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Original poster

Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

999 replies

Lily007 · 10/07/2018 10:42

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Lily007 · 27/08/2018 17:04

No worries 😉

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 17:06

Thanks 😘

Original poster
Lily007 · 27/08/2018 17:15

Fuckit. Yes, precisely. I know OW’s income can’t be assessed in relation to any maintenance order, just that STBXH has far more disposable income whilst he’s shacked up with her.

Oh my days, what a stressful afternoon, think I need a drink 🍷. Bet you do too Bluntness 😜

OP posts:
beeefcake · 27/08/2018 17:50

Oh gosh I'm glad all is well again. Sorry for being short with you as well @Bluntness100

beeefcake · 27/08/2018 17:50

Oh gosh I'm glad all is well again. Sorry for being short with you as well @Bluntness100

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 17:54

Yes, but resisting the temptation. Or I will probably fuck up again tomorrow 😳. I shall mental cheers you though. Tomorrow night though,,,all bets are off 🤣

Beefcake no biggie, one of those days..

tootstastic · 27/08/2018 18:03

Bloody hell, I don't look at this thread for a few hours and all hell breaks loose! Shock

Bluntness Sorry you've had a tough day, I can tell you're not quite yourself. We all have days like that sometimes, hope you can sort work issue Thanks

Lily I have a friend who's ex had to disclose his new DP's earnings for consideration during the divorce. It's pretty standard I think, but it certainly drove him and the new DP nuts. My friend also did a deal where she got to stay in the house by agreeing that he would keep his pension. Hope you get something similar.

And I agree the mocking of XH husband on the market stall is purely based on his aforementioned snobbery and thinking quite a lot of himself. It's amusing rather than nasty or bullying in my opinion and let's not forget this man has behaved disgracefully and has not cared one bit about hurting others. A little laugh about how the mighty have fallen is allowed, I think!

Original poster
Lily007 · 27/08/2018 19:11

Toots. Thanks for that.

When it comes to the financials being sorted I might say “what about the income from your Saturday job on the market” 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
tootstastic · 27/08/2018 19:15

He probably calls it artisan floristry Grin

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 20:07

Toots thanks. 💐

Lilly, in all seriousness you probably should,,,it could be argued he's moonlighting 🤣

cheesefield · 27/08/2018 21:29

Ive been reading your threads for a while lily, and for what it's worth I desperately hope you get the spousal maintenance you deserve after such a long marriage and his shitty behaviour.

But do you have a plan B in place in case you are not awarded SM, and only receive a split of the house and his pension? Can you join the local housing list, just in case? I am only asking because a friend of mine had an awful time recently after a 22 year marriage ending, after which she applied for but did not receive SM. He was earning over 100k, she was on about 20k. She walked away with about 25k settlement. ☹️

Original poster
Lily007 · 28/08/2018 07:03

Hi cheesefield. Yes I do have a plan B and a plan C also 😬.

OP posts:
HazelBite · 28/08/2018 08:30

The thing is Lily does not know how her STBXH is going to "jump" when it comes to how he is going to behave when it comes to maintenance, what he is going to instruct his solicitors to do, he is not the man she believed she knew so well, and she has to prepare for any eventuality.

Bambamrubblesmum · 28/08/2018 10:31

cheesefield did your friend have children with her ex? I’m just wondering if this makes a difference in awarding SM. Usually a spouse can claim that they were unable to build up a substantial earning power because they were looking after the children of the marriage hence the disparity in wealth. Can you still claim SM if you don’t have kids together? Is this a factor in whether it is awarded?

Funicorn · 28/08/2018 21:07

My friend also did a deal where she got to stay in the house by agreeing that he would keep his pension.

This is allegedly one of the worst things a woman can do - trade pension for equity . A property is a drain on finances whereas a pension share will not.

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2018 21:10

Says who funicorn? Can you post some links to that research? Clearly with an endate on an affordable mortgage and an asset that escalates in value over time that's a nice secure nest egg there,

Cuttingthegrass · 28/08/2018 21:40

But property is a financial drain and at the mercy of the market. Plus then you need to buy annuity etc

Pension, depending on scheme / employer is not.

I know pension is also dependent on one's future pension earnings and time to retirement. But it's difficult if not much equity to know what to do surely?

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2018 21:47

Property is clearly not a financial drain all the time or people wouldn't invest in it, and if the person who owned it wanted to release capital they can do equity release. When the mortgage is paid off it's a very nice asset.

There is a reason people want to own their own home rather than rent. Especially into old age.

tootstastic · 28/08/2018 22:18

Tbh, if given a choice, I think I'd rather have bricks and mortar now than 'jam tomorrow' from a pension at a later date. But of course it may not be an option here.

Wolf1826 · 28/08/2018 22:23

@Bluntness100 Funicorn is right for a variety of reasons. Here's an article from The Telegraph which is the first hit I found on Google.

Us Brits have a love affair with property which blinds us to the reality that property, especially if it is your home, is not the best investment. Because we can see it and touch it and see it going up in value we ignore other things.

Buy to let likewise, most people would be better investing their money in the stock market.

Pensions have also had a bad press, some of which was justified, this again distorts our perception.

If you go on gut instinct then House = good, Pension = bad. If you look at the facts that's just not true.

Equity release is also generally a bad (often very bad) idea except in some more rare circumstances - you won't have to search far to find evidence on that.

Funicorn · 28/08/2018 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2018 23:32

I'm sorry I don't agree and a telegraph article by some journo won't convince me.

I think it's case by case and there is no one rule. This is what I'm disputing.

The value of rhe pension versus that of the house, being in rented accommodation for ever more, for that pension share to be used to pay your rent, on a property your landlord can sell from under you, for the rest of your life, with no security of owning your own home, with escalating rents, v a property where you own outright as the mortgage has been paid off, and you can release equity, downsize, is for me a complex decision and one that needs to be reviewed carefully.

I personally would think very long and hard before I chose to be in rented accommodation for the rest of my life.,,and using my share of my exes pension to do nothing more than pay that rent.

I get others will think this is best, for me, I would not take that decision lightly.

Wolf1826 · 29/08/2018 00:02

Sigh.

I'm not saying take a pension share and rent for the rest of your life. The suggestion was that staying in THE house rather than take a pension share was without doubt a good deal when it's almost certainly the opposite. Ask anyone who actually understands these things.

There's far more information out there than a single newspaper article.

It's not my job to educate you.

Wolf1826 · 29/08/2018 00:07

The idea that staying in the marital home rather than take a pension share is a good deal is the kind of nonsense that leaves women impoverished in their retirement.

Women are far more likely to experience poverty in retirement than men and one of the reasons is ignorance about financial matters.

Bambamrubblesmum · 29/08/2018 08:04

I tend to agree with Wolf to be honest and I've only come to this conclusion through buying and selling property over the years. True wealth is money in the bank which regardless of what the market is doing will give you security. Property prices fluctuate, being able to sell your property when you need to realise the equity is unpredictable. Meanwhile costs go up including ongoing maintenance of said property. Your house can also be devalued through no fault of your own (infrastructure developments or a decline in the economic fortune of the area).

Meanwhile a pension gives you a fixed predictable monthly income on which you can plan and build.

I'm obviously on the other side of the fence as we are in the process of selling property and putting it into the bank. We have pensions which we are already receiving and salary so will work on building our pot and may buy for cash in the future or may rent but we won't ever have a mortgage again. At the moment I'd rather rent and leave my children a very large lump of money which they will have quick access to on my death rather than having to go through the process of selling my home. We are about to go through this with a relatives estate and it's heartbreaking to be honest Sad

Having said all that sometimes heart rules head and it's what people feel comfortable with long term. My own view is that property prices have hit their ceiling at least for the next decade. Until wages catch up anymore substantial growth is unrealistic. Therefore what you have is what you have, any growth in equity will be through paying the mortgage down rather than investment.

What is the pension pot size versus equity in the property? That would be the starting point for me. Also does lily have her own pension as that might influence her ability to claim a share of his pension.