Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Ha ha, yes I suppose he is.

You’d think someone who’d had it done to them, twice, wouldn’t condone it. Apparently when dickhead XH posted the photo of him and OW on the plane, both neighbour and his wife commented “have a great time guys”!!!!!!

I don’t really care to be honest, they’re neighbours not friends. I just can’t be doing with two faced people.

Yes, that's what I meant, he is a twat, so he was dumped.... interesting comment Bluntness given he was 'dumped' for an OM (twice). Were they not skanks? There's a thread running elsewhere discussing how OW and OM are regarded very differently - here is a prime example.

CoastalBreeze. I think what Bluntness means is the neighbour is a twat for supporting XH given he’s been through this twice.

Hmmm, I don't think I said the ow was a skank because she went with Lilly's husband...so I can't comment. My view is we don't know what was said to her, what line of bullshit he told her. Lilly and I don't agree on this, for her it doesn't matter what he told her, she should have said no. For me, he may have said many things, from being deeply unhappy. Marriage over, whatever, so I wont go so far as to call her a skank simply because of being involved with him.

It Also for me appears to be predominantly him posting on social media...I don't think she's blameless, or to be excused, but I didn't rush in and call her a skank and I won't rush in and call the men skanks either.

So I'm not the right person to ask. And I understand why Lilly calls her a skank, I prob would too in her shoes.

Your neighbour sounds like he has more faces than Big Ben, Lily! It's good that you looked busy and like you're just getting on with things, as he'll probably be reporting that back to XH.

And well done for nailing the hedge! There must be something in the air...I've been tackling jobs with gusto today that I've been meaning to do for ages.

How's Tuesday looking, Lily?

I still occasionally dream that my XH and I reconcile. That we are back together and happy - and then I remember what he did and how he left and I get really angry and start punching him in the dream. I think this probably means I have unresolved issues, but I still don't regret cutting him totally out of my life as soon as he left (well, after about three weeks, during which his behaviour was increasingly bizarre, who asks their recently-deserted wife to help set them up with dates?)

It has helped my peace of mind no end to not be constantly knowing that he is gadding about or dating or settling in a new relationship. So whilst some people find a degree of managed contact works for them, for some of us, NC is the only way forward.

Hi Zaph. I’m feeling okay today thanks.

I definitely feel NC is working for me, although whenever he contacts me, like Friday, I become a quivering wreck and it really unsettles me. I seem to recover fairly quickly though, which is progress.

I’m sure I’ll still have sad days but hopefully they’ll lessen as time passes.

My main concern at the moment is staying in the house for as long as possible.

The friend I went out with on Friday evening was, until she retired 3 years ago, a matrimonial solicitor and she’s given me some excellent advice which has been a godsend.

For the time being, I’m going to just carry on as I am and see how things pan out.

Hey Lilly.

Glad you're feeling ok again today, you definitely have a lot more good days than bad.

And I'd agree with you, I'd also keep my head down. It's his mess. Not yours.

Hi Lily et al, hope you're having a good day and enjoying the seemingly everlasting sunshine.

Glad you've got someone who can advise you and knows what they're talking about. That will help you keep your head and your powder dry and, when it comes to it, you'll know what to do to get the very best possible deal financially.

Hi Toots

Been at work today 🙄.

For some reason I’ve been thinking of him having that bloody tacky tattoo and her “love of my life” comment and hard as I’ve tried I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Here’s hoping for a better day tomorrow 😬

The tattoo is the kind of thing that you do on the spur of the moment, in that first flush of total infatuation, and then regret for the rest of your life. I so very nearly had my and my XH's intials tattooed on my wrist (we were going to be together forever after all) and now I am hugely relieved that I never got round to it. I would feel such a tit whenever I looked at it!

It's something that almost smacks of desperation. A kind of 'you can't leave me, I've got your name tattooed on me! Where am I going to find another girlfriend called Dangletits McDougal?'

Lol Zaph 🤣🤣🤣

I’m so glad I posted. I’ve really been chuckling at your response. You’ve proper cheered me up 😊

Just doin' mah job, ma'am.

Y'all have a good day, now.

Zaph Dangletits McDougal Classic!

Lily sorry to hear it's been a rough day and having to be at work too. But now you can think about that tattoo in a very different light!

I’m still chuckling 😂😂😂

Dangletits McDougal 🤣 quality 😀

DH and I have been married 40 years and I still wouldn't have his name tattooed on any part of my body!

I can't wait til it all goes to shit for him and Dangletits and he's stuck looking at that tattoo for the rest of his life.

AcrossthePond55. I can’t wait either 🤞

Hi Lilly, how are you feeling today ?

Hi Bluntness. I’m not too bad thanks 😊

Money paid into my account so that’s one worry over for another month.

Went out for a few drinks for a colleague’s leaving do last night which was nice.

Tesco shop this morning and then housework this afternoon. Oh what an exciting life I lead 😉

I’ve been okay for the last few days but I’m always waiting for the next slap in the face 😬

Ah don't keep thinking like this, you're doing brilliantly.

And don't stress about the money, he can't just stop paying or the mortgage will go into arrears and it will be repossessed. I don't think you're at risk there at all. He will probably come to an agreement at some point, but he won't just stop paying.

Gym this morning for me, then probably garden centre. Proper rock and roll stuff. 🤣

Good news about him paying another month's dosh lily, at least it gives you peace of mind. I agree with bluntness that he's unlikely to stop until you've reached an agreement - he needs a good credit history and the house not to be in arrears as much as you do, so shouldn't rock the boat (the financial one, anyway!) A few days with any drama from him or DT will have done you good.

I also did the gym this morning, followed by tedious housework. I have a garden party to look forward to later, but panicking that I have nothing to wear. And fed up of my make-up sliding off in this heat! Aargh!!

*without any drama

Been reading your thread since the start. You are coping extremely well. You will come out in top in the end. He is a reckless old fool. You can’t build happiness off the back of someone’s misery.

My dad left my mum years ago for ow - off he trotted into the sunset without a backward glance, their marriage lasted five years I think and it was extremely volatile- she never forgave him for leaving my mum I don’t think 🤔. How can you even begin to trust someone who has done that ?
Ow was a bit rough and ready, both drinkers - dad died in the end from alcoholism... it was sad as could have found a way as his daughter to move past it all eventually. He never forgave himself for it and that why he drank I think.
Karma will catch him one day xx

Thank you kateshair

I’m so sorry to hear your dad died.

I’m certain my XH will eventually regret his decision. He’s given up so much he’s bound to miss some aspects of the life he had before he left. I just hope I have the satisfaction of seeing the fallout. I’d love him to turn up begging me to take him back just so I can say “on yer go” 😊

I’m, thankfully, feeling a lot stronger now and, whilst I still have some ‘down’ days, I don’t feel devastated any longer. It’s true, you can recover from anything given time.

Pleased your starting to see the light at the end Lily