Making her feel special?

[Cambshusband]

So, first post here so bear with.

Our happy (and exhausting) little lad is seven and we’re finally getting into a good place financially. We enjoy a good (if somewhat sporadic) sex life so no complaints there.

I’m conscious that the good lady hasn’t been treating herself over the last few years (and nor have I). So I need some help with ideas!

Being male I default to buying shoes and handbags, but it seems a bit naff as I approach my 40’s.

I was planning on getting a hotel for the weekend and arranging for a load of presents to be there on the bed ready when she gets there.

What’s people’s thoughts? Is it tacky? I’ve already ordered her some new shoes (Debenhams blue cross thank you very much, Kurt Geiger heels for £19 and Dune for £15) and a couple of dresses. Is lingerie just perceived as “I want sex tonight”? I want her to feel a bit special, not pressured to put out.

Look forward to hearing anyone’s thoughts

OP you sound lovely and I would LOVE this idea (secretly hoping my emails are still synced to the joint ipad and DP might find email alerts to this thread)

You don't need to go mental on presents, but how about some small things, nice wine for the hotel room, fancy box of chocolates? Unlike others here apparently I really like getting (comfy) lingerie from DP, on the assumption that he's been looking forward to seeing me in it I don't find it offensive when DP finds me sexy...

@serendipity

Perfectly happy to take on board opinions, it’s already become apparent that “more is less” so I’ll dial it back a bit.

Constructive criticism is always welcome, it’s how we grow and evolve. Seething negativity is just a weed that needs removing.

Yes damn women - shut up and be positive about my manly opinions.

Cambshusband

Quality is always far better than quantity

God there are some people who can twist anything around aren't there.

Lovely idea OP. Personally I hate other people buying me clothes but you know your wife and if she would like it.

God there are some people who can twist anything around aren't there.

Of course there are - it is called having perspectives.

I would be overjoyed if someone did this for me at the moment strung out new Mum here! and I live in the vercinity of Cambs.

Are you my husband?

SPOILER: Although he is a good man and we have a good marriage, you’re not my husband mores the pity.

Oh and I just thought, book a hotel with a. Spa and buy treatments!

Apologies if this has already been mentioned but if your good lady is in to visiting castles/stately homes you could incorporate that in to the day.
You could make a picnic with her favourite food and drink (don't forget the blanket) and spend the day at a castle/home and the grounds. The weather is so nice at the moment and pretty much guaranteed to be dry at least. Maybe even put a little letter in for her to read reminding her of all the reasons you are in love with her or general appreciation type words.
Also, most of these sites have a gift shop of some description, you could finish the day by seeing if she'd like to choose anything, that way it's quality time and a present of her choice too.
That suggestion is of course, what I'd love. I love historical buildings and grounds but even if you don't, being outside in this weather is great.

Oh lighten up people! You don't know what ops relationship is like day to day.
My partner and I have a great relationship with all the normal ups and downs and sharing of mundane tasks. I'd still love to be treated for a weekend as well!!

Op I would love lots of little luxuries that I can go on enjoying day to day, fancy toiletries and face masks. A lovely expensive candle, something from hotel chocolat maybe

I think you've had a bit of a hard time from some posters.

I think it's lovely you want to do something special for your wife.

Of course you could say 'its the everyday things that count' but I'd be bloody lying if I said I would love my DP to whisk me away somewhere or get me an unexpected gift one time.

As for people saying she can buy her own clothes or to ask her what she wants, surely that takes away from the surprise of it which I'm assuming is what you want? Her to know you've thought about her and made an effort for her without being prompted?

I think it's a lovely idea and I'd second some of the other posters saying just a nice night out just us two or a day at a spa etc.. with maybe my favourite bottle of wine and some flowers thrown in too!

That would make me feel really special. We don't get much time alone with kids and DPs job so just having a break away just with him whether it be a full weekend or just a day would be so nice. Especially if it was unexpected and he'd arranged it on his own.

Good on you OP.

Wouldn't love*

Big box of bath bombs
Voucher for a hair cut/colour somewhere posh
Theatre tickets
A mix tape

I’m just listening what I would like just in case....

I like Cazavanna's idea about reminding her of all the reasons you love her. Do that do that!!

I'd be sobbing for days if my DP did that! Some people aren't always very open with the lovey dovey stuff (maybe you are I don't know) and I know it makes me beam if DP says something soppy unexpectedly.

@didimusstench

Er, if you’re my wife then the present is well and truly ruined!

@cazavanna

Ah, I’m liking the letter idea, that’s definitely going in the melting pot!

Sorry about all the joy hoovers on here OP.

I think it's a lovely idea. My DH did something similar for a special birthday, but with not as many presents.

We turned up at the hotel, he had wangled us an upgrade, the room had a lovely bouquet of flowers, bottle of champagne (not prosecco) and my favourite chocolates. That was more than enough.

We went for cocktails with the intention of having a lovely meal later, but left it too late and ended up buying snacks from a late night corner shop and having a midnight picnic on the bed. It was a spontaneous and fantastic night. Just thought it might be an idea not to plan your itinerary too rigidly and go with the flow?

I hope you both have a lovely time.

He wouldn’t have bought me shoes Cambs and we have 2 girls. Rest easy!

Ultimately she can buy her own shoes and what have you. I would go for something more experiential personally (tickets for a comedy night, gig, museum, theatre, kayaking, whatever). If shes into clothes and handbags then maybe she would appreciate those more. You know her best.

Someone buying me clothes or underwear would make me feel a bit insecure about my choices (why is someone picking things for me- dont i already have nice clothes, etc). I think its less of an issue with accessories though although still not my cup of tea. But thats personal.

Thanks mangoo.
I also think the suggestion of stuff that lasts longer than a day is good.
If you want to get presents maybe getting items that help you to unwind and relax would be good, bathbombs, decent bubble baths. The sort of stuff you can look forward to getting home to after a long day.
Obviously for some women bath additives can be nasty for the ol vagina so DO NOT buy her anything like that if there's a risk of that.
That would definitely last longer than a day.

Seriously, though, what's wrong with diamonds?!

I don’t want it to be slutty, but then I don’t want it to be plain Jane

Boak.

You lost me at mis-spelt misandry.

He lost me when he decided Shatnerswig was a woman accusing him of something or another! I don't get what - he was supporting him!

@ravensmum

She’d utterly kick me in the balls. It’s just not her, too expensive by far at a time when we’re doing ok, but not stupidly so.

She also think there a bit towie.