Making her feel special?

[Cambshusband]

So, first post here so bear with.

Our happy (and exhausting) little lad is seven and we’re finally getting into a good place financially. We enjoy a good (if somewhat sporadic) sex life so no complaints there.

I’m conscious that the good lady hasn’t been treating herself over the last few years (and nor have I). So I need some help with ideas!

Being male I default to buying shoes and handbags, but it seems a bit naff as I approach my 40’s.

I was planning on getting a hotel for the weekend and arranging for a load of presents to be there on the bed ready when she gets there.

What’s people’s thoughts? Is it tacky? I’ve already ordered her some new shoes (Debenhams blue cross thank you very much, Kurt Geiger heels for £19 and Dune for £15) and a couple of dresses. Is lingerie just perceived as “I want sex tonight”? I want her to feel a bit special, not pressured to put out.

Look forward to hearing anyone’s thoughts

This sounds like a lovely idea. I would love if my partner was thoughtful enough to do something like this, love him to bits but sadly he has no imagination and needs a list!

The book is a great idea, a bit of 'me time' perhaps also with a nice scented candle and some luxury smellies. Would she appreciate something like a silk scarf? Perhaps to match one of the dresses? Chocolates are always a winner.

I hope she appreciates all of this as it sounds fab

@ravensmum

I didn’t say that at all? I said I was expecting some misandry, which is exactly what they had said would happen. I was agreeing with them!

Jesus fuck what is wrong with some posters on here. Men are damned on here if they don't show love/make their partners feel special etc and damned if they do. Are there really so many men haters out there. I can just imagine all of you sitting and glaring at your OH's of an evening

Anyway, op sounds perfectly fine what you're doing. I'm a book, chocolate, smellies woman so that's all I can contribute

OK, I don't watch TOWIE so I guess I am old-fashioned and missed the point when diamonds became tackier than hot heels. I'd love to get some. My last present was a solar-powered plastic dancing shark, though, and I don't think I'll get any diamonds any time soon. Fortunately the shark does cheer up my kitchen.

Breakfast in bed should be involved.

Oooh, now it makes sense

You sound lovely.
As an extra treat how about making up a 'voucher' book for some additional TLC for when you're back at home. Stuff like

• I'll pay for you to have a massage when it suits you
• takeaway and film of your choice

You get the gist. Not suggesting you don't do this already. But it's just a recognition and over and above.

Hotel, theatre/show, decent dinner all arranged logistically, babysitting arranged etc would be perfect.

I’d hate someone else buying me shoes and underwear as I’m incredibly fussy.
But if you know she will 100% like your taste then go for it.
The rest of it sounds fab. I’d love my DP to take me to a hotel and have a few little gifts like a scented candle, bubble bath and chocolates.

What is she interested in - include a visit to art gallery/ craft fair/ hill walk/ antique shop / good shops with hotel stay.
I wouldn’t wAnt DH to buy me clothes, nor shoes my favourite gift was lightweight , good quality binoculars.

ravenmum

Definitely not old fashioned. Appropriately sourced diamonds from a luxury jeweller would never be considered "tacky" by anyone I know, but then I don't know anyone who watches reality TV

I think the number of women saying no to underwear makes me think dont do it. I thought "well no I would hate that but maybe someone else wouldnt". I really dont feel I have good insight into what women want. But it seems very high risk. Its awful having underwear that doesnt quite fit right and most people are fussy about nice underwear. And obviously buying her cheap underwear for when the washing hasnt been done isnt a great gift....

@georgell you would make a great DH!

Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

I think it's a wonderful idea, and if it were me, I'd love some little luxuries that I wouldn't usually justify buying for myself. My favourite perfume, a luxury scented candle, etc.

I'm also pretty sentimental, so I'd love something that reminded me of where or how we met or where we got married.

This thread is choc full of the absolute shitheadery that gives MN it’s unfairly bad rep. Get a fucking handle on yourselves.

@CambsDad weekend in Rome. Arrange all babysitting. Arrange all travel to & from airport. Even get Speedy Boarding! My DH did this for me when DD was one and it was the best thing ever.

This thread is choc full of the absolute shitheadery that gives MN it’s unfairly bad rep. Get a fucking handle on yourselves

Lol @ mentioning that the good lady wife might have an opinion on her own clothes is total shitheadery. Brill.

I must be odd, I'd hate my partner buying shoes and clothes for me I'd feel controlled.

I completely agree with you @TellsEveryoneRealFacts but you’ve basically jumped in and torn the OP a new one

Fucking hell, man is trying to give his wife a nice surprise not get her a pocket Offred, jaysis

@VanGoughsDog but I don't see how it is controlling? It was a suggestion from the OP to treat his wife. We have no reason to suspect he regularly chooses what clothes she can wear (which would be controlling).

Considering buying your wife some nice clothes or shoes in a blue moon to make her feel special, although not everyone's cup of tea (mine included), is not at all controlling. Or at least I don't think so.. maybe it's just me!

@TERF

My wife does pick her own clothes, I pick mine, but when she rocks up occasionally with a new shirt for me because Joules are having a sale (our usual haunt) then I’m chuffed. It’s not like she buys ALL my clothes, that’s just ridiculous.

You seem to think I’m trying to make her some sort of trophy wife or something?

You seem to be struggling with the concept of “gift”. If she picks it herself, it’s not a gift, it’s just ticking off a shopping list.

Ps. I've been out shopping for myself and seen some nice t shirts etc... that I've thought DP would like and chucked them in with my stuff. I don't think I'm controlling him. I'm just thinking about him as my partner and what he might like.

Of course if he told me he didn't like it I would stop but he doesn't because he's quite happy to not have to shop himself

I think this is a super lovely idea. Definitely get some of her favourite snacks and a film you know she'll enjoy plus her favourite drink.

An evening of snacks, gin and rubbish films that I secretly like would do down a treat right about now.

Please ignore those saying negative things.

Get her a citizen watch. I love mine

I completely agree with you @TellsEveryoneRealFacts but you’ve basically jumped in and torn the OP a new one

I seem to remember that I responded to 'is it tacky'...

And when I said basically 'yes' I get told it is passive aggressive AND misandry.

Fuck that - if someone is asking for opinions and then calling answers - prompted within the original fucking post - misandry then too fucking right I am responding.

And then the pile in from all the ladies 'ooh I'd love it if' - yeah well perhaps you do like your husband choosing your clothes - some of us would find that extremely weird. It is a valid viewpoint to find that weird - as it is valid to point that out.

If a viewpoint of 'only respond if you agree with me' is required, perhaps the OP needs to be clearer in their opening gambit.

I think you sound like a lovely husband and I'd be delighted to get a surprise pile of gifts.

Hmmm...stuff mt husband has bought me that i like (often with a steer from me)
Dresses
Underwear (i do have favourite brand and he sticks to that)
Bikinis (ditto above)
Perfume
Cosmetics (i love anything from Benefit so often he gets me new stuff to try out)
Gel nails kit with extra colours
Gym kit
Dressing gown/nightie sets
Books
Dvd box sets
Champagne
Chocolate truffles
Fancy notebooks/pens
Fairy lights for the garden
New purse
Necklace/bracelet sets (Debenhams very good for this!)
Grow your own wacky vegetables kits

Things i have not liked:
Set of saucepans
Block of knives

@TERF

I’ve taken various views this morning, I’m obliged to listen to you, but I’m not bound to act in a fashion which you deem I should. You’ve also clearly ignored the posts I’ve made stating as such.

If the concept of me attempting to do something for her offends you so much, why not just leave the thread?

Saucepans?! Yeah, I wouldn’t buy those, id probably get hit with them, and rightly so!

I’ve taken various views this morning, I’m obliged to listen to you, but I’m not bound to act in a fashion which you deem I should. You’ve also clearly ignored the posts I’ve made stating as such.

Of course you are not bound, but to call it misandry for having an opinion that a woman might just have opinions about stuff...isn't misandry is it? It is not man-hating to point this out.