The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Loving the whatsapp group! really enjoying talking to you ladies.

Good Evening. How has Tuesday been?
Back to school for lots today/tomorrow I think. My Grandson is back tomorrow.

I’ve got quite a bit of social activity lined up over the next few weeks and am going to stay with my brother for a few days next week. I’m sort of looking forward to it but it will be the longest we have spent together on our own for years!

hopeless, enjoy the time with your brother. I get on really really well with mine!
Last full day here. I need silence!!!
I’ll sort out whatsapp when I get back:)

Enjoy the silence 8 !

This morning was good cos my little girl had her friend round so I had her mum for company.

Rest of the day my girl played with other friends so I was just supervising. So no real company or stuff for me.

At the minute I feel like I hate living by myself, without another adult. Is that ridiculous?

No Purple. I feel the same about not having another adult in the house. It's really getting to me.

@dragonslair how's it all going? Hope you are ok

@HopelessWithNumbers hope your week is ok. The right thing will come along. Although not easy when you are struggling. Hope you enjoy your few days with your brother.

@Dan89 glad to hear the cat has settled in. I don't see a lot of mine but he is good to have around.

@purpleme12 it isn't easy. Now the darker nights are coming I just go to bed early. I hate sitting up on my own. I need to start doing it though.

Today my eldest starts secondary school. He came in for cuddle and chat last night. Hope the day goes smoothly for him. Summer school was a disaster. So keep everything crossed. The house is going to be very quiet today.

Not great I am away running my course. I starting crying in a class yesterday. So humiliating. Can't sleep and am drinking too much wine. I'm at the lowest point of my life. Worse than when DH died... because I thought after all the dreadful things I'd been though, I finally had a joyful future ahead.

Dragon I've nothing useful to say but wanted to send you an unmusnetty hug x

Similar from me dragon
I’m sorry things are so difficult. I’m guessing you have to plough on with the course?
I hope today is better.
Please post here if it helps. There’s normally someone around

I'm really sorry dragon. I just scrolled back and read what you've been through. Sounds awful and it's no wonder you're in bits.
As you're away and delivering this course, please just try to think about just that for now. You can do this. The rest can wait until your home and have more time.
I'm sorry you've been let down so badly. Keep posting. We're all here for you

Hi Eve. I hope you eldest was happy this morning and has a good day.

Mine started Y7 yesterday. It's such a big deal for them.

Sorry you're not liking it either ginandtonic.
And yes I agree the dark nights aren't helping at all. They affect me anyway. I do need to get into a better routine though.

Sorry to hear about your situation too dragon. :-(

My girl has started school today. Which was sad. But I'm ok at the minute.

How did your daughter get on today purple ?

I think she liked it thanks. I think she did play with someone new so that's good. Fingers crossed for tomorrow x

That’s good to hear. I hope you managed the day ok.

I did ok overall I think. It was hard to start with. But enjoyed some time to myself at the same time. The day seemed a bit easier than the evening to be honest. See how it goes I guess. Every day seems different at the minute.

How was your day? X

dragon, so sorry my dear. It’s all a bit pants, but believe when I say it will get easier and it will hardly matter in a couple of years’ time. I wanted to say I think you’re taking on too much so soon after such a blow. Have you got any time off after this? You need it! Be kind to yourself, this too shall pass. Sorry if it sounds shallow.

purple, I missed that, what year is your little girl going into?
eve, DD and I were chatting tonight and she was saying she remembers year 7 like a distant childhood episode. They grow up so much once they go to secondary!
another, did the two of them go together? Did you take pics?
dan, how is the cat?
hopeless, big hug to you, can’t be easy!
gin, sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely. I can’t say anything about that, I was jumping for joy at the thought of having the next 2 days ON MY OWN. Found coping with family and friends a bit too much this time.
folk, you back at school yet? Need vast quantities of alcohol yet?

So, we’re back. The older I grow, the more I dislike my mother, bless her. That’s it for another year. Done my duty, been covered in guilt, judged etc, now for some me time!

I am cold. Jumped from 31 degrees yesterday to 21, I’ve got wooly socks in bed, and a cold nose.
Managed to get DD to sort out her uniform for tomorrow, she even filled her water bottle. I had a sheet of labels but I can’t find them. So I’ll wave good bye to the first lost PE kit of the year .
Anyway, bed for me, it’s been a long day!

She just started in reception! She's not been in the school nursery so all new. But we managed it!

Genius thread. 10000times worse when the clocks go back too . Getting the vt d in NOW!

Hi Iglet 👋
Weirdly I find the dark evenings less of a problem than those long summer evenings. I think at the beginning of this thread I was feeling down because ‘everyone’ was out with friends and loved ones enjoying the summer / World Cup / life and I felt very alone.
In winter it’s less in my face I suppose.

purple thanks. I had a really busy day at work today, felt exhausted when I got home and now feeling like I can’t sleep!

Welcome back 8 Make the most of your ‘you time’!

HWN it’s a tricky one. I totally understand the sensation of ‘everyone’ else out having a great time together and the jealousy wrankles despite best efforts to ignore and magnifies the lonliness even more.
I first moved to this pretty but cliquey rural place, I was soooooooo floored by loneliness I think I was a horrible depressed shouty mum even though it was a beautiful sunny summer. The problem with depression is that you have to just manage somehow with no frigging support! I am married but husband was working too hard and the low mood I got into vs the clear buzz he gets out of the job we moved to be closer to distanced us. Which made him work harder which made me shout more and hate myself more and feel guiltiest about ruining my kids childhoods. And then of course how can you go make friends when you are feeling bitter and resentful and LONELY!
I posed about it on here when I was sooo low. I name changed because I thought it would be so obvious it was me ( if I ever met anyone local!)
And on a good day like this sunny one I can see flowers outside at least. It’s those goddamn endless bleak winter Days when you have to make a call and it’s 1/2 2 in the afternoon and your voice comes out all creased because you haven’t used it. X
Thankyou for starting this post 😘

I must say though that I have worked my arse off to see a
Counsellor and improve my mood and dragged my oH to see one before we split up and there is definitely a light at the end of the Tunnel. I joined a sports team, even though I still don’t feel that I have true friends here yet and sometimes just going through the motions does make things Better. Don’t know if that gives any hope to anyone who is in the PIt of DOOM?!

Morning! Welcome piglet
We’re all at different stages in our lives, for some, the realisation that we’re lonely hasn’t come all that long ago. It’s part of the self discovery process, when you’re on your own you spend a bit more time looking inward. We’re social animals, we belong amongst our peers, isolation is quite scary. Life has its ups and downs, some of us on here happen to be in a ‘down’ phase 😂. But your advice is very sound and you are right, of course. That phase will come as well, when you can see the flowers outside 🤗. In the meantime, we’re supporting each other as best as we can.

I love winter, DD rolls her eyes: mum’s getting the fairy lights again!!!

I’m going to miss swimming when the winter comes. I am starting (re-starting) pilates after a couple of years’ break, but I am very tempted to get a swimming membership for this winter. It’s so expensive on a pay as you go basis!

I have spent a lot of time with my DD, obvs. She starts school again and she is worried about little things, she blows them out of proportion in her head, bless her. We had some spectacular meltdowns. Because I wasn’t shattered, I was patient and able to take a step back and just be there. She said it was nice, we shared a bed at my mum’s and she woke me up in the night so I can turn around and have her sleep with her head on my chest, like she used to do when she was little (she’s now as big as I am). I enjoyed that. Spent ages looking at her asleep on my chest, I can still see the little girl in her. I’m cherishing that, hasn’t happened in years.

Off to wake the child up. Wish me luck.

A certain amount of this is FOMO, the wrong headed idea that everyone is having a delicious time without you and you're being left out. When we all grapple with pain, sadness, loss etc at different times in our lives. I think the only solution, besides reaching out to people, is to do the work towards your own contentment, independent of a family or man or anything external. It is tough