Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Hiya

Thanks for the good wishes.

Bluntness. As I’ve already said, I wrote to his solicitor asking that he increase the monthly payments. I received a letter yesterday asking for full disclosure of my income and expenditure. All the letters are really vague and I think are intended to keep delaying the proceedings, so I’m going to write back on Monday telling them I’m going to arrange mediation (this is a requirement of the court in any case) and will take matters away from his solicitors and it’ll enable me to question him about his finances face to face. That’ll be interesting 😉

Mediation is a very good idea. Let him look you dead in the eye.

Oh that was a good idea.

And why is he asking for details of your income, he knows, that's definetly a delaying tactic. 😔

I think mediation will make him squirm...great idea and good for you not dancing to his tune. You're keeping the upper hand by not giving in to silly demands and delaying tactics.

He will be asking for details of income because he is possibly going to be a knob . Sometimes however these things are generated by solicitors of course ( who deal in cold facts ) but still they are hurtful at the time . You think - how can they do this ? Don't under estimate the pain and stress of things like mediation . Do you really think this will have to go to court lily at this early stage ? These things can take forever so try to go with the flow on it . I have seen a friend floored mentally by the lead up and then the court system .

Funicorn. If we can’t agree payments at mediation, I’ll have to make an application to the court for maintenance pending suit.

I know mediation will be difficult but it’s a hoop you must jump through to get the financial issues into court. Not something I’m looking forward to but it has to be done.

I’m not going to allow the financial negotiations to become overly protracted so I’ve no option but to get a mediation appointment organised.

The knobhead is well aware of my income and expenditure but, more importantly, I know what he earns and his expenditure can’t be particularly high since he’s living with OW in a house she’s owned and managed to finance by herself for years.

He isn't likely to find himself a new home in the meantime is he Lily? I wouldn't put it past him to get himself a flat for a few months until the financials are agreed and then give it up and move back in with OW (unless they get tired of each other in the meantime).

Oh my days - I hope not 🙈

Thing is, if he's been living with her since he left your home, it will look rather odd to a judge if he takes a flat on his own as soon as divorce paperwork is served/filed.

Not to say he won't do it, in fact it wouldn't surprise me one whit if he did.

Good point Across. I don’t think he’s canny enough to think of doing that anyway 🤞

My DS and DDIL took me out for Sunday lunch to a really lovely restaurant today. I’ve just been sent a photo the dickhead has posted on IG of him with a Mr Whippy ice cream at a local reservoir. I’ve sent it to everyone I know and we’re all pissing ourselves laughing. An added bonus is he’s piling the weight back on, got real manboobs and a belly - thank you God 🙏😂

Just a note Lily, are you absolutely certain he has been living the OW? Do you have proof? You need to be very prepared going into mediation. The last thing you need is him to state he hasn't been living with her. Don't let anything floor you! Best of luck.

That's Karma for you Lily

Just received notice from court. Divorce petition issued and posted to him first class today.

Don’t know why but I feel absolutely sick 😬🙈

Completely natural to have strong feelings. I was thrown by how awful I felt seeing the petition, it makes it all very real.
It really does get easier.

Having only been a partial observer through this thread of what has gone on, I'd think receiving such notice today is truly horrible and I can't imagine how continually hurtful this must be.

Thanks Lifebegins and Sunflowers

Yes I’m quite surprised at just how upset I feel at the moment.

If someone had told me 6 months ago I’d be going through a divorce now, I’d have thought they were completely mad.

It’s so sad 😢

It's a step down a road you never thought you'd trod. Normal to be upset!

Hey Lilly. Just take some time. You're doing so well, and have come so far from the lady who first posted. I think you know that, you're back at work, managing the house and finances on your own, seeing friends and family annd you've found your anger and are fighting back.

The divorce is just a symbol of what's occured. So it's going to make you feel sad. Just take some time to grieve, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off then go fight the fucker in the trenches, 💐

Lily I imagine seeing those papers has made it all seem a bit final and that's bound to be scary. Just remember how strong you've become and how much better you'll feel when you're through it all.

Hey Lilly how has your week been? Are you ok?

Hi Bluntness. I’m okay thanks. I’ve arranged my first mediation session, much to the annoyance of dickhead’s solicitors who clearly want to conduct the financial negotiations to rack up costs.

I have a half hour session alone, he then has a half hour session alone and then, if we’re both in agreement, we have an hour and a half session face to face. If he doesn’t agree to mediate I can make an immediate application to the court for financial remedy.

I advised his solicitor that the divorce petition was to be served upon him at the skank’s address and they’ve replied stating all further proceedings/correspondence is to be served upon them. They haven’t denied he’s living there, which is good.

I’ve now got to wait for him to acknowledge service and either admit or deny the adultery allegation.

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when he received the petition, he’ll be furious I know her address.

I was a bit down after getting the notice of issue but I’m okay again now. Just got to get on with it haven’t I?

Hope all’s okay with you and yours 😊

Lily you are a strong wonderful woman and you are dealing with it superbly xx

What she said x

Ah you're doing amazingly well you know that don't you?

It's getting serious now, but he deserves it.

Just hold strong here. Keep fighting it.

How are you feeling about seeing him?

Mmmm don’t know how I feel about seeing him. I’m sure I’ll be really nervous but I think I’ll probably handle it better than he will. I’ll do my best to be calm and detached as I think that’ll piss him off. Then I’ll go home and fall apart 🙈

It wouldn’t surprise me if he refuses to mediate though as I think he’s proved he’s a coward and he used to say to me “I’m no match for you, you could buy and sell me”.

If he does grow a pair and agrees to mediate I’ll make sure I’m dressed to the nines and my hair and make up is perfect. If he has put on weight I’ll make some surreptitious comment about standards having slipped 😉.