DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

You sound like a lovely mum. Your husband is mad not to realise what a fantastic person you are.

Oh OP 💐💐💐 it’s all going to be okay in the end, it might just take a while.

Make sure you get photos/copies of the letters as I suspect your H will try to steal them back.

Also this is something to think about much further down the line, but I would consider showing the letters to OW’s husband. Not out of spite, but because he deserves to know.

I really feel for you. I have been through similar except my kids (both ASD) were much younger than your DS at the time. No matter how hard you try it is impossible to shelter them if the ex H refuses to do so. I'm still amazed at how mine behaved. He totally blamed me for HIS behaviour & refused to even sit down with the kids to explain to them or even pretend to be civil or work with me for their sake. Is still incapable of being civil even 10+ years later. I hope your ex H behaves better.

@SlothSlothSloth yes her husband has the right to know and I feel awful knowing that this is happening and he'll be the last to know because I will control the fallout as much as I can, I would only give him copies if he needs them, I don't think he really needs to know all the content, he's a nice enough bloke and she treats him like shit in front of everyone.

Took DS out last night to the local Friday/Saturday night stomping ground, she was there, she studiously avoided any eye contact and I was told that she wasn't there on Friday and guess who else wasn't there either.

@MovingThisYearHopefully I suspect that I will get the blame for His behaviour too.

Is your mum supporting you? What has she said? I really really think you are amazing for keeping your cool after seeing her. None of this is your fault so don't let him blame you! He's a pig

Yes, make sure you see a solicitor. Finance is the biggest part of a break up.....

Mum will give advice if I ask, give me a hug when I need it, give me money if I need it, told me that she never thought for one moment that he would ever have an affair and she was shocked that it is true. In short mum will be there for me and the kids

I am so glad you have a lovely Mum, OP. And so sorry for all that you are having to face. What a brave, resilient woman you are with your DS too - I am wishing you strength and for there to be kind people around you everywhere you go as you take the next steps. See how many Mumsnetters there are on here holding your hands. You can do it. ❤️

is he home OP? have you said anything / has he made any excuses? You are extremely strong

No excuses prior to last night, last night's excuse for coming home later than normal for dinner was that he was sitting outside because the weather was nice.

Could have had dinner then sat out in our garden seeing as the weather was so nice. I was angry and lost my cool, said we should get divorced, he said we should talk about it later then ate dinner and went to bed.

The letters are no longer in our house, they are in a safe place

Mum will give advice if I ask, give me a hug when I need it, give me money if I need it, told me that she never thought for one moment that he would ever have an affair and she was shocked that it is true. In short mum will be there for me and the kids

You are so so lucky to have such a wonderful mum 💛 I imagine this would be a hundred times harder without someone in your corner (and it’s bloody hard already I know). I’m so pleased you have her

So glad your mother is a diamond! You deserve much better than your DH

Have you spoken to him today op? Can't believe that was his response to eat then go to bed. I would just tell him you know x

He came in from work just now and went straight upstairs, did not say a word.

Don't get why he's acting as he is if he doesn't know you know? Or maybe he's guessed you know and can't understand your non reaction, if it is the latter plays with the bastards head 💐

Wimp.

I'd try talking to him. Why should you be getting the silent treatment? He's wrong not you x

Thanks everyone for your support and advice, I lost a lot of friends over the years because of everything that we had going on with DS so other than teammates and colleagues and of course my mum (haven't told the rest of my family yet) I don't have many people in rl to talk to.

Very sorry you are going through this! I'm so angry for you - how dare he ignore you? What the hell?

Don't keep this a dirty little secret though. It is not - you need to get support wherever you can. We are all here for you, but you do need some RL support too.

I’m sorry you lost your friends. It seems as soon as people don’t fit into “the norm” swathes of people run.

Do you want to talk to him?

Oh op you have a lot on your plate but you are so the woman to deal with it. I know you are. And you can talk to us any time

@sparklepops123 I don't get it either, I've not mentioned the ow or the word affair, he has just carried on as normal but without talking to me.

@SamanthaH92 I'd like to talk to him but right now I can't pin him down.

I'm going out in a while, I will take my phone though.

He's wondering what you know and is trying to cover his tracks. I bet he's doing a lot of deleting at the moment.

Just keep your cards close to your chest, the less he knows you know the better 💐

@Mummyoflittledragon yes there is nothing like autism with extreme behaviours to make your 'friends' run for the hills.