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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me stop being a bitch :(

170 replies

BirthdayKake · 13/07/2018 18:33

Probably shouldn't be writing this, because I'm very sensitive and don't want to get hammered! But I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has managed to turn things around?

My fiancé is really quite something - honestly he'd be snapped up if he was single. But he just gets on my nerves so much! Every little thing annoys me sometimes. I snap and bitch at him so much, and I want to stop.

Anyone? :(

OP posts:
Joysmum · 14/07/2018 11:52

Love is as love does.

Whatever your background and reasons, you aren’t treating him with love and respect.

Plenty of people stay with people who treat them badly, doesn’t mean that’s all they deserve.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/07/2018 12:02

Why on earth are you getting married to someone you don't actually like very much?
Let alone thinking of TTC! You're stressed enough that you're on here ranting about it but you're thinking of adding the greatest stress and responsibility of all to the mix.
And all this is after 20 months. You should still be in the honeymoon stage of your relationship.
I'm by saying that doesn't mean everything is kittens and rainbows 24/7 but just think how much worse this will be in another 20 months. Another 5 years. Another 10 years. Another 50 years.

DistanceCall · 14/07/2018 12:12

Do you actually like him? Are you attracted to him (you know - being excited about seeing him, feeling weak in the knees sometimes when you see him, being aroused when he touches or looks at you, that sort of thing).

Because it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like he ticks many boxes in your "Suitable husband" list, and you're trying to make do with him. Which really isn't fair on him. If you aren't attracted to someone when you marry them, it's going to be shit later, no doubt about that.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 14/07/2018 12:14

I actually think you are a bitch. How dare you look down on a man who has taken you and four kids on. Your “better education” has just made you into a vile person who thinks they’re better than others. God, I hope he wakes up to who you are before he marries you.

spudlet7 · 14/07/2018 12:31

I heard somewhere that when we have low self-esteem ourselves, it can make us look down on those who show us love and care - because we think if they love us then they must have something wrong with them and are therefore not worthy of our respect. That makes a lot of sense to me. If you were in an abusive relationship previously then low self-esteem doesn't seem too unlikely.

My mother is hyper-critical and I realised not long ago that I've inherited this quality. I definitely try to voice any criticisms I have of my husband much less and in turn, I find I think the thoughts a bit less too. Fake it til you make it, as a pp pointed out. Another thing I find is useful when he gets on my nerves is to think of something nice about him, for example how hard he works on our business, our house, etc. It often makes me feel a bit soppy about him or at the very least 'neutralises' the negative thoughts I'm having.

And I agree with a pp, occasionally behaving like a bitch and wanting to change is not the same as actually being a bitch. And calling yourself one won't help Thanks

lifebegins50 · 14/07/2018 12:46

You are planning to marry this man yet it has divorce written all over it.

Don't assume you will do ok out of divorce as it will be a short marriage and even with a child you will need to support yourself.
Since the wedding is so close I doubt you will pull out but I really suggest you work on yourself.

Do you put people on pedestals and then devalue them after a while?? Be honest with yourself, did you chose him because you thought he would adore you whatever your behaviour?

If your irritation is constant, so not hormonal then either he isn't right for you or you are the problem.

I can't get over you having 4 children and rushing a wedding...seems so rushed.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/07/2018 13:04

I also think this is incredibly rushed with 4 children, a previously abusive relationship and only having been together for 20 months. Is there a reason you've plunged into all of this so headfirst apart from the money?

I also want you to think long and hard about how you'd feel if the boot was on the other foot. Imagine reading this thread and hearing about how you constantly piss off your other half. you're not being fair to him or kind to him. If you care about him at all I really think you need to take a step back from all your lifelong commitment plans.

blueangel1 · 14/07/2018 13:11

The other thing that strikes me in all this is that you seem to struggle with putting yourself in another person's shoes. You've said that you would hate it if someone looked down on you, but you look down on the person you're going to marry soon. If you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes, you are always going to have problems with relationships.

OddS0ck · 14/07/2018 13:53

If your partner were my son and I saw him being treated like this by you and heard him being spoken about like this by you, I'd be very, very strongly advising him to leave the relationship. And I'm far from being an interfering mother.

I'd be very concerned too, about why he was staying in a relationship with a woman who sounds almost contemptuous of him. What had gone wrong that he put up with being treated like that?

You really do come across as thinking you are better than him. You may say that you don't but how you write about him shows you do. "He can't paint, bless him". How patronising. "She can't cook, bless her" - how does that sound. Patronising and sexist.

You're rushing into this. You and your 4 children need time alone, not the upheaval of a new partner a wedding and a new child in such a short amount of time.

You don't really mention the children or the relationship between your partner and the children.

If he was my son I would be worried that you see him mostly as potential financial security, despite the thousands you have put into the home. BTW if you have really put thousands into the home without protecting it, you have been very foolish indeed.

I know how hard it is to recover from an abusive relationship. The fear and anxiety, wondering how the hell you ever got into that position, the fucked up thinking during and afterwards. You need time and space to recover. You don't need to hurtle into a new relationship and this time scale is hurtling.

Do you feel safer regarding your abusive ex because you have a man in your life? Is that partly what is driving this. You've been through such a frightening, terrifying experience that having a man-as-protector brings you some security even if his chewing drives you mad. I could be way off the mark, but I've seen it happen before.

I really don't think you should go ahead with this marriage, you need to look after yourself and much more importantly, your children, who you hardly mention. I don't think you'll listen to me or anyone else here sadly.

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:10

I'm always excited to see him. He does arouse me sometimes but not nearly as much as I like but that's my fault not him (a side effect of being forced into sex by my ex husband multiple times).

OP posts:
BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:12

I haven't mentioned my children because the thread isn't really about them. What do you want to know?

OP posts:
PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/07/2018 14:17

Let him go OP. It’s obvious that that you don’t respect him as an equal or indeed like him very much. Let him find some happiness with someone who actually loves him for who he is. He clearly doesn’t tick many of your boxes and the poor bastard is just going to be criticised and looked down upon until every ounce of his self esteem is gone. You sound awful frankly.

lola212121 · 14/07/2018 14:17

If you don't want him , I will have him Smilehe sounds like a nice guy . I was I an abusive relationship and I have been single for 4 years , you should have worked on yourself before getting into a new relationship now you have dragged your partner into your problems and are having a go at him . This really is your fault and you need to treat him better or let the poor guy go .

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:23

I am quite awful, I agree

Yeh you're right Lola. And he really is a nice guy. He's just got back from work, doing overtime to help pay for our wedding :( I'm determined to make things better today

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 14/07/2018 14:38

(Also you bang on about how much more intelligent you are and how you had a much better education yet you spell “yeah” as “yeh”.

I think if you were a better person you’d stop using him as a cash cow and let him find someone who isn’t irritated by something as small as the noise he makes when he drinks.

You are awful to him.

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:41

I never said I was highly intelligent or anything tbf

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 14/07/2018 14:46

No, just that you think you’re better than him (even if you haven’t actually said those words exactly it’s incredibly clear) which is fucking awful. You won’t make him a good wife. You’ll grind him down and make him miserable, use him for financial stability and generally abuse him. Poor, poor man.

Bombardier25966 · 14/07/2018 14:50

You make me miserable just reading about the way you treat him, I can only imagine how he feels.

Also you keep going on about how much you contribute financially. If this is the benefits you were boasting about that will be a joint claim. It's not your money, it's the households.

lola212121 · 14/07/2018 14:54

I feel upset for him too . Birthday kake, I hope this chat has made you more determined to treat him better , you do seem to cognitively appreciate him but you need to show him you appreciate him . If you can't show your appreciation please let him find someone who will .

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:55

It was inheritance I put towards the house, and I also receive DLA for my son. That is not a joint claim

OP posts:
sissy89 · 14/07/2018 14:56

I'm determined to make things better today

You are missing the point op. This isn't about today.
This is about the the rest of all your lives - your dcs included.

He may be home now and you may start being all nice and kind and caring. But how long is that going to last until the poor guy annoys you?

You shouldnt need to be making such an effort to be nice to him ffs. Again, you are getting married in a few weeks, you should both be on top of the world. Being nice and loving to him should come naturally. Not forced which is what you are doing.

We all need to work on our relationships - that's the only way they last. We all go through bad patches. But this isn't a bad patch.

Deep down you don't like this poor bloke. He has many qualities that your ex didn't and you automatically thought 'he'll do'.

You need counselling to work on yourself clearly. But not counselling for the relationship. End it. Have at least a couple of years to sort yourself out.

I can't figure out if

1: you are scared of being treated properly by someone due to how your ex cheated you. If this is the case then that's NOT an excuse to treat your dp like you do.

  1. You really do just think you are better than him.

Either way - you shouldn't be with him. Getting married will just add more trauma to yours and dcs life and ruin his.

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 14:56

Lola it has, trust me. I'm having to think constantly before I speak and learn to breathe but it has to work! He is fab

OP posts:
sissy89 · 14/07/2018 14:58

@BirthdayKake yes dla isn't a joint claim. You must have a child with some sort of disability like myself then. DLA should be used on that particular child - that's what it's there for.

BirthdayKake · 14/07/2018 15:02

I definitely didn't think "he'll do". I met several guys but they weren't right for me

OP posts:
SandyFagina · 14/07/2018 15:04

You're using him as a meal ticket.

Hopefully he'll get wise to it and kick you to the kerb.