Making her feel special?

[Cambshusband]

So, first post here so bear with.

Our happy (and exhausting) little lad is seven and we’re finally getting into a good place financially. We enjoy a good (if somewhat sporadic) sex life so no complaints there.

I’m conscious that the good lady hasn’t been treating herself over the last few years (and nor have I). So I need some help with ideas!

Being male I default to buying shoes and handbags, but it seems a bit naff as I approach my 40’s.

I was planning on getting a hotel for the weekend and arranging for a load of presents to be there on the bed ready when she gets there.

What’s people’s thoughts? Is it tacky? I’ve already ordered her some new shoes (Debenhams blue cross thank you very much, Kurt Geiger heels for £19 and Dune for £15) and a couple of dresses. Is lingerie just perceived as “I want sex tonight”? I want her to feel a bit special, not pressured to put out.

Look forward to hearing anyone’s thoughts

Women are all different. Just like men. As you can see from this thread. We have no idea what your wife would like. NONE. Why would we? Because of our lady brains?

please, calm down

proper made me laugh with that, OP, thanks. Exactly, you need to impress her, not us, so you don’t need to be using easily misconstrued pet names in public trying to be funny .

You entrench yourself and project all you like, but if you fancy opening your mind up a wee bit try re-reading the positive suggestions I gave you. Just because they don’t fit in with the chocolates & lingerie cliché you seem to be wanting support for, doesn’t mean they’re negative.

Hope that your wife does feel appreciated and loved whatever you eventually decide upon, and not manipulated and objectified. Make it about her, not you.

Good advice thank you. She does get small gifts with certain frequency but due to finances since having our lad, they have all been reasonably small. I thought it would be nice to have that one-off spoilt rotten day, but moreover I would hate it to be misconstrued as some sort of show of machismo. It’s really not.

Shoes will potentially be sidelined into the garage until further notice. Although if anyone’s interested Debenhams were clearing out Kurt Geiger’s for £19 down from £99.....

I got my bf a copy of "Fever Pitch" as a surprise gift. He'd never read it, and is enjoying it, being a big football fan. I bet your wife would love that, too, OP.

Christ what a miserable bunch of women most of you lot are! I’m sure you’re the same people who will be telling women to get rid of husbands who never pull their weight and treat them and when a man comes on here wanting to do that then he’s just as bad?!

In response to the OP what you want to do is a lovely idea. I wouldn’t bother with any grand presents as just taking her away for the night is lovely. Just get her some little treats like chocolates, bottle of fizz maybe a nice bath bomb/oil if you book a room with a bath that you can both share and a nice meal out.

@emma 198

Thanks, really positive post. The shoes are only £19 if you drop into Debenhams in the blue cross sale. Down from £99 so I don’t think you’ll get in trouble!

I got a box from notonthehighstreet recently. It contained (I think) 30 envelopes with a note inside to read together. The note could be to book a theatre trip, go for a drive in a part of the country to be not visited before, play a board game, talk about favourite childhood memories, plan a holiday together etc. Some were naff, but the majority were fun and/or got us chatting and dreaming together without the tv on or a phone screen.
It's a bit contrived, but we've loved this box and how it's made us think about experiences we want to enjoy together. I'd recommend it.

@ Serendipity

I did read your more focused points, and, let’s be truthful, You were just a bit judgemental weren’t you. I took on board the bits you said. As I said earlier, I’m not looking for affirmation or cognitive bias. The input you gave was read and taken in board, but you just didn’t need to pile on the negativity. It’s just wasn’t needed.

Let’s draw a line in the sand, and have yourself a good weekend.

Voucher to a cocktail bar or high tea or other event that she would like to share with her friends (worth enough so she can treat them)

Something related to her hobbies

Box set for a series she has always wanted to see

That's the kind of thing I would like

I See a lot of jealous people :D Haha .. this is literally a man wanting to show his wife some love and appreciation and wanting ideas, If this is was a woman wanting advice on what to give her husband then no one would say a negative thing.

Btw as a woman i like:

Spa holidays with a nice restaurant.
Massages
shopping trips and food.

Oh I meant skip buying them for him 🙈🙈

It’s a nice idea but it is also a bit much. I would NOT like my husband to buy shoes or clothes. I would love shopping time! To wander around, try on this and that, no time pressure. I’d like to go by a book shop on the way and buy a book then when we got to the hotel have. Champagne and a bath and my book :)

I’m sure you’re the same people who will be telling women to get rid of husbands who never pull their weight and treat them and when a man comes on here wanting to do that then he’s just as bad?!

Literally don't know what your point is..of course women should get rid of men who don't pull their weight...why wouldn't they?

@emma198

He gets the hotel, you get the shoes, everyone’s a winner!

I'm 5 months pregnant, might treat myself to a nice pair of slippers instead!

Oh I love this!

OP if you wanted a few more gifts, maybe you could buy a nice foot lotion and make a little voucher for a 30-min foot massage or whatever she likes.

It's all so sweet though. I would be thrilled.

@tellseveryonenagativestuff

Didn’t your mother teach you that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?

There are some really ridiculous comments on this! If you want to treat your woman taking care of the childcare and jobs round the house is no good so ignore the posters saying this, that is what you should be doing anyway not considered as a treat to her thats just stupid!

I like your original idea in your first post and I'm sure she will love the quality time away plus the presents too.. best of both worlds! Could always buy her experiences for her and a friend like a spa day and habr that on the bed with the presents too!

Thats a really lovely idea and some people are just jealous their partners dont do things like this! Well done to you, needs to be more men like you around!

Tells, I think the idea is that "we" tell women their husbands should treat them and pull their weight - then along comes this gem of a husband who wants to choose his wife a dress and even does the housework, and "we" are still not happy! Haters one and all.

Our hate being expressed in the form of suggesting that she might perhaps like something different to what he thinks.

For me, planning and research together brings my DH and I much closer than if we spring surprises on each other.

There’s nothing better than settling down together in the evening and talking about our likes trying to come up with ideas.

If you receive a surprise, it’s a gift that on gives when you get it, when you plan together it’s an opportunity to learn more about each other and grow together.

Didn’t your mother teach you that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?

Why is it 'not nice' to tell you that your wife might just have an opinion about what she chooses to wear?

OP, it’s a bit rich to accuse posters who are replying to you in the hope of your wife eventually enjoying an experience where she feels loved and appreciated, with being judgemental, whilst at the same time variously praising posters for their contributions that fit with what you want/chastising them for not 100% agreeing with you. On with your day anyway

As PP have said, it's so lovely that you want to treat your wife and that you appreciate her. What you're suggesting isn't tacky at all and if you know she'd love it then it would be perfect. Speaking personally, I would hate DH buying me clothes (including lingerie) or shoes, and he would only be allowed to buy me a bag if he was completely sure of the exact specification. I love the unexpected and something that shows me DH has spent time and effort thinking about me. For example, I recently came back from a very challenging business trip and found a cuddle clone right next to my snoozing DDog. For me that was amazing! BUT, I do realise that I'm probably rather odd. Whatever you decide, I hope you both have a wonderful time!

Emma Good point well made lass

He's just brought me a banana and nuts arranged on a plate as a smiley face. A good egg really