Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Bluntness your teeth look so pretty and very white. Lilly phone up today and ask for a few propranolol, your GP won’t mind xx

Lily you could look at the Ted Talk videos. There’s one for confidence you stand tall with your arms out so that your effectively making yourself appear as big as you can and breathe deeply a few times. (Obviously don’t do this with anyone watching 😂)

Lily, I'm not a regular contributor to your thread. My close friend has just gone through mediation. She suffers with crippling anxiety and depression, so she had her mediation with her ex being in a separate room. I think this is an option and might help if you don't want to be in the same space as your ex.
Good luck, think of the relief afterwards.

I've been following your thread for a while and wanted to say - remember how far you've come and what you've achieved WITHOUT him. You sound like you're doing so much better than he is .

Something I use to help me emotionally disassociate from a situation is a make a personal version of 'bullshit bingo' i.e. make a mental list of all the phrases he may use/statement he may make and mentally tick them off as he says them e.g. he may mention about being excluded from the family (Tick). Making the list also helps you prepared how and if you want to respond to him. (you can always give yourself a reward for each phrase e.g a facial for a full card...)

As you already know, silence is very effective .

Good luck!

Lily this thread is right up your strasse if you haven't seen it already...

Do men ever regret their ‘midlife crisis’ affairs? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3402653-Do-men-ever-regret-their-midlife-crisis-affairs

Ah thank you beautiful pretty.

Lilly how are you today? Feeling ok?

Morning everyone

Thanks everyone for your really helpful advice.

I’m actually feeling better now having convinced myself KH will probably be more anxious about the mediation appointment than me.

Toots. I’ve actually been following the thread you mention. It’s really interestIng.

My two best friends are coming to see me on Saturday afternoon to run through all the issues I’ll need to address at mediation. One of my friends, I’ve mentioned previously, is a recently retired matrimonial solicitor.

Ah well, need to get myself ready for work 😩.

Thanks again for the advice 😊

Yes that thread shows you just how many men have trodden Ken's almost exact footsteps...they are so cliche aren't they?!

You're absolutely right that he will be more nervous than you. Just remember you are the innocent party here. Bet you'll get some cracking advice from your pals on Saturday over a drink or two.

Start polishing your armour, you've got this.

Hi lily wishing you good luck this week with mediation

Good luck Lily. Hope it goes as well as you need it to 

Hi Lily, how are you? Hope the mediation had a good outcome for you.

Calling Lilly,,,,,where r u? Come back,,,,

Been thinking of you all week Lily, hope you are Ok...

Hello 👋

I’m here 😊

Mediation went better than I anticipated. We’ve agreed an interim payment arrangement which enables me to remain in the house. The next session is early March.

KH looked very uncomfortable and, although I was extremely anxious, I calmed down fairly quickly once I’d seen him.

He looked a little shabbier and facially quite tired. He definitely wasn’t the dapper and really spruced man I remember.

The session lasted a full hour and a half and, a couple of times when we were discussing historic events, he looked to be a bit tearful. I didn’t let him get to me though and I stayed strong and determined throughout.

I’m so glad it’s over for now and, hopefully, I can chill for the next few months.

He admitted to living with OW and provided bank statements for the past 12 months. I’ve only skimmed over them to date but it’s evident he’s spending a lot of money on shopping, entertainment and holidays/weekends away etc. I’m going to examine the statements in detail but I want to have a couple of weeks just to relax.

Well, better get off now, busy weekend 😊

Thank you everyone for your continued support, I really appreciate it 😘

Oh so glad to hear from you lily, kept looking on here each time I logged on wondering how you got on

So glad things went well and that you’re happy with the outcome. Very often we look at these men after a while and suddenly the penny drops and we think ‘wtf was I mourning for, for all these months, he’s just a sad old man’

Going by what you’ve said about the money he’s spending, I’m even more sure his ‘relationship’ with the ow won’t last. Once the honeymoon period is over I think she’ll prob trade him in for a new model and he’ll be stuck sad and lonely with a shitty tattoo of a woman’s name on his arm.

Good luck OP, you sound so much stronger and happier and it’s fab to read

Always think of you when I see these, ok the time frames are a bit out, but it sums Up what you’ve been going through I think

So pleased that it went well for you Lily - you sound so much happier. Have a great weekend.

So glad it went well and that you can stay in your home for now. I would imagine KH is having one or two regrets about what he has thrown away. You're amazing Lily.

Hi Lily, I'm so pleased it went well for you. 

Ah I'm glad it went well as could be expected Lilly.

I thought you'd nail it 😁

Aw thank you so much everyone 😊

@Thebluedog I love it 😘

I guess there have been a lot of us on here wondering how you went on Lily!
Glad it went well Lily

I've had a challenging week and was hoping it would all go well for Lily to restore my faith in humanity!

Aw bless you @Rememory. Hope you’re having a better weekend after your challenging week.

I’m just waiting for my DS and DIL to collect me. They’re taking me out for food and cocktails 😊.

My friend’s husband saw KH sitting at OW’s market stall again this morning. Oh what an exciting life he appears to be having ...... not 🙈

Have a good evening everyone and thanks again for your kind comments 😘