Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Glad you're feeling a little better today Lilly.

And agree, sorry toots, don't go after a share of his holiday spends, untill a financial agreement is in place, there is nothing to say he has to share his salary equally whilst the marriage is still legally valid, or even after for that matter, many low earning partners kept short will testify to that, but he will have to hand over bank statements, so the quicker this gets done the better.

I'm just going to put forth a word of caution, with my usual caveat that I'm in the US so UK laws may be different.

If you refuse to pay the mortgage and he won't, you do risk losing the house. This happened to my BFF, although her circumstances were a bit different. She had to flee the home due to DV and her abusive ex sat in it and refused to pay the mortgage. She couldn't afford to and pay rent at the same time. He told her he'd rather lose the house than see her get it or get one penny of the sale profits. A true 'cutting off one's nose to spite one's face' but some people are truly like that. You'll need to take into consideration whether or not KH is the type to do that, despite his own best interests and/or a court order to pay.

Hi everyone.

Thanks for the advice.

If he agrees to mediation he will be given a document which details the documentation we both have to provide, 12 months bank statements for all accounts, wage slips, P60’s and pension information. I’ve already got all mine and I’ve copied everything too.

I very much doubt he’ll agree to mediation but I may be wrong, he’s so bloody sure of himself and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if he’s thinking “well she’s made no fuss so I’ve got her on the ropes”, if so and to quote Julia Roberts “big mistake, huge!!”

I’ve already made a detailed list of dates of nights out, holidays etc., so I can go straight to the relevant section of his statements, including Christmas and Valentine’s Day before he left.

Got my fighting head back on today 😊

Good on you Lily! You sound like you're ready for all eventualities and you know he probably won't be.

As it's Friday night, I'll drink to that! Cheers Lily et al🍸

Go for it Lily x

Fighting head is a good head to wear just now Lily. You are taking back control of the situation that KH has created. I think PP are right in that KH thought he'd still be in the fold like your XH. What a silly, silly man! KOKO

Hi everyone.

Thanks for the posts.

Acrossthepond. I won’t let the house get repossessed but I’ll tell his solicitor I’m prepared to do that if necessary. I’m okay until maybe end November so I’m hoping he’ll attend mediation and we can settle the finances in the next couple of months.

Im ready to put the house up for sale so if he agrees to mediate I’ll suggest it to him. It’s too big for me on my own and I’d rather live somewhere that’s just mine.

My worry is if he refuses to mediate and I have to make an application to the court for financial relief, it can take months but I’ll have to cross that bridge if I come to it.

I’ve been off FB for a few weeks but reactivated my account last week. Yesterday I got an email suggesting people I might know and the skank’s name was on the list. I don’t know anyone who’s friends with her and I never check her FB, does anyone know why her name would be on a list of friend suggestions for me? Not massively important just curious 🤔

Facebook will link phone numbers and make ‘Friend’ suggestions if for example your mobile or landline has phoned her mobile or landline which may be recorded in her Facebook profile. Happened to me where I phoned a friend at work, who is not on Facebook, and a family member of hers had me pop-up as a Facebook friend suggestion.

*I made a phone call to a friend (from work) to her home landline.

I’ve certainly not phoned her mobile or landline 🙈😂

Are you and KH 'friends' on FB or did you used to be? If so, she will be in the 'friends of friends' category and come up in the 'people you may know' list.

Yes the Ow mine left for comes up on my suggested people. It’s friends of friends. Bloody annoying. I deleted Facebook and reset with only friends who weren’t friends with EH.

No I’m not from friends with KH on FB and I’ve reactivated it in my new name.

It’s a mystery 🙄

*from friends 🙈🙈🙈😂😂😂

May well be friends of friends. Have had similar strange suggestions!

Sometimes if someone has searched for you and looked at your profile, they will come up as a "suggestion" for you.
Friend had an EX come up on FB as a "suggestion" once, no mutual friends, never were friends on FB ...

Watching Strictly ....... am heartbroken.

It’s a TV programme we always watched together 😭😭😭

I know I’m upset for the man I was married to, not the man he’s become 😢

Morning Lilly, how are you feeling today? 💐

Morning Bluntness. I’m not too bad this morning thanks.

Hope all’s good with you 😘

Yes, I'm good, Monday morning though,,,😱

Glad you're feeling a little better today, every day you get a little closer to sorting this out...😁

So..........I’ve had a text this afternoon to say KH has agreed to attend the MIAM.

I really didn’t expect him to agree and it’s thrown me.

I rang the mediation service to ask when his appointment is but they wouldn’t tell me. I’ll just get a notification of the face to face appointment.

I can’t tell you how I feel. I’d just convinced myself he wouldn’t agree to mediate and now I’m absolutely dreading coming face to face with him.

I’ve been so upset since I received the text, I feel sick at the very thought of having to meet with him.

I want to appear calm and indifferent but I’m afraid I’m going to be a quivering wreck 😱

It is god news though because it is moving the process forward, and that is good news financially.

You must be thrown . But you have done brilliantly so far, and I am convinced you will continue to do so. He will be far more nervous than you I suspect.

You are prepared in terms of paperwork and financial info already. You have time to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally too. However you are feeling inside you'll be presenting as the smart, sophisticated and calm Lily I have come to know here. And you'll look amazing too.

Good news even. I'm an atheist but if I did believe , He'd be on your side!

Hmmm...that's one of the dangers of convincing yourself you know what the other party is going to do. You need to remember you don't know him like you thought you did.