Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Ha - I would definitely make him wait. So glad you have trusted good legal advice to hand!

Are you ok Lilly. I know that must have been quite a shock, even if expected.😔

Has he stated grounds for divorce and have you formally instructed a solicitor?

You can only go at your own pace if he wishes to divorce on mutual agreement, if it's unreasonable behaviour, then not so much, you will need to contest.

Hi Bluntness

No, the letter just states he’s instructed them but no details.

My friend thinks he’s probably hoping I’ll issue citing his adultery. As I say, I’m doing nothing for the moment, I’ll just wait for his next move.

I was pretty down at the weekend but I’m absolutely fine now. I don’t want to be married to him in any case.

You are one strong lady Lily

Hugs Lily, receiving such a letter must have been a shock. But I admire your resolve and you're absolutely right, he's not worthy of a wife like you and you'll be rid of him permanently once this plays out.

It's good that you have your solicitor friend, who'll be able to help you anticipate his next moves and your best response. And of course you have us lot, your trusty virtual cheerleaders.

You're a warrior Lily, you've got this!!!

Thank you so much Rainbow and Toots

I’ll just KOKO 👍😊

Be strong for this next stage - your cyber friends are here when you need to chat xxx

Get yourself a solicitor Lilly, have someone you can pull out the bag ok? Even if they don't respond.

And you're doing just fine, and you're going to be ok, but instruct a solicitor. 💐

Bluntness I’m seeing a “practising” solicitor next week.

I won’t be railroaded, you can be sure of that!

Can I just say your thread is inspiring. It's giving me hope.

We're all with you Lily.

Ah that's good.

Just wanted to make sure in case he was going to go down unreasonable behaviour road then use a no response as evidence of non co operation in court.

Fuck knows what he's thinking. And you seem to have your game head on 😁

I know you’ve been waiting for this but it must be really tough for you and hit you hard

As you’ve already said, there’s no rush and take it at your own pace

Hope you're ok Lily x

Hi Lily I hope you are ok and enjoying this lovely sunshine just wanted to check in and say I think you're amazing keep strong and good luck with the solicitor

How's your weekend been Lily? Are you coping ok since the solicitor's letter or is it all spinning around your head constantly? It seems an odd move on his part to go straight for the legal route, but I guess he knows you wouldn't be interested in talking to him face to face and this way is less traumatic than having him badgering you to discuss things. Is it all feeling very final?

Hope you're getting lots of reading done in your lovely garden with all this great weather we're having. I'm away with the family in a holiday cottage with a beautiful garden, making the most of it with a new book and I thought of you.

Hi everyone

Toots Enjoy your break.

The letter I've received from his solicitor is really odd actually. It's so very vague, doesn't state his intentions other than he has reluctantly concluded the marriage is at an end. No shit sherlock!!!! They ask me to instruct a solicitor, not until your idiot client states his intentions I wont!

He can sod off, I'll do what I want and in my own time. My friend thinks he's sounding me out because I've been too quiet lol.

I've just spent the last 4 hours sorting out lots of documents so I can draft a summary and schedule which I've just emailed to a friend who is a practising matrimonial solicitor. Once I've been able to discuss everything with him I'll make a decision about my next move.

Obviously, I don't want him back so I know the marriage is over but I'm not having him calling the shots. He's done the damage now he can bloody well pay the frigging piper.

Thanks everyone for checking in. I'm not too bad actually, I was shocked to receive the solicitor's letter but I'm back on track again now.

My wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks and I know I'll probably feel a little sad but I'll get over it.

Hope you're all enjoying this glorious weather too.

Thanks

Thanks Lily, I'm mostly enjoying the relaxation, not to mention the copious amounts of delicious food I'm scoffing

Yes that letter does sound odd. I think your friend's probably right about him testing the water, based on the lack of stating any intentions. I assume he's continued to pay the mortgage, so also wonder if he's needing financials to be sorted so that he doesn't have to keep paying it?

Perhaps you could arrange a day/night with your friend on your wedding anniversary so you don't brood on it too much...I don't know, but something fun and decadent with a nod to the future rather than the past.

You're doing so well and have come so far now that whatever he does, he can never drag you down for long.

It must hurt that you consider this woman to be so vile yet someone you loved for so long would rather be with her than you.

The anniversary will be very hard.

I've been there.

flametrees Don’t know how to take that comment.

My anniversary will be difficult, yes.

That he’d rather be with a vile skank than me, yes it hurts but it’s his loss.

Do you think it might help if you spent your anniversary away? Is there a place you love or always wanted to visit but didn't because arsehole didn't like it? It doesn't have to be 'away away', even a museum or an activity you would have liked to do that you haven't because of him.

Morning,

Not sure what that comment was about Flametrees, but it came across as rather unpleasant. I'm sure you know that, care to explain why?

Anyways, I'd agree, do something on the anniversary,...😁

Hi Lily I'm a lurker who has name changed

In terms of your wedding anniversary I think a bit of NLP might be in order. You need to reprogramme the day to mean something else whilst acknowledging the life change iyswim. So you need a new tradition to replace the old.

If it were me I'd make it my annual life laundry day. If you've got the day to yourself, get yourself a picnic of your favourite food ( for me would be smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel and a massively caloric dessert ) take a notebook and pen. Then find somewhere that is up really high so you can look down and see a different perspective. Then plan out the next 12 months and what you are going to do for you! If others are around take them with you and have a fun picnic full of laughter tears and planning! Then next year look back on how you did and then do the same.

Sorry if that sounds a soft but you need to make that day about something else rather than twatman and skankgirl

Lily, looks like you have your own 'what anniversary?!' planning committee right here if you need us!

@flametrees I hope the unpleasant way you phrased that statement was unintentional.

@MamaOotie That sounds delicious...I think you've just helped me decide on today's lunch

I'm torturing myself with that fantasy lunch as I've got tooth issues so can't indulge. Please go ahead and tell me how good it was!!!