DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

Does anyone know how accurate the benefits calculators are?

I give you great respect for your dignity 🌺

Hi, sorry to read what you are going through.

Give yourself a pat on the back for coming this far within a couple of weeks. Life from now on will have its ups and downs.

Remember you owe your soon to be exh nothing. He has treated you with no respect despite you being there and doing the best for your sons.

I hope he realises he will have to pay maintenance for your ds who will be attending college soon. If him living in the house causes tension with you give him a date you expect him to leave by.

Wishing you all the best.

Personally, I’d tell him to get the heck out. He doesn’t get to crap all over your marriage. He can go live with the OW. I’m sure her husband would be fine with that.

Keep strong

Wonder if OW sticks by your OH once OW husband gets to know the situation. Will she bottle out and leave your OH in the lurch now they have been found out?

OP, are you going to tell the OWs husband? I would want to know if I was him :(

@kes53, Will she bottle out and leave your OH in the lurch now they have been found out?

Apparently that's what she's done before.

@sockunicorn he will find out soon enough, whether I tell him or not. News spreads fast, especially this kind of news.

The other day neighbours asked if everything was ok, I asked why and they told me that someone had told them that he had seen 'D'H and OW in a pub that he goes to and it looked like they were more than 'just good friends'

so sorry op, this is horrible. however you are being so dignified and strong . Your DC are lucky to have you

I've posted before they won't last five min now it's out, but that's their issue not yours. YOU do what's best for you and the dc. You're doing amazing already 🌺

Dignity and strength didn't keep my marriage intact but dignity and strength will see me through this, other than my kids it is all I have that I can call mine now.

Dignity and strength won't rebuild my kitchen or sort out the plumbing and heating system so I'm going to call in a few favours, at least that will put me in a better position if we do have to sell up.

No but dignity makes you look Like you're (not bothered to them ) and you are very capable because I'd be scrapping like a fish wife ... give your self some well deserve credit 💐

Echo sparklepops......even though you may not feel it, you rock. You are setting a great example to your children

I'd love to be scrapping like a fishwife, well, maybe doing a little judo practice

To be honest it seems as though I have accepted it with indifference, but I can't act any other way with the kids around (which is almost all the time) one knows the other doesn't so I have to be careful with what I say in front of them.

Well done you. Sounds like he has not been doing anything to hide it anyway. Stay strong xx

Well apparently the rumours have started, can't say I'm surprised and I'm certainly not bothered. If anyone else gets in touch with me and asks if the rumours are true I will continue to answer with all the honesty I can muster.

Rumours and gossip were inevitable. Just remember you've done nothing wrong and hold your head high

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Tell the truth.

You are amazing OP.

Well apparently the rumours have started, can't say I'm surprised and I'm certainly not bothered. If anyone else gets in touch with me and asks if the rumours are true I will continue to answer with all the honesty I can muster.

Be prepared for people surprising you. Those you'd expect to be supportive sometimes aren't. Support may come from some unexpected places...

Oh and absolutely tell people the truth. Don't give them any hiding place.

I put DH in a position where he had to tell people himself what had happened (long story) and I think that helped to ram exactly what he'd done home to him. He had to directly face the reaction of people he respected and it wasn't good.

Agreeing with @TattyCat here. Just tell people the unembellished truth and then it's up to them to make their own minds up. I had to do this when EXH buggered off with another woman and he got an awful lot of stick from our friends. Oddly though, he thought they were "awful" for giving him a piece of their minds...

@TattyCat, I don't think that 'D'H would talk about it openly, I'm sure he would do everything he can to avoid the subject.

@blueangel the unembellished truth is all that I would tell, here or in real life, any embellishments would certainly come back to bite me on the arse, it would not do me any good and it could alienate me from the support that I and my son have.

Just the truth will do. And it matters not whether 'D'H would talk openly about it. This isn't about him anymore, it's about what YOU want. Do what is right for you, at the time that is right for you.

The solicitor has sent 'd'h a letter telling him that I intend to divorce him on the grounds of his adultery also asking if he intends to contest it and asking him to pay the costs of the divorce. He has 2 weeks to respond.
Solicitor has said that if he doesn't contest it then it will be quicker than doing it on the basis of unreasonable behaviour, 'd'h did initially agree to not to contest the divorce but I don't know if he will continue to be so agreeable.

'D'h won't at present move out of our house, he hasn't and doesn't intend to stay away from the places they both frequently go to.

Hope he responds sensibly and buggers off.