DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

Tell her husband

That took some serious balls, OP. Good for you

Where was your 'D'H and OW for you to be able to confront them?

I'm sure he will find out soon enough.

Bloody hell HaveYou you’ve done brilliantly. Bet he doesn’t know what’s hit him

How are you doing?

Well done - stay strong

I'm kind of ok, we've been together for a long time it's going to take a lot of getting used to.

Anyone know how long it takes for a wedding band indentation to return to normal?

Lexie they were in a pub together (where I suspected they would be)

Dear OP

I've only just read this and I'm so sorry that you've been so let down by a shallow, deceitful, faithless man and a filthy, disrespectful woman.

I am absolutely in awe of your courage in confronting them, your cool intent and your concern for your DS. I have nothing more to add but my concern and care.

I got rid of a cheating faithless husband 10 years ago now - but it was the end of a 20 year relationship. I have succeeded in bringing up 2 very kind and fun kids and protected them from harm. Keep strong, determined and angry. But make sure you get support and time for you.

Here for you. We all are.

You are a class act OP. Truly.

Wowers OP. Fucking good on you. I’m sure you’re probably having or will have a massive fuck off cry so I hope you remember you’re human; it’s ok to grieve for our burnt up hopes and dreams. It’s ok to feel upset about the end of a relationship even when you know it’s over, cry and grieve and look after yourself. Every feeling you are having is normal. Just live for now and take one day at a time x

Good for you OP! I hope everyone in the pub was felt disgusted with them if they heard .

You are very brave , he doesn’t deserve a woman like you .
I hope your solicitor is a fucking shark and takes him for everything!

As for her , I hope her husband does find out exactly how deceitful and spineless she is and leaves her out on her ear where she belongs.

Thinking of you xxx

He really did think you game down on the last shower! Oh how he has underestimated you!

Bravo op and I wish you all the best best in life

Thank you all, it helps just to be able to 'talk' anonymously.

I'm not completely heartless and have agreed to let 'D'H stay here until he's found somewhere suitable to live, but I'm not doing anything for him.

I'm going to the bank today to see if I can increase the term of the mortgage so that we don't have to sell the house, he will have to contribute to it but I can live with that. I need to get my hands on some other paperwork before the next meeting with the solicitor.

Your amazing OP - well done on confronting them!
As others have said a roller coaster of emotions is perfectly normal. As he’s still in the house he needs to give you space and also the opportunity to be out/time out from DS to look after yourself.

Has he said much since you’ve outed him? I’m sure you are aware of ‘the script’ - be prepared!!!

Yeah, he tried to tell me it had only just happened, I told him that I know it had been going on for at least a 18 months, he admitted it. I'm ready for more lies and deceit to come to light.

The slimey sh*t! Minimising to try and get away with it. FFS. I hope OW husband is as strong as you are.
Keep strong

My ring indent took about 18 months to fully disappear. I wore another dress ring with a larger band which didn't look 'weddingy' whilst it undented

You're a nicer person than I am for letting him stay after what he's done. Lying deceitful wanker. But you're keeping your dignity and shown that you are strong and brave and face adversity head on.

Well done for confronting them and getting things moving. It can't have been easy.

Have you given him a timescale to move out?

No timescale, just as soon as I can take over the mortgage and the other bills he pays, he can then walk away with his pension etc intact and I keep the house, rather than a convoluted 50/50 split of everything and having to sell the house. That way I decide when to sell if I can't stand to remain in the house in the future.

You're superwoman Op.

When my mum and dad split she kept the house. She didn't want anything else from him.

The only thing I want from him now is for him to do the decent thing and that is to make sure our children are his top priority and that they continue to be, I'll be ok whatever happens, I won't have much of a pension fund but I won't be destitute either.

OP if you do keep the house and have a spare room you can rent to a lodger tax free up to 7500 pound a year. I contract a lot and expect to pay between 300 and 400 a month Monday to Friday. Just a thought.

I second Dafts lodged or air BNB room

My dh works away during the week at the moment and pays 30 quid a night including breakfast, he does it himself but the family supply juice bread cereal
Coffee. It's a single room and not ensuit, but he likes the family they interact with him and he can use whatever he likes there.

Sorry about your situation

We don't have a spare room