Making her feel special?

[Cambshusband]

So, first post here so bear with.

Our happy (and exhausting) little lad is seven and we’re finally getting into a good place financially. We enjoy a good (if somewhat sporadic) sex life so no complaints there.

I’m conscious that the good lady hasn’t been treating herself over the last few years (and nor have I). So I need some help with ideas!

Being male I default to buying shoes and handbags, but it seems a bit naff as I approach my 40’s.

I was planning on getting a hotel for the weekend and arranging for a load of presents to be there on the bed ready when she gets there.

What’s people’s thoughts? Is it tacky? I’ve already ordered her some new shoes (Debenhams blue cross thank you very much, Kurt Geiger heels for £19 and Dune for £15) and a couple of dresses. Is lingerie just perceived as “I want sex tonight”? I want her to feel a bit special, not pressured to put out.

Look forward to hearing anyone’s thoughts

Oh my word. poor guy trying to do something nice and some folk can only find the negative

Good on you OP! I'd love someone to do this for me...yes even buying me clothes...I can clothes shop every day of the week myself but I am equally happy if someone bought me something they thought I would like...how folk can only find negative in that is beyond me. I think it is lovely you are putting so much thought and effort into this...makes a nice change to all the "cheating/texting other woman/ walking out" threads on here. Ignore all the miserable moaners.

From someone who has bigger things to worry about than the phrase "the good lady"

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Bloody hell......having some ishoos today perhaps....

I think it's a lovely idea!

I wouldn't personally like my husband to buy me clothes and shoes as we have very different tastes but I'd be thrilled with any of the following:

Perfume
Massage Voucher
Scented Candle
Lingerie
Chocolate
Tickets to a gig/comedy show etc

Hope you both have a lovely time 😊

For a treat me and DH go to a spa/hotel for the night, both have a treatment and just chill by the pool (so a new book would be a good call!) and then dinner. It's really nice sometimes to just get away and not have to worry (too much) about the children! Clothes etc would be lovely but DH is awful at buying me clothes so perhaps a shopping trip would be better.

I think she will be delighted with the shoes - you know your wife much better than we do.

Weekend break would be my choice - see if you can arrange with the owner or company a little suprise - like her fave toiletries/coffee/magazines/flowers.

Bloody hell......having some ishoos today perhaps....

No - why? You think a woman having an opinion about a woman having an opinion means I have issues? Weird.

I think she will be delighted with the shoes - you know your wife much better than we do

How do you know - you haven't seen them nor do you know her!

You know your wife, full stop. We have no clue whatseoever what she wants. Maybe she'd even like a plastic shark; I'm quite fond of it.

Tells, I think it's time to concede that if this was real life you'd probably a) never have spoken to OP in the first place and b) have seen the pointlessness of trying to reason with him quite some time ago.

Maybe she'd even like a plastic shark; I'm quite fond of it

I'd take a plastic shark over lingerie

Miserable mumsnet at it’s finest.

I would love lingerie.
I would love shoes
I would love clothes
I would love champagne
I would love a hotel room

You know your wife.

Maybe have a look on Notonthehighstreet.com

Depending on how much time you have before you go away, you can get some really lovely personalised bits. For me I really love quotes and have them all round the house. My partner always picks one up for me if he thinks it's something meaningful or something I'd like. Lots of lovely bits on there!

Maybe some flowers, wine, a little pampering treat like a massage at the hotel and a thoughtful present. All of which is more than I'd ever expect but would all be appreciated!

Or treat her to a nice romantic dinner somewhere.

I wouldn't personally like underwear bought for me but if that's something you know she'd like then go for it.

Ignore all the men haters. Some just can't be happy for others.

Your wife is a lucky lady x

Just don't buy her a hoover. That's the loving gift my auntie got from her husband once.

@mangoo - which is why I said "I'd" feel controlled and not "it's controlling".

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I’m going to roll with buying a spa day for her and her friends, Buyagift seem to have good offers on the bannatyne.

I’ll deliver the shoes and some other little bits to the spa the day before so they have something waiting for them. I’ll make a small hamper of bits for them all to share I think.

Definitely going to make the letter suggested, although maybe not give that to her with her friends there.

Lingerie definitely knocked on the head! Have bought a summer maxi dress for her which is what she always wears.

Excellent idea. How thoughtful of you. I hope she loves it!

No - why? You think a woman having an opinion about a woman having an opinion means I have issues? Weird.

No I don't think that...

Nice idea, OP. We can live with someone for years and years and know them inside-out, but sometimes we just need an 'outside' opinion to help boost the imagination juices!

I would love lingerie.
I would love shoes
I would love clothes
I would love champagne
I would love a hotel room

I'll have the champagne out of that lot and would cringe at the rest (well, do really good running socks count as clothes? If so, maybe).

I have to say that though DH does try, in fact DS is much better at presents I'll actually use - running gear, decent tea, a china jug, a glasses case, books, paintbrushes, a scarf. It's as if DH panics and thinks 'What do wives like?' rather than 'What might Lance like?'

Having said that, my favourite present recently was a long weekend away without any of the family, to do a hobby I hadn't done for years and remember who I used to be.

Oh, and his favourite present from the kids was a sort-of voucher system saying 'Two hours help cleaning the garage', 'One day free of grumbling' etc. That sort of thing would be something your DS could join in with?

Forgive the nativity, but DS? Isn’t that a Nintendo?

Son. Dear/darling or dratted, take your pick.

Don’t really see how liking clothes and shoes is cringey

Oh, I know it's odd, but trying on things someone else has chosen and not really liking how it looks while trying to keep any open mind in case it might grow on you... no thanks, not relaxing. Plus, shoes never fit. Universal rule of life here.

How about a nice poem.

I would love to be taken away to a hotel or spa for the weekend, or out to dinner somewhere nice (or to a play/concert etc.)

I wouldn't expect my husband to buy me clothes/shoes/a bag

• jewellery is different - and would much rather he took me shopping so we could choose them together. Thoughtful little presents now and again for no reason are lovely - it doesn't have to be loads of presents in one go.

Agree with others that feeling special is more about feeling loved, listened to and taken care of day to day, rather than big one-off events, but it sounds as if you're fine on that side of things.

OP, whilst a spa day for her and girlfriends is nice, you wanted to spend time with her and do some ‘CPD’ (I liked that, that made me giggle).
I think, from what you were saying, that your wife likes shoes and clothes, it’s a nice gesture. Discreetly tuck the receipts somewhere and give her the option to exchange/return ( she might feel she needs some linen trousers for instance, instead of another maxi dress. Just a thought).

Have you ever been to a comedy club? I only recently discovered that, I loved it! You can have dinner there, or you could go somewhere else?

Another thing would be some sort of activity together, just for fun: go ape, paddle boarding, cycle to the pub together, head and neck massage one day course? Just to be together.
Have fun!

Well this thread has had me howling! The minute I realised we had a male OP I was like 'oooo here we go' Men on here cannot do right for wrong!

I think the OP sounds great and his wife is lucky to have someone who appreciates her and wants to make her feel special.

I'm also NEVER ever going to be able to shop for a sofa without laughing my tits off!

Thanks OP youv brightened a miserable day!