saying that as far as you are concerned women can do anything they want and dont have to take any responsibility for their actions?

No she isn't and I am not saying that either.

The point is that it is not the OW's responsiblity at all.

An adult man who is married wants to sleep with a single woman.

Why is it her responsibility to police his actions?

He is an autonomous adult and he can do what the hell he likes. He is the person who is married and he is the person with the sole responsibility to his wife.

Is @jeaux90 basically saying it's ok for women to play apart in cheating/affairs/unfaithfulness but for men it's the opposite?! Seriously.....

Women who are unfaithful - oh it's ok, you are a woman, you can do what you like.....

Men who are unfaithful - cheating c**t

Im all for women's rights and all that. But that is just an absolutely ridiculous way of thinking

men have enough privilege and centuries of being so This with bells on!!

It took me till my 6th decade to realise this truth. Till then I was all for 'equality' then I looked back on my life and realised that, as jeaux put it so well, there is no equality until women centre themselves.

She should police her own actions! Sleeping with a married person - man or woman - is wrong!!! Doesn’t matter that she’s a single woman - knowingly banging a married person is fundamentally wrong and shit behaviour.

You don’t get to do whatever you like and not have to deal with the consequences just because you have a pair of Fallopian tubes

No, Pipedown that's not what I mean (and I reckon you were pretty sure of that before you posted) but I'm not going to be drawn into sharing anything more about it on this thread you'll have to find someone else to kick thanks all the same.

Eh?
Are you got real?
I’m not trying to kick you down

Your trying to use gender to justify horrible behaviour

That doesn’t fly with me

I don’t care if your man, woman or a sodding cyborg - you can’t go around doing whatever you want and to hell with the consequences and then pass it off as your right as a woman

@cheersmeda
Why is it her responsibility to police his actions?

No one is saying she should police him, but my gosh she can police her own actions and keep her own council fgs. There’s a basic right and wrong here that issues of gender and feminism are conveniently being used as some kind of excuse for doing anything immoral. The world doesn’t work like that. You behave like shit then you get shit back , be you male or female.

Your trying to use gender to justify horrible behaviour

No Wilding nobody's doing that, but I understand that you're just not getting it.

It’s like the OW want to blame the system for their own behaviours be it past or present . Guess what , you are in control of your own destiny and should sail your own ship.
You don’t jump into bed with someone who is married because years ago and blame it on years of female oppression. Take some accountably for heavens sake.

Costa, I thought you had n/c, pretty understandable really. There aren't many OW who are robust enough to post on these threads so few and far between. Some people always like to pontificate about affairs without knowing anything much about them.

I'm really pleased for you that it worked out. My partner cheated on me years ago and his now partner was the OW; they're more suited than he and I ever were and whether she was there or not, we were better off apart.

This thread is just being used by some to really kick somebody when they're down and it's pathetic. How difficult is it to grimace and back space out when you don't like what's being said? That's what I do many, many times.

Fuckit, you really don't get it. Keep your husband from jumping into bed with other women, stop him from breaking his vows to you... oh wait - HE is in control of that, isn't he? Guess what - he doesn't care. No married person who cheats, cares for their spouse because if they did, they wouldn't cheat.

Stop making other women responsible for what your husband does. Get him a cage if that makes you feel more secure - but it's HIM you need to police (if you must).

costa i just wanted to be sure because unless that was the case (he finished his business with his wife before moving on) then there is no other circumstances that make it ok. He had his next squeeze lined up before he was ended with his last one.

My father was like that, he needed another lined up before he moved on from the last one.

I could never be fully trusting of a man who over laps women because, no matter how shit the marriage is, he should be focused on ending it properly before he goes onto the next. In the back of my mind I'd always think "well he done it once, he loved her once enough to marry her, so he could do it again.."